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[December 6, 1965] Are You Sitting Comfortably? Then I'll Begin (Doctor Who: The Daleks’ Master Plan [Part 1])

December 6, 2020 Jessica Holmes 2 Comments

By Jessica Holmes

Buckle up, everyone. We’re about to start the longest serial of Doctor Who yet. I hope you’ve got a comfy chair and a pot of tea.

THE NIGHTMARE BEGINS

Poor Steven isn’t feeling too well since his run in with the sharp end of a poisoned sword, so the Doctor leaves him in the care of Katarina while he goes to search for an antitoxin.

Wait, no, apparently we’re not following that, we’re following two blokes called Bret and Kert, who are sitting in a rainforest and trying to contact their superiors.

Nope, no, we’re actually watching a couple of nameless bald men doing… something or other. To be more accurate, we’re watching a couple of people watching the bald men and having a nice chat rather than paying attention to the call coming in. It seems that the men we just saw were from the Space Security Service that those men were from in that one-off episode a few weeks ago, come to search for their long-dead comrades.

The fate of the universe can wait though, because the people in the control room are busy watching a television interview with a man with very silly eyebrows. This is Mavic Chen, and he’ll be important later. From the name and the lousy makeup, I think he’s meant to be Chinese. The makeup’s distracting and more importantly, racist. There’s no excuse for this sort of thing, common as it may be. At least they had the good sense not to give him a ridiculous fake accent.

Chen’s banging on about how the solar system has enjoyed tranquility in recent years, promising that they can look forward to an everlasting period of peace and prosperity that will spread throughout the universe and it’ll be sunshine, lollipops, rainbows, et cetera. Laying on the dramatic irony pretty thick, aren’t we?

In the jungles of the planet Kembel, the two men begin to fear that something’s following them. I will give you three guesses what that something could possibly be.

Surprise! It’s a Dalek.

Injured, Kert tells Bret to go on without him, and he bravely goes to face the Daleks — who promptly shoot him dead.

Bret flees through the forest, tripping over his own feet and dropping the transmitter, breaking it. Well, it’s not very well made if it broke that easily. He should get his money back. He’s on the brink of despair when the TARDIS materialises close by.

The Doctor and Katarina emerge, and the Doctor sends Katarina back inside to look after Steven while he searches for some antitoxin. Finding the door locked, Bret follows after the Doctor, and orders him at gunpoint to hand over the key.

Inside the TARDIS, Katarina tends to Steven, still under the impression that she’s dead and travelling through the underworld. Bret enters the TARDIS, and Katarina, bless her, thinks he’s come to help, and he tricks her into locking the Doctor out of the TARDIS.

However, he doesn’t get away with it for long, because like an absolute numpty he left the key in the door and didn’t pay enough attention to Steven, who whacks him over the back of the head when he’s not looking.

Bret doesn’t strike me as one of the SSS’ best operatives. James Bond, he is not.

As the Doctor lets himself back into the TARDIS, a spaceship passes overhead, and at the Dalek base the Daleks prepare to receive guests.

The Doctor restrains Bret in the TARDIS with a ‘magic chair’ (magnetic), but the cross-examination will have to wait, because he still needs to look for the city he spotted in his earlier foray into the forest. He narrowly misses a Varga plant as he explores and soon comes upon the skeletal remains of Corey, his tape recording lying just a few feet away from him.

He collects the tape and proceeds to the city, where he realises to his horror who the occupants are.

Back in the TARDIS, Bret inquires as to what’s wrong with Steven. When Katarina explains he has poison in his blood, Bret actually makes himself useful and offers her the use of some tablets he has to hand. Katarina decides to trust him and gives Steven the medicine. Let’s just hope it doesn’t backfire.

As the Daleks greet their guest and newest ally, Mavic Chen, the Doctor hurries back to his ship, only to find the door open and a gang of Daleks surrounding the box.

Uh-oh.

DAY OF ARMAGEDDON

Hiding in the bushes, the Doctor watches from a distance as the Daleks examine his ship. They speak of something called Operation Inferno, which will require them to retreat to a safe distance.

Meanwhile, Mavic Chen makes a friend. Say hello to Zephon, the master of the Fifth Galaxy.

Zephon expresses surprise that Chen, being from our solar system (Why is our solar system THE Solar System? Surely any system with a star and things orbiting that star is a solar system, isn’t it? Why do we qualify for the definite article?) is allying himself with the Daleks. Well, being in charge of one star system is nice enough, but Chen has greater ambitions.

The Daleks are all too aware of Chen’s ambitions, which is why they’re planning to exterminate him and all their other accomplices when they’ve outlived their usefulness. That sounds very in-character for them, but I don't know how pragmatic it would be, considering that the galaxies the leaders represent would likely consider the Daleks' actions to be an act of war and retaliate in kind.

Stephen wakes up in the forest feeling very confused, but looking a tad healthier. The tablets seem to have worked. He has Bret and Katarina to thank. When the Daleks came, Bret convinced Katarina to release him so that they could all escape. The Doctor finds the group, and Katarina fills him in on what happened while Bret spies on the Daleks, who have flamethrowers now.

The Doctor and Katarina help Steven limp back towards the TARDIS before the flames reach them (wait, I thought it was his shoulder that was hurt, not his leg?), but Bret points out that it’s probably a trap. I suppose they’ll have to just stay put and roast then.

Stephen and the Doctor start bickering over what to do until Bret interrupts and tells them essentially to shut up, leaving the Doctor speechless for once in his life. He recovers quickly.

The Daleks get to work burning the forest. I obviously need more sleep because for a moment I thought they were toasting marshmallows on the fire. In my defence, the Dalek flamethrowers are shaped just like a marshmallow on a stick.

The fire slowly catches up to the gang as the Doctor and Bret have another bickering match, and the Doctor finally comes up with a third option: hide in the Dalek city. It’s the last place they’ll expect!

Chen has a chat with Zephon before the gathering of PT Barnum’s freakshow rejects comes to order, with Zephon waiting outside a while, for plot convenience’s sake I presume.

The Doctor and company arrive at the Dalek city and admire the pretty shiny spaceships, at least until Bret recognises Mavic Chen’s. He's deeply troubled, but the others see their getaway vehicle: they decide to steal it.

Along comes Zephon, and they run for cover. Come to think of it, I suspect that he might walk like that because the chap in the costume can’t actually see where he’s going. Bret subdues him, and the Doctor steals his clothes so that he can disguise himself and sneak into the meeting. I’m in awe at the sheer audacity of the plan. He gives Bret the tape for safekeeping before he goes, and even Bret, who doesn’t particularly get along with the Doctor, is impressed with his courage.

While the others go to steal the ship, the Doctor arrives fashionably late to the meeting. He learns that the Daleks have almost completed something called a Time Destructor, which needs only a core and it’ll be ready to use. Mavic Chen smugly presents the core, an emm of pure Taranium, the rarest substance in the universe.

Outside, Zephon wakes up and begins to struggle against his restraints as the others barge onto Chen’s ship and start tying up the crew.

All seems to be going well, until Zephon manages to set off an alarm. It might be a blessing in disguise however, as in all the pandemonium the Doctor is able to swipe the Taranium core from under Mavic Chen’s nose.

He’ll have to hurry, though. Bret’s about to take off– and he’s not planning to wait for stragglers.

DEVIL’S PLANET

The Doctor shows up in the nick of time, and off they go, fleeing the Daleks. The Daleks don’t fail to notice them going, but refrain from blowing the ship out of the sky. They’ve realised that the Taranium core is missing, and they need to get it back.

Chen’s all too happy to throw Zephon under the bus for the loss of the core. Sure, it was Chen who went and left it unattended on the table, but the Daleks see fit to blame Zephon, as it was his lateness to the meeting that allowed the Doctor to infiltrate it and steal the core. The Daleks find him guilty of negligence, and execute him for his failure.

Born diplomats, the Daleks are. Really this should start a war but apparently Zephon's galaxy won't mind their leader being murdered.

On the ship, the Doctor’s coming to like having Katarina around. She learns by watching and listening, sparing him from constant questions. He’s eager to teach her though, and I find his enthusiasm endearing.

They finally get around to playing the tape, which doesn’t really tell them anything new but will come in handy when urging Earth to take action, and the Doctor proclaims that “The Daleks will stop at anything to prevent us!”

Well, if that’s the case, all you have to do is mildly inconvenience them and they’ll leave you alone. I’m well used to Hartnell’s line flubs by now, but that one did amuse me.

The Daleks make their move as the ship passes by a prison planet, Desperus, an entire world used for dumping convicts. Basically, it’s Space Australia. Sorry, Kaye. I couldn’t resist.

Then the Daleks force the ship to land on Desperus, where a gang of convicts soon learn of the ship’s arrival and begin plotting to take it for themselves.

As the rest of the crew work on getting the ship up and running again, Katarina spots lights in the distance. It’s the three convicts, Kirksen, Garge and Lars, approaching. Kirksen ends up being waylaid by an aggressive bird, and the other two carry on without him.

In preparation for their arrival, the Doctor drops a cable from the ship into the murky swampwater beneath the entrance, and Katarina activates the current as Garge and Lars attempt to approach. There’s a flash of light and both men scream, then drop down unconscious.

It’s not long before the ship’s ready for takeoff once more, and Bret notices that the outer door is open for some reason, but it’s probably nothing to worry about. The crew leave Desperus as the Daleks crash-land, and it looks like everything’s going brilliantly for about five seconds.

Then Kirsken pops out of the airlock, grabs Katarina, and all hell breaks loose.

THE TRAITORS

Holding Katarina hostage, Kirksen demands to be taken to Kembel. It wouldn't be my first choice for a hideaway, that's for sure. I don't do well with humidity or screaming Nazi space monsters with cooking and plumbing tools for arms.

Back on Kembel, the Daleks receive a message from the pursuit fleet, saying they’re ready to continue the mission. The Daleks kindly take the burden off their plungers and tell Chen to go instead, having worked out that the fugitives are heading for Earth. With that settled, the Daleks treat the pursuit ship with patience and understanding, inviting them to return to Kembel.

Of course, the moment they break communications, they order the ship blown up as punishment for failing the mission. I think a lot of us have had bosses like that.

Back on the stolen ship, Bret obviously isn’t about to turn and fly back the way he came. He tries to catch Kirksen off guard with a sudden change of direction, but it doesn’t work, causing Kirksen to retreat into the airlock, dragging Katarina with him. They could open the exterior doors and rid themselves of him, but that would kill Katarina too. However, he’s not coming out until they agree to take him to Kembel. The longer they take to make a decision, the longer Katarina’s in danger from him. He’ll kill her if they don’t change course.

The Doctor finally cracks and orders Bret to do as Kirksen says, with Stephen backing him up. However, there’s one person whose opinion nobody asked, and she’s taking matters into her own hands.

Katarina manages to get one arm free of Kirksen’s grip, reaching desperately for something on the wall. By the time the others realise what she’s about to do, it’s too late. The airlock blows open, sucking both Kirksen and Katarina into the vacuum of space.

At last, a moment of silence as everyone processes what just happened. Stephen isn’t sure that Katarina did it on purpose, but the Doctor gives her more credit than that, and I happen to agree with him.

“She didn't understand. She couldn't understand. She wanted to save our lives and perhaps the lives of all the other beings of the Solar System. I hope she's found her Perfection. Oh, how I shall always remember her as one of the Daughters of the Gods. Yes, as one of the Daughters of the Gods."

Excuse me, I have a little something in my eye. Does this count as the first death of a companion? She wasn’t around for very long, but do you need to be to count as a Companion? To me, if you’ve travelled in his TARDIS by the Doctor's consent, you’re a companion, even if you were only around for a handful of episodes. It’s a proper punch to the gut. We always assume, don’t we, that whatever happens the Doctor and his closest friends will always make it out alive. Here is a stark reminder that travelling with the Doctor is not safe. A single lapse in judgement can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

It’s a bit of a pity, because I thought Katarina still had a lot of potential. I suppose that makes it even sadder in a way. The Doctor was so keen to show her the wonders of the cosmos, and now she’ll never get to see them.

And just to rub it in, there’s a shot of the poor girl’s lifeless body drifting away through the void. I hope it was at least quick.

Let’s check in with the baddies. With the threat of the ultimate punishment for failure hanging over his head, Chen meets with his subordinate Lizan, and Karlton, the head of the Space Security Service. He tells them to recall all available agents to Earth so that they can catch Earth’s greatest traitor: Bret Vyon.

It turns out that Karlton is in on the plot with Chen to sell Earth out to the Daleks. Chen will be at the Daleks’ right hand, and Karlton will be at Chen’s, if all goes according to plan. Karlton puts one of his best agents on the job, Sara Kingdom. The actress might look familiar to you if you also watched The Crusade earlier this year.

The Doctor and company make a bumpy landing at the ‘Experimental Station’, and Bret cautiously leads the group inside, where he hopes to meet with someone he can trust with the information.

Chen briefs Kingdom on her mission, conveniently leaving out the bit about the Daleks. She’s apparently unwaveringly loyal, but there’s no sense in risking it.

Bret fills his ally Daxtar in on the things they’ve learned, and it seems that Daxtar is eager to help. However, when Daxtar asks about the whereabouts of the Taranium, the Doctor realises he’s not to be trusted. Why? Because they never mentioned that the core is made of Taranium. Bret turns on his ally, and shoots him dead before the Doctor has a chance to find out who else might be in on the conspiracy, prompting the hero’s anger.

Moments later, Kingdom shows up. It would seem that she and Bret know one another. For a moment, Bret is pleased to see her, hoping that she might be on their side. All hopes are dashed when she demands the Taranium. I don’t think Bret is a very good judge of character.

Bret struggles with Kingdom, buying the others enough time to get out, but leaving him alone with a woman even more trigger happy than he is. He barely gets his hand an inch towards his gun before Kingdom fires on him, killing him instantly.

We’re racking up quite a body count of major characters, aren’t we? I don’t know that I’d call Bret a companion, as he only appears in this one serial, unlike Katarina who was introduced at the end of the previous serial. Additionally, he never actually travels in the TARDIS. He tries, but just ends up tied to a chair, which doesn’t count. I had quite liked having him around, though. It might have been interesting to see how his character might have developed.

With Bret dead and the Doctor and Steven on the run, Kingdom orders her subordinates to secure all the exits. The fugitives must be killed on sight.

Final Thoughts

This would be a much better start to the serial if it didn’t take so long to get to the point. This serial could have benefited from a more ruthless editor: I often noticed scenes that would have benefited from being trimmed down, and a fair amount of characters telling one another things that the audience already knows.

How will it turn out? Will the story unfold into a grand epic, or a bloated mess? We’ll have to wait and see. I just know that, with eight episodes more for me to write about, I’m going to need to drink my body weight in coffee.

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Science Fiction/Fantasy, TV

[November 8, 1965] You Must Be Mythtaken (Doctor Who: The Myth Makers)

November 8, 2020 Jessica Holmes 1 Comment

By Jessica Holmes

Yes, I am quite proud of myself for that title. This month, we’re taking a trip back to a time where the line between myth, legend and fact becomes blurred. Doctor Who has a new producer in John Wiles, who has some big boots to fill, and a new writer for this serial, one Donald Cotton. Let’s dive in and see how they got on.

TEMPLE OF SECRETS

Let’s establish one thing immediately: this serial makes a number of breaks from the popular accounts of the siege of Troy. To establish a second thing, I don’t mind this. It’s a legend. There might be a kernel of truth in there somewhere, but most of it was probably made up so that it would make a good story. Well, except for the bit about fighting the river god. That definitely really happened.

The real problem here is the music. Who in the world signed off on this?! It sounds as if they fitted a below-average marching band with shock collars, gave them sheet music that had been half-eaten by a dog, then made them perform drunk with no rehearsal, and giving them an electric jolt every few seconds.

It’s just noise! I have heard more pleasant primary school music recitals.

It would perhaps be more bearable if I had something to watch, but my picture quality is very poor once again. I think it must be the weather where I live.

Inside the TARDIS, the Doctor and his companions watch the unfolding fight between Achilles and Hector on the monitor, and the Doctor makes the spiffing decision to go and ask these nice chaps where and when they’ve landed.

It’s at that point that Hector practically dares the Fates to toy with him, as he mockingly challenges Zeus himself to come down and save Achilles, who is at his mercy. So when there’s a bright light and an old man pops out of a magically appearing box, he’s more than a little taken aback, and that gives Achilles the opportunity to run him through.

Achilles mistakenly believes the Doctor to be Zeus, having appeared to him in the guise of an old beggar (which made me chortle), and the Doctor doesn’t bother to correct him.

Having learnt where he is, the Doctor attempts to return to his TARDIS, but Achilles begs him to stay, showing him the camp of Agamemnon, where the Greeks have spent the last ten years sitting outside the walls of a rather well-executed miniature model of Troy.

The Doctor and Achilles meet Odysseus (yes, THAT Odysseus), who is just a total jerk, as my American friends would put it. The Doctor has a quiet giggle to himself as Odysseus sarcastically comments that Achilles probably just chased Hector around the city until he got tired rather than facing him in honest combat.

Odysseus isn’t at all convinced that the Doctor is Zeus, and after examining his tiny ‘temple’, insists that he accompany them back to the camp. After they all leave, a Trojan patrol comes out of hiding, recovering Hector’s helmet and discovering the ‘temple’ for themselves.

Steven gets tired of waiting inside the TARDIS and goes to find the Doctor, leaving Vicki behind to rest her injured ankle, which I had forgotten all about.

In the Greek camp, Meneleus, husband of Helen (the face that launched a thousand ships, but doesn’t appear in this story) is frankly bored of this whole siege. If Paris wants Helen, he can keep her.

…I see why she left him.

Agammemnon, however, is not ready to give up, and he threatens to issue a challenge to Hector on Meneleus’ behalf.

Luckily for Meneleus, that’s when Achilles gets back and informs them that Hector’s crossed the Styx.

Odysseus arrives shortly after with the Doctor in tow. The Doctor tries to prove his divinity by revealing hidden truths, such as the fact that Agamemnon’s wife is unfaithful, but it seems just about everyone knew that except the kings, who refuse to believe it without proof.

Agamemnon finds himself in a difficult position, and decides to imprison the Doctor, unwilling to risk killing him and incurring the wrath of the gods, or releasing him and having him spill all their secrets to the Trojans.

Odysseus eavesdrops outside the tent, where he’s met by a mute spy, Cyclops. Probably no relation. Cyclops tells Odysseus, through hand gestures, that he spotted a stranger coming to the camp. Investigating, Odysseus finds Steven and takes him captive, accusing him of being a spy.

Attempting to maintain his cover, the Doctor prevents the Greeks from killing Steven on the spot, telling them that if they take him to his temple tomorrow, he’ll perform a miracle and smite the spy.

Well, they’ll be quite happy to take him to the plain, but he’d better hope for bad weather… because the TARDIS is gone.

Again.

He really does have a habit for misplacing it, doesn’t he?

SMALL PROPHET, QUICK RETURN

I can’t decide whether I like this pun or whether I want to steal all of the writer’s pencils.

When the time comes for ‘Zeus’ to do some smiting, the Doctor finally caves and admits that he’s not Zeus, leading to him and Steven being captured and interrogated.

Meanwhile, the TARDIS has found its way behind the walls of Troy. Paris, Hector’s brother, is feeling rather pleased with himself for having captured a Greek shrine of some sort.

His sister Cassandra tells him to get rid of it. Naturally, he ignores her. She points out that it was unguarded, and it’s about the right size for somebody to hide inside. Has he perhaps considered it’s a trap? Doesn’t this all sound rather familiar?

Their father, King Priam, soon joins the party and attempts to prise the door open, as inside Vicki frantically searches for something to wear. For heaven’s sake, just put on a bedsheet and you’ll fit right in.

After listening to the Doctor and Steven’s true accounting of who they are and how they came to be here, Odysseus figures that they wouldn’t dare tell him such a blatantly absurd story unless they were actually telling the truth, which is questionable logic but then again none of the great thinkers have been born yet (and boy, does it show!), so perhaps we shouldn’t be too harsh. He agrees to release them on the condition that they help him take the city. Oh, and they only have two days to do it.

In Troy, Cassandra is about to burn the TARDIS as an offering to the gods when Vicki finally emerges, introducing herself as a traveller from the future. All that time in there and you couldn’t come up with any cover story at all?

Cassandra accuses her first of being a pagan goddess of the Greeks (which is confusing, as at least in The Iliad’s version of events, which is what this serial is mostly based on, the Trojans worshipped the same gods), and then of being a false prophet, though Paris points out that Cassandra doesn’t have a monopoly on reading entrails and having weird dreams.

Vicki explains that she’s not prophesying, she’s just recalling her knowledge of history, which is different. Cassandra still insists that they should kill her, while Paris argues the opposite. In the end, Priam kindly assures Vicki that she shall die when HE says so, and not a moment earlier. How very…comforting.

Oh, and the name will have to go if she’s staying. Vicki sounds far too weird for their liking, so the king re-names her Cressida. How rude.

But that name does ring a bell…

Meanwhile , the Doctor and Steven are trying to come up with ideas for breaching the city, and Steven brings up the wooden horse. The Doctor shoots the idea down, as nobody would actually be stupid enough to fall for that.

A messenger arrives to inform Odysseus that he’s been volunteered on Achilles’ behalf to go and answer a challenge from Paris, but Odysseus isn’t about to fight heel-boy’s battles. Steven volunteers to go instead, and allow Paris to take him as his prisoner so that he can search for Vicki. Odysseus thinks it’s suicide, but acknowledges that it is at least very brave.

With him gone, the Doctor keeps coming up with ideas. Tunnelling’s been tried already, but how about flight?

Steven surprises Paris as he very quietly and hesitantly calls out for Achilles, necessitating a change of loincloth on Paris’ part. He astutely observes that Steven isn’t Achilles. Lowering his voice, he admits to thinking that really this whole thing seems to have got a bit out of hand, and he doesn’t really fancy killing anyone who isn’t Achilles anyway.

Well maybe you should have thought about that before running off with a married woman, hmm?

That said, he has a point.

He reluctantly starts fighting, and Steven has to pretend to lose, because let’s face it, Steven could eat Paris for breakfast if he were actually trying.

It’s very funny when a baffled Paris asks ‘I beg your pardon?’ and then Steven has to actually talk him into accepting his surrender, buttering him up by pretending that the Greeks tell all sorts of extraordinary tales about Paris. He sure would like to tell some of those tales within earshot of the Trojans, and gosh, wouldn’t they all be very impressed with Paris for capturing this great Greek warrior? Cough, cough. Hint, hint.

Nonplussed but a little flattered, Paris agrees to take Steven back to the city, and the pair leave, watched by Cyclops as they go.

In the city, Priam treats Vicki to a slap-up meal courtesy of his cousin Aeneas’ smuggling operation, and regales her with tales of just how much the Trojans like horses. They really, really like horses. There’s such a thing as liking horses too much, you know.

Vicki recalls a legend she once heard regarding Troy and horses, and Priam tries to press her about it. She changes the subject by asking about Troilus, the king’s youngest son. He’s rather good looking, isn’t he?

There’s a bit of a random, out-of-nowhere line on not putting too much stock into good looks, as that will only get you into trouble. Just take Paris and Helen. Paris is a nice looking bloke, popular with the ladies, and also a total cowardy-cowardy-custard. He got all taken with Helen’s beauty, and before you know it there’s a decade-long war.

‘Shame he didn’t meet a nice sensible girl like you,’ he tells Vicki. ‘It’s character that counts, not good looks.’

Ouch! Talk about a back-handed compliment.

Priam hastily apologises, insisting he didn’t mean it like that, and is about to press Vicki on what she knows of the war again when Paris marches Steven into the room, pleased as punch.

Shocked to see each other, Vicki and Steven blurt out one another’s names, and Cassandra realises at once that they must know each other.

If ‘Cressida’ knows this Greek, what more proof do they need that she’s a spy? There’s only one thing to be done with spies. They must be put to death.

DEATH OF A SPY

I was quite disappointed that this episode didn’t start with a punny title. Some might consider that a good thing, though.

Tired of Cassandra’s zealotry, Paris intervenes to stop the guards dispatching Vicki and Steven. Priam is willing to believe Vicki when she says she’s not a spy, but she’ll have to prove herself. She will have to use her divine powers to aid Troy against the Greeks. If not, she’ll be burnt. In the meantime she will have to stay in the dungeons, but Priam assures her that it’s actually rather nice down there.

At least he’s affable, but I think all the men in this story have one brain cell between them and they’re playing pass-the-parcel with it.

Don't look so unimpressed, Odysseus. It's not as if you've got any better ideas.

The Doctor continues to pursue his idea for a very anachronistic flying machine. I think if you left him to his own devices for long enough he’d end up inventing the aircraft carrier several millenia early.

However, he’s not too keen on the idea of testing his invention, something Odysseus would very much like to see him do.

In the dungeons of Troy, Vicki and Steven are visited by Cyclops, who Steven tells to warn the Greeks not to attack until the day after tomorrow, so that they can buy Vicki some time. It’s then that the king’s youngest son, Troilus, visits ‘Cressida’ in her cell.

He brings her some food, and she coaxes him into sitting and talking with her.

Meanwhile, the Doctor abandons his idea of using flying machines, claiming to have made a mistake in his calculations. If you ask me, I think he was just scared of trying out his contraption.

With no better options available he finally suggests the idea of building a wooden horse. He explains the legendary plan, and Odysseus actually seems quite taken with it. So is Meneleus, once the Doctor explains to him that they’re building the horse, not looking for an actual fifty-foot-tall equine.

Maybe there is someone stupid enough to fall for it, after all.

In Vicki’s cell, she’s getting rather cosy with Troilus, and poor Steven no doubt feels very awkward as the chatting turns to outright flirting. Troilus even asks at one point whether Steven is really just Vicki’s friend or if he’s something more. Someone’s a little jealous!

When he finally leaves, Steven mocks Vicki for being so unsubtle. She retorts that she was only doing what she could to get them both out of prison. But was that really all there was to it?

Unfortunately for the pair of them, it looks like their message to delay the attack won’t reach the Greeks. Cyclops gets caught as he leaves the city, and is swiftly killed by a Trojan soldier.

The Greeks finish building their horse in an astonishingly short amount of time. Wait, where did they get the wood? There don’t seem to be any trees nearby. They’d have to travel and cut the lumber and transport it back and assemble it…and they did all that in a few hours? Yes, I’m nitpicking a fictional retelling of a pseudo-historical event that almost certainly did not happen, but it’s my job.

The Doctor waits with Odysseus and his soldiers inside the horse, but the Doctor isn’t at all happy about it. In one memorable line that I am very, very surprised made it past the censors, Odysseus snaps that the Doctor is making him “…as nervous as a Bacchante at her first orgy.”

I beg your pardon?

I think you’ll find that a Bacchante is a female ROMAN follower of the ROMAN god, Bacchus. The Greek equivalent would be a Maenad, a female follower of the Greek equivalent, Dionysus.

The nonsense they’ll allow in children’s television these days!

Soon Troilus comes to Vicki in her cell and tells her that the Greeks have all left. The king thinks that she’s been a good luck charm after all, and has ordered her release. Unfortunately Steven isn’t as lucky.

The Trojans start bringing the horse into the city, much to Cassandra’s dismay. As annoying as she can be, she's the only person in the city with half a brain.

The Trojans think they’ve won… but it’s only a matter of time.

HORSE OF DESTRUCTION

The title of this episode sounds like it lost its nerve halfway to being a pun. That, or it’s just a stupid title. I know that Doctor Who likes ‘Noun of Adjective’-style titles, but ‘Horse of Destruction’ just sounds silly.

Cassandra says that the horse is a trick, an obvious trick, and the arrival of the ‘temple’ has brought nothing but bad luck, just as she said. Well, a stopped clock is right twice a day.

They notice ‘Cressida’ seems to have vanished, and Troilus goes to look for her while Cassandra sends her maidservant, Katarina.

Vicki releases Steven from the dungeon, telling him about the horse problem, and Steven wonders if his message got through. Well, chum, take a look at the great big horse standing in the town square and tell me what you think.

Perhaps it’s something in the water?

Troilus finds that his ‘Cressida’ has gone missing, and Cassandra starts screaming, yet again, about finding her and burning her. Cassandra, I like the mythical version of you, but all that screeching is giving me a headache.

Vicki returns to the palace, and they grill her on where she’s been. She manages to placate them, and the king goes with his children to investigate the horse, leaving Vicki alone with Katarina.

The Doctor grows thoroughly sick of Odysseus’ company, and finally snaps. He thoroughly tells him off, but the 'hero' pays him no mind.

Is there a Doctor in the horse?

Troilus returns for Vicki, who warns him to leave the city and find Steven (or as Troilus knows him, Diomedes) out on the plain. He takes her advice and takes his leave. Moments later, the Greeks emerge from the horse and begin dispatching the Trojan sentries. The Doctor looks on helplessly, dismayed at all the bloodshed.

Troilus doesn’t find ‘Diomedes’ out on the plane, but he does find Achilles. He doesn’t have long to wonder if ‘Cressida’ played him false before Achilles attacks. It’s a tough fight, but Achilles catches his heel on a bush and stumbles, enabling Troilus to deliver him a mortal blow. However, the dying Achilles summons the last of his strength and thrusts his sword at Troilus, gravely wounding him. So much for sending him out of harm’s way.

At least it's more dignified than dying of an arrow to the heel.

The Greeks open the gates of Troy, letting the rest of the army inside the city. The royal family barely have time to realise what’s happening before Odysseus bursts into the palace, and they realise that all is lost.

Vicki and the Doctor find each other in the chaos, and Vicki sends Katarina to find Steven before taking the Doctor into the TARDIS to talk to him.

However, wearing the guise of a Greek soldier doesn’t do Steven any favours. He gets a nasty wound in the shoulder before Katarina finds him and brings him safely back to the Doctor.

Vicki emerges from the TARDIS. In a curious gesture she hugs the ship before turning and walking back into the city. The Doctor watches in concern as she goes, but makes no attempt to stop her.

Odysseus attempts to prevent the Doctor from leaving, but the Doctor doesn’t have to put up with his nonsense any more. As the TARDIS vanishes, Odysseus wonders if he really was a god after all.

But where’s Vicki?

Out on the plains, Troilus is wailing over ‘Cressida’s betrayal quite hilariously, thoroughly chewing the scenery. He settles down once she turns up and explains herself. She couldn’t just leave him and allow him to think she’d betrayed him. Besides, she belongs here now.

Excuse me? You flirt for five minutes with this guy and you decide to go and live in the Bronze Age? Vicki, that’s the teenage hormones talking. What was the Doctor thinking letting her go?

Aeneas conveniently shows up, and Troilus and Cressida go to join him in building a new Troy. I can think of a lovely spot on the Italian peninsula which should do quite nicely.

And then they kiss. How romantic.

No, I don’t buy it. I’m sorry, but I just don’t. That’s twice now that Doctor Who has written off a teen-aged companion by making her fall in love with a bloke she’s just met, This time it feels less believable than it did with Susan, for whom it made sense as an ending to her arc, but Vicki showed no signs of being ready to stop travelling. In addition, Susan and David had been through more together, whereas Vicki apparently falls in love with Troilus after one chat in a prison cell.

The Doctor is a terrible guardian. Who in any universe would think it’s a good idea to leave a teen-aged girl in a warzone? Absolutely nothing good could come of that.

However, he’s more worried about Steven right now, who has taken a turn for the worse and badly needs drugs. I suppose whatever the Doctor is a Doctor of, it’s not medicine.

Katarina, who looks to be well on her way to being Vicki's replacement in the TARDIS crew, think she’s died and that the Doctor is a god. Who does that make him, I wonder? Hades?

Final Thoughts

The Myth Makers is a very enjoyable serial with many funny moments. I found myself laughing aloud in parts, having fun all the way. Donald Cotton does appear to have the knack for comic writing. With a number of cast members already established as comic actors, it’s no surprise that it turned out to be as funny as it did. Conversely, I think the serial is at its weakest when it’s trying to be more serious.

Vicki’s sendoff doesn’t make much sense to me, as it feels like too abrupt an ending for her story. I cannot speak to what may be going on behind the scenes at the BBC, but I suspect that Maureen O’Brien might have been a casualty of whatever shake-ups the new producer has in store. Only time will tell, but this has been the weakest companion departure so far. That's a real pity, as I liked Vicki a lot. She was witty, intelligent, kind, inquisitive, and just a delight to have around. O’Brien and Hartnell had excellent chemistry together. I feel quite sorry for our leading man now that all of his old long-term castmates have left.

Perhaps Katarina will be able to fill the hole Vicki left. It would be quite interesting to see how a girl from ancient Troy would react to all the weird, wonderful and horrible things out there in the Doctor’s universe.

I wonder what she’d make of a Dalek?

3.5 out of 5 stars

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Science Fiction/Fantasy, TV

[October 10, 1965] Doctor Where? (Doctor Who: Mission To The Unknown)

October 10, 2020 Jessica Holmes 1 Comment

By Jessica Holmes

Probably weren’t expecting me to be back so soon, eh? We’ve got a very, very unusual story this week, courtesy of Terry Nation. Why is it so unusual? Let’s find out.

MISSION TO THE UNKNOWN

We see the man from last week’s preview waking up in the middle of the forest, and saying he must kill. Kill who? Well, that doesn’t really matter. The killing is the important part. Don’t get too attached to him.

Nearby two men, Cory and Lowery, are trying to repair their spaceship. They are apparently with the UN Deep Space Force. I don’t know what that is but it certainly sounds cool. They’re starting to wonder where Garvey, the other bloke who woke up with a craving for murder, has vanished to. He shows up before long, and corners Lowery alone outside the ship. However, before he can kill him, Cory pops out and shoots him dead.

Rather than reacting with gratitude, Lowery is very upset with Cory for shooting his friend without giving him a chance. Cory makes a reasoned and sensitive response to his protest, introducing Lowery’s cheek to the palm of his hand.

He then shows Lowery the thorn behind Garvey’s ear. It’s a Varga thorn, he says, and this is what drove him into a murderous state.

The pair go inside the ship, and outside, Garvey’s hand starts to move, the flesh beginning to mutate into something else…

Inside the ship, Cory fills Lowery in on information he probably ought to have been given in the first place, but then again, if he already knew it then there wouldn’t be an opportunity to do an exposition dump. Cory is an agent with the Space Security Service: licence to kill, naturally. About a thousand years have passed since the last Dalek invasion of Earth, but they’ve been rebuilding their power in the meantime, and just last week a Dalek ship was spotted in local space.

As Cory explains all this, a now-transformed Garvey rises from the dead. He is more plant than human now.

Cory goes on to explain that he’s investigating this planet because, as the most hostile planet in known space, it could be a hidden base for the Daleks. Bringing up the thorn again, he tells Lowery that it’s a Varga thorn, and the Varga plant only grows naturally on the Dalek homeworld of Skaro. Logically, if there are Varga here, the Daleks must be too. Well, thinking about it, they could have been here, done some gardening, and then left, but he doesn't seem to consider that.

Sure enough, in the next scene we see a few Daleks. They’re expecting to receive emissaries from seven planets soon. Before they can hold their meeting, however, they’ll be needing to do something about the alien spaceship they’ve found. They’re going to destroy it, and any occupants. Big shocker, there.

The human astronauts are in big trouble as they set up their rescue beacon outside the ship. They’re surrounded by Varga, and the Daleks are closing in on their position.

Spotting a huge rocket ship flying overhead, Cory surmises that something very big is going on here, and if the Daleks are involved then the whole galaxy is in danger. They need to record a message and send the rescue beacon as soon as possible.

Before they can send it however, they hear the approaching Daleks, and grabbing the rocket they head for the cover of the jungle.

The Daleks find the human ship and set out to search for the crew, but not before blowing their vessel to smithereens.

As the pair move through the jungle, disaster strikes when Lowery brushes against a Varga, and it pricks his hand. Frightened, he conceals it from the other man. Have you watched no horror flicks ever, man? Everyone knows that nothing good ever comes of concealing the fact that you're about to turn into a bug-eyed monster/zombie/shrubbery with legs.

Meanwhile, an assortment of strange alien envoys are meeting with the Daleks. However, the meeting can’t begin as one of the aliens knows of a hostile influence on the planet, but the Daleks assure them that the humans are in the process of being hunted down and destroyed.

The assembled aliens agree to an alliance with the Daleks in a historic first which is very bad news for the rest of the galaxy. They represent the greatest invasion force ever assembled, and where are they planning to begin? Earth, of course.

It’s a very nice planet but why are aliens always so obsessed with it?

It’s interesting to me at any rate to see Daleks making alliances with other powers in space. They always seemed like loners to me, but I suppose pragmatism wins out in the end. I'll be curious to see how this all turns out. I wouldn't be surprised if the Daleks turn on their allies as soon as they outlive their usefulness.

Things go from bad to worse for the humans, as Lowery is quickly succumbing to the Varga’s poison. Cory returns from scouting to report having found a Dalek city hidden in the jungle, and he heard an announcement that the invasion of the galaxy is about to begin.

However, the Varga venom has consumed Lowery, leaving Cory with no choice but to shoot him dead as he reaches for his gun. Alone and with the Daleks fast catching up to him, he hurriedly records a message to warn the rest of the galaxy.

And then the worst-case scenario happens.

As he tries to attach the message to the beacon, the Daleks surround him. With a cry of ‘Exterminate!’ they blast him with everything they’ve got. Moments later, Cory lies dead, and his message will never be sent.

The galaxy won't know what hit it.

Final Thoughts

No, really. That’s it. That’s the whole story. This is the first Doctor Who story to be a single episode long. Not only that, it’s the first one in which neither the Doctor nor his companions make an appearance. I suppose he got his day off after all!

And to top it all off, this is the only episode so far in which the baddies win.

It is surprisingly dark. Doctor Who has never really shied away from character death, but it’s normally just the bad guys and one or two goodies at most that end up kicking the bucket. If this is setting the tone for the upcoming behemoth of a serial, which will also be by Terry Nation and featuring the Daleks, then we might have some grim television ahead of us.

Don’t get me wrong, though— I like it. It does admittedly feel more like a prequel to a bigger story than an actual standalone story of its own, but it’s tightly paced, they’ve managed to squeeze in a little characterisation which is pretty commendable given the very short runtime, and the Daleks are back to feeling like a real threat again, plus a tease of a number of other potentially interesting enemies.

It looks like our pal the Doctor is going to have his work cut out for him. We’ll have to wait and see how he gets on…

And for one final thing, I hear that this is Verity Lambert’s final episode as a producer on Doctor Who. I think we all owe her a big thank you for her role in bringing the show to life in the first place, and as a woman I thank and commend her for being the BBC’s first woman producer, paving the way for the many talented women who will follow in her footsteps. Thank you, Verity, and we all wish you the very best of luck for the future.

4 out of 5 stars

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Science Fiction/Fantasy, TV

[October 4, 1965] Galaxy Bore (Doctor Who: Galaxy 4)

October 4, 2020 Jessica Holmes 3 Comments

By Jessica Holmes

Hello, dear readers! Summer’s passed, there’s a cold snap in the air, and Doctor Who is back on our television sets, which means that I get to waffle on to you about it at great length. Did you miss me?

We’re kicking things off with a strange new world and a new writer. I don’t believe we’ve had William Emms pen an episode before, so shall we see how he got on?

FOUR HUNDRED DAWNS

The TARDIS materialises in a rather barren landscape, with a great big load of nothing as far as the eye can see. Well, as far as I can see, anyway, as my television set is malfunctioning. I managed to hear the audio just fine, but I did end up losing the picture quite often, so please do bear that in mind.

Aboard the TARDIS, Vicki’s giving Steven a haircut as the Doctor surveys the outside environment. He notices that the conditions are perfectly conducive to life, but there don’t seem to be any signs of it outside.

Not at first, anyway. Before long, a strange little thing scoots along. It looks a bit like a beehive on wheels, and it’s feeling its way around the TARDIS.

Leave it to Vicki to call it cute and nickname it a ‘Chumbley’.

It doesn’t stick around for long, enabling them to emerge from the TARDIS and spot the three suns in the sky. However, another arrives, this time toting what appears to be a gun. After witnessing it set a bush on fire with a single blast, the group allow the Chumbley to escort them off.

Two women watch as the Chumbley leads them away from the TARDIS. As it comes close to them, they throw a metal mesh over it, deactivating the device.

The explorers are glad of the rescue, and Steven in particular is pleased to see it comes in so fair a form. The women introduce themselves as Drahvins, sent by their leader to rescue the newcomers. They say that the Chumblies are under the control of the ‘Rills’, who sound jolly unpleasant. However, they don’t explain why their leader took an interest in them in the first place, and Vicki doesn’t trust that they have good intentions. Steven, however, is all too happy to trust a pretty face. For his part, the Doctor isn’t sure either way, and opts to be compliant, but cautious.

More Chumbleys arrive, and the group have to flee. The Drahvin women escort the travellers to their ship, a beat-up old rustbucket that isn’t flying anywhere any time soon.

I can’t help but roll my eyes as the men seem rather giggly as the women order them to be silent for the arrival of their leader, Maaga. Fellas, they might be women, pretty ones at that, but they have guns and look like they mean business.

Maaga arrives on the scene, and after debriefing her troops, informs the travellers that the Drahvins are at a state of war with the Rills, with total obliteration of the other side being the only possible outcome. They themselves may end up obliterated.

Why are they at war? The planet will explode in two weeks’ time according to the Rills, who have the only working spaceship.

Maaga doesn’t seem the type to try asking nicely.

As for why the planet’s about to explode, your guess is as good as mine. I’m no physicist, but I’d imagine the three suns exert enormous tidal forces on the planet, so perhaps it’s more accurate to say that it’s about to be torn apart.

The reason they’re on this doomed world in the first place is that their planet is overpopulated, and they were looking for suitable planets for colonisation. Steven asks if the population of Drahvin are all women, prompting another eye-roll from me. I can’t imagine he’d ask the same of an all-male crew, would he?

For the record, there are indeed men on Drahvin– just the few they need to breed the next generation. The rest are killed for being a waste of resources.

It’s an interesting society for sure, made even more so by the revelation that Maaga’s soldiers were grown in test tubes for the purpose of fighting and killing. She insists they aren’t real people, and they certainly act more like robots than sentient creatures, but that in my opinion could be more a matter of conditioning than anything else, which makes their poor treatment far more sinister.

Maaga finishes off the dump of exposition by telling the Doctor that the Drahvins and Rills shot one another down, the Rills having opened fire first, and then the Rills murdered one of her soldiers shortly after crash-landing.

A Chumbley approaches and attempts to send a message, but Maaga opens fire on it before it can, scaring it away.

It’s at this point the Doctor raises a pertinent question: why did the Rills tell the Drahvins that the planet was going to explode?

Maaga’s assumption is that they were trying to get the Drahvin to come aboard their ship so they can kill them.

Well, if that’s what she thinks, then who’s to say if the planet is actually in any danger at all?

Lucky for them that the Doctor is a scientist. He can find out one way or the other.

Vicki volunteers to stay behind while the men go back to the ship, ostensibly to make sure that the whole crew aren’t putting themselves in danger, but everyone including the audience knows that in actuality she’s a hostage.

The Doctor and Steven find a Chumbley trying to break into the TARDIS when they get back, but it gives up before long, and they get inside and the Doctor gets to work. He soon learns to his horror that the planet is indeed going to be destroyed– but the timing is way off! This planet doesn’t have fourteen dawns left… it has two.

Tomorrow is the last day this planet will ever see.

TRAP OF STEEL

Talking of things going BOOM, the fellas had better watch out for the Chumbley outside the TARDIS. It’s got a bomb!

The blast knocks the pair off their feet, but the ship itself is unharmed, surviving a second blast unscathed. The Chumbley leaves in defeat, and the men leg it before it can come back with an even bigger bomb.

On arriving back at the Drahvin ship, the Doctor tells Maaga that the planet is indeed going to explode, but he doesn’t share his knowledge of how little time they truly have left.

If the Drahvins are going to escape, they’ll need the Doctor’s help. Rather than ask for something reasonable, like a lift in the TARDIS, Maaga insists that the travellers help to capture the Rills’ ship. The Doctor refuses, as he’s not in the business of killing people, and he’s not about to start now.

The gang are starting to get suspicious of her version of the story and her insistence that they can’t possibly work together with the Rills, and it seems they’re right, as when asking nicely doesn’t work, Maaga threatens them with a gun. Steven tries to subdue her, but he’s no match for all her soldiers.

Left with no choice, the Doctor reluctantly agrees to help. However, his initial hesitance has made Maaga suspicious of him, and she threatens to kill Vicki unless he admits what he’s not telling her. He tells her how little time they really have, and she orders the men to go out immediately to capture the ship, intending to hold Vicki hostage. However, Steven insists on taking her place, and the Doctor and Vicki set off alone to try and capture a spaceship.

It doesn’t make sense to me. Surely it’d be better if they had the soldiers with them? There must be somewhere that Maaga could safely hold a hostage.

How about the air lock?

While awaiting the return of the others, Steven gets chatting to one of the soldiers, pointing out that it doesn’t seem very fair that Maaga gets better food and weapons than them, despite them being on the front lines and taking all the actual risks. He suggests to her that if she were to give him her gun, and she took Maaga’s, they could go out together and kill Chumbleys, and Maaga would be pleased with her. The soldier, being both naive and not terribly bright, which is presumably by design, is very nearly taken in, before Maaga shows up and puts an end to Steven’s short-lived escape attempt.

Maaga suggests to Steven that he could leave in the TARDIS and take her and her soldiers with him.

Why didn’t you ask that in the first place?!

Steven echoes my sentiments, and Maaga more or less tells him to shut up.

Charming. It’s a bit late now, though. Without the Doctor, Steven couldn’t take them off the planet even if he were so inclined.

Near the Rills’ base of operations, Vicki and the Doctor observe the movements of the Chumbleys, and Vicki realises that aside from being blind, the Chumbleys can’t detect sounds directly behind them. A suspiciously convenient design flaw, if you ask me. By exploiting this they manage to tail a Chumbley all the way to the Rills’ base, where they find a drill rig, and some sort of air purifier.

In summarising this, I am editing out the many, many pauses in the action in which a Chumbley rolls past agonisingly slowly, making a deeply irritating noise, while the Doctor and Vicki wait for it to pass. The pacing of this episode, and indeed the whole serial, would be a lot tighter without all these lulls, though I suspect it might end up a whole episode shorter.

Oh, and we finally get a glimpse of the Rills, observing them through a viewport inside their ship. I was half-expecting the Rills to turn out to be ordinary men, as it seemed to me that as Maaga was likely stretching the truth about their villainy, she might also be fibbing about them being monsters. Plus with her distaste for men to the point of absurdity, it would have been funny.

To give her credit, she was telling the truth– to a certain extent.

See, there’s one thing we can confirm about the Rills: they are most certainly NOT men. Not even close, appearing less like a person and more like a rotting whale carcass with lamprey mouths for eyes.

But are they as scary as they look?

AIR LOCK

A Chumbley arrives on scene, and the pair make a run for it. However, Vicki isn’t quite fast enough, and ends up trapped inside the Rills’ base. The Doctor quickly comes up with a plan to flush the Rills out of hiding, which will hopefully force them to open the doors, by messing with their air converter. However, it’ll take time, so he counsels Vicki to be brave and try to stay out of trouble, and go with the Chumbley.

Back at the Drahvin ship, Maaga’s finding that lab-grown soldiers with hardly any minds of their own make for poor conversation partners, as she tries to get through to them that the situation has changed, so no, they can’t go out on patrol. The soldiers are confused by the loyalty Steven shows to his friends, and Maaga, too, finds it confusing. She knows on an intellectual level that such creatures exist, but it would appear that Drahvin culture doesn’t share this concept with our own. Perhaps it’s her society, or just how she’s wired.

Still, inspirational speeches seem pretty universal, as Maaga gives her soldiers a lovely pep talk about stealing the Rills’ ship, and looking back on the exploding planet and imagining the horrible deaths the Rills are experiencing.

Nice lady.

As for the Rills, well, it turns out they’re rather polite. Using a Chumbley to translate his thoughts into speech that Vicki can understand, the Rill at the porthole apologises to her for separating her from the Doctor, and asks her who she is and what she’s doing here. When she explains that the Drahvins are forcing her to help steal the Rills’ ship, the Rill within is quite perplexed, as they had offered to take the Drahvins with them.

This Rill’s side of the story is that they encountered the Drahvins in space, and had halted their flight for fear of provoking an attack. He claims that the Drahvins fired first, so the Rills retaliated. Interesting.

Unable to breathe the local atmosphere, they nevertheless set out to help the Drahvins, finding one badly injured. However, before they could help her, Maaga intervened and drove them off, and as they left they witnessed her kill the injured soldier.

Curious, Vicki wants to properly know what the Rill looks like. However, he can’t come outside, as he can’t breathe oxygen at all.

That seems inconsistent with them having attempted to help an injured Drahvin, but it’s not terribly important.

Vicki realises with horror that the Doctor’s plan to flush them out will actually kill them.

Meanwhile, a dozy Drahvin provides Steven with another opportunity to escape, as he manages to sneakily subdue her and take her gun. However, on reaching the airlock, he finds himself stuck. On one side is Maaga, demanding he come back in. On the other is a Chumbley, which as far as he knows is unfriendly. He’s trapped.

Vicki manages to stop the Doctor from accidentally killing the Rills, and the Rill at the porthole explains to the Doctor that they’re drilling for oil to refuel their ship. The Doctor warns them that they don’t have as much time as they think. However, he can help.

Before he can elaborate much further, a Chumbley gets a message, and the group learn that Steven is trapped in the Drahvin airlock.

It’s worse than that, though. Tired of Steven’s misbehaviour, Maaga gives him three options: he can come inside and surrender, he can go out and face death by Chumbley, or she can depressurise the airlock with him inside.

Realising that Steven is in big trouble, the others rush off to help, taking a couple of Chumbleys for backup.

Struggling to breathe as the airlock depressurises, Steven decides to try his luck with the Chumbley. However, now that it’s depressurised, the outer door doesn’t work any more. His three options are down to two: surrender or suffocate.

THE EXPLODING PLANET

Arriving in the nick of time, one of the Chumbleys accompanying the Doctor and Vicki manages to blast the airlock open, and Steven staggers out gasping for breath. As the other two help him recover, a smoke bomb sends the Drahvins coughing and spluttering out of their ship. However, they find themselves outgunned by Chumbleys. As the travellers retreat with a Chumbley in tow, the Rills tell the Drahvins that though they’ve tried to be friendly, they won’t tolerate their new friends being attacked. They order the Drahvins to go back into their ship and stay there.

Maaga and her soldiers retreat and regroup, but they certainly don’t intend to stay put. With only one night remaining to capture the Rills’ ship, Maaga comes up with a plan to sneak out and destroy the Rills’ air converter.

The Doctor meanwhile offers the Rills a jump-start, heading off to hook up his ship to the Rills’ ship. Steven stays behind alone with the Rills, and it’s a bit awkward at first, made even more so when he asks if the Rills will actually let them go if they can’t power the ship in time. However, the Rills are not the Drahvins. If time runs out, so be it. Having seen the code the Doctor lives by, it would be a terrible waste if he were to die here for no reason.

Steven sheepishly apologises for mistrusting them, and tells them that the Drahvins will still be planning to steal their ship, and he gets to work on fixing the power cable.

Vicki and the Doctor arrive back at the TARDIS and connect the power line. It’s not very important, but there is a pretty line of dialogue in response to Vicki’s musings about this all soon exploding into nothingness. Not nothingness, the Doctor corrects her, but hydrogen gas spreading out among the stars like molten silver. It interests me how the Doctor finds the beauty even in destruction.

The first foreshocks of the planet’s destruction hit the Drahvin ship, and they begin to panic. Maaga may be about to reap what she’s sown, but I feel bad for her soldiers, because they don’t really understand their situation or how they’ve been manipulated. One of the Drahvins sneaks out of the ship and manages to smash the sentry chumbley with a pipe, enabling the others to escape.

The Rills usher the travellers to shelter inside their ship, which doesn’t sound very safe. I’m pretty sure ammonia and humans don’t mix. A Chumbley paralyses the first Drahvin to attempt entry into the Rills’ base, and more emerge to confront the Drahvins outside.

Finally coming face to face, the travellers, though initially a little taken aback by the Rills’ appearance, reckon that they probably look just as strange from the Rills’ perspective, so why treat them any different? It’s not the most subtle delivery of the moral of the story, as I’d have thought even a child could have gathered the ‘don’t judge people by how they look’ message, but there you go.

They can’t stay inside for long, as the ammonia starts to make Vicki feel ill, and the ship is almost fully powered. The Doctor insists that they don’t hang around to make sure that the travellers get back to the TARDIS safely, and they prepare to take off.

The Drahvins notice the sudden absence of Chumbleys, and see the Rill ship leaving. Their only hope now is the TARDIS, and they chase after the travellers. However, they aren’t fast enough, and the gang slam the doors shut and dematerialise as fast as they can, abandoning the Drahvins to their fate.

Maaga and her soldiers watch in terror as they realise they have no means of escape, and moments later the planet explodes in a flash of blinding light. Maaga may have made her own bed, but I’m not sure how I feel about abandoning her soldiers, as they really didn’t seem to have the capacity to go against Maaga. They might have had a limited degree of free will, but they could still feel pain and fear.

Safely away, the Doctor remarks that just once, he would like to land somewhere where he isn’t immediately surrounded by danger. They spot a likely planet, and we get to see a vibrant jungle, where a man sits with his gun, chanting under his breath ‘I must kill’. So it doesn’t look like the Doctor’s getting a break any time soon.

Final Thoughts

Honestly, there’s not that much to say about Galaxy 4. It doesn’t feel like anything particularly new, given we’ve had multiple stories in which the travellers find themselves in the midst of a conflict between two races on some other planet, one side being the baddies and the other the goodies.

As for tension, there’s really not much. The Chumbleys were too cute to be a threat in the first place, and as we learn they weren’t actually a threat at all. The Drahvins are just too incompentant to feel threatening, and the Rills immediately turn out to be nice. The whole thing has quite a plodding pace that doesn’t make me feel the urgency of the situation.

As a minor note, I feel like there was a point being made with the Drahvins, but I’m not sure what that point was. It could be taken as pro- or anti- feminist, depending on your outlook. On the one hand it’s a female-led society and a bunch of powerful warrior women. On the other, the society is misandrist to the point of absurdity, only one of the Drahvins actually has a name, the others being portrayed and described in-story as woman-shaped objects, Maaga’s leadership is deeply questionable and founded in manipulation, and the warrior women can’t even defend themselves from an unarmed teenage girl, as happens in one moment in the story where Vicki disarms a lone Drahvin.

If the intention was pro-feminist, the writer severely undermined his own message. And if it wasn’t, that doesn’t surprise me. Other than that it’s just not a terribly interesting serial to me. It’s not terrible or anything, but you’re not missing much.

Next time we’re going on a very brief trip, so hopefully there will be plenty of action packed into the next adventure.

Until next time!

2 out of 5 stars

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Science Fiction/Fantasy, TV

[July 26, 1965] Too much Monk-y Business (Doctor Who: The Time Meddler)

July 26, 2020 Jessica Holmes 4 Comments

By Jessica Holmes

Hello, everyone! Following the harrowing experience inflicted upon me earlier this month, with The Chase proving to be a disappointment, and the affront to my very soul that was Dr. Who And The Daleks, I had begun to fear that I would never recover. However, The Time Meddler has been a balm for my poor soul. Dennis Spooner, thank you. Thank you for giving me some Doctor Who that I can genuinely enjoy.

THE WATCHER

The TARDIS feels a lot emptier without Ian and Barbara, that’s for sure. However, Vicki and the Doctor soon realise they aren’t alone, and find Steven Taylor from the previous serial in their living quarters.

The Doctor doesn’t look one bit impressed with his stowaway. It doesn’t help that Steven keeps referring to the Doctor as ‘Doc’. Who does he think The Doctor is? One of the seven dwarfs?

I love their choice of tools for self-defence.

The TARDIS materialises at the base of a coastal cliff, its arrival spotted by a monk up on the clifftop, who regards the box with a strange sense of understanding.

Before we can get to that, however, the Doctor and Vicki had better show Steven the ropes, the Doctor rattling off the names of every bit of kit in the control room, including the furniture for the sake of facetiousness.

Steven accepts that the TARDIS is bigger on the inside, but refuses to believe that it’s a time machine. Mate, you literally just came from a planet populated by walking mushrooms where you were held captive by Christmas tree baubles until a bunch of angry pepperpots turned up. Does time travel sound any more absurd to you?

Ticked off, the Doctor decides to prove to Steven that his ship really can time travel.

Meanwhile, in a village nearby, a bunch of unwashed peasants are discussing the mysterious box that just washed up on the beach. A couple of the men decide to go and look for it.

On the beach, Vicki finds an affront to history. Sorry, I mean she finds a Viking helmet. With horns on.

The Doctor sarcastically asks Steven if he thinks it’s actually a space helmet for a cow, seeing as he still refuses to accept it as an authentic Viking helmet.

Frankly, he’s absolutely right for the wrong reasons. Vikings did not wear horned helmets – not to battle, at the very least. Just think how impractical it would be.

I think the Space Cow explanation is quite a bit more likely.

The group decide to go exploring a bit and see if they can prove to Steven that they really have time-travelled, because apparently an actual Viking helmet wasn’t good enough.

I rather enjoy Steven and the Doctor taking sarcastic jabs at each other. It’s quite funny. I’m really warming to Steven in general, actually.

Once the group moves off, the Doctor going one way and Steven going another with Vicki, the monk from the clifftop approaches the ship and attempts to get inside, thankfully to no avail.

The Doctor eventually arrives at the village and meets a woman, Edith, who gives him a horn of mead once her initial caution wears off. Through a little discussion, the Doctor manages to glean that King Edward died earlier this year, making Harold Godwinson the new king. Much to the Doctor’s delight, he realises that must mean it’s 1066.

And the absence of a history teacher doesn’t mean we don’t get History Lesson Time, as the Doctor talks to himself (while mugging into the camera) about the soon-to-come invasion of Harald Hardrada, and then William the Conqueror.

The village is not far from the Monk’s monastery, the rhythmic chanting easily audible from Edith’s house. However, as the Doctor listens, the singing slows, distorting as it stops…rather like stopping a record.

Well, something dodgy is going on here.

He asks Edith, and she tells him she’s never actually seen the monks at the monastery, which had been abandoned for years until recently, but she hears them often.

Could it be that the Doctor isn’t the only one around here that doesn’t belong?

Steven and Vicki stop to rest, having got themselves lost. They spot a man, who finds something shiny on the ground, and against Vicki’s advice Steven jumps up and tackles him, having apparently forgotten his manners after two years of isolation. I wouldn’t have thought ‘rugby-tackling people is considered impolite’ would be an easy thing to forget, but I’ve never been marooned anywhere.

Steven manages to wrest the mysterious shiny object from the man’s hands, and makes an interesting discovery: it’s a wristwatch.

The Doctor travels up to the monastery and follows the sound of the singing, tracing it to a gramophone record player. However, he pays for his curiosity as a cage door comes down on him, trapping him as the Monk arrives to laugh at his misfortune.

This is pretty interesting so far. Consider my curiosity piqued.

THE MEDDLING MONK

The Monk takes the Doctor prisoner, but he’s nice enough to bring the Doctor quite a decent breakfast in the morning, prepared with some very anachronistic kitchen appliances, like a toaster. Elsewhere, Vicki and Steven come under attack in the woods, the Anglo-Saxon men springing from the bushes to capture these strangers.

To be fair, there is the looming threat of invasion. In fact, the first party of Vikings is already approaching. The Monk seems to have been anticipating their arrival.

The Saxons take Vicki and Steven, who is finally starting to believe that he really has travelled back in time, back to their village, where the headman, Edith’s husband, stops them doing anything rash for long enough for Edith to inquire if they’re looking for an elderly man with long white hair.

Vicki and Steven answer in the affirmative, and the headman lets them go, satisfied that they’re just travellers, sending them on their way with a pack of provisions.

Do you think he knows how silly he looks? Also, I can't find any similar helmets in my research, so this may be silly AND inaccurate.

A band of Vikings come ashore close by. Strictly speaking, we should call them Norsemen, seeing as they’re here to scout ahead for the rest of the fleet, and not to go viking, which is more of a job than a culture. Being pedantic is a hobby of mine.

Vicki and Steven reach the monastery, where they meet the Monk, who claims to have seen no sign of the Doctor. If that’s true, then, how is it that he rattles off a perfect description of the man when nobody has even told him what the Doctor looks like?

Vicki is suspicious, however, thinking that he gave himself away far too easily. Steven wants to break into the monastery right then and there, but Vicki cautions him that that is probably exactly what the Monk wants them to do, so they wait until nightfall.

With nightfall comes the arrival of the Vikings to the little village, and poor Edith, alone at home, bears the brunt of their brutality. They don’t kill her, and it’s not shown on screen what they did to her, but her husband finds her virtually catatonic from the trauma, so I think we can make an educated guess as to the implication.

Hopefully it will just fly over the younger viewers’ heads.

Edith manages to come around a bit and tells the others that it was the Vikings, and the men ready themselves to track Edith’s attackers down. It doesn’t take long, and a very unconvincing brawl ensues, killing one and driving the others off.

Vicki and Steven break into the monastery. It’s quite funny how they keep trying to vie for the leadership of their little group, trying to boss each other around. I say that seeing as Vicki’s been at this time-travelling lark for far longer than Steven, she gets to be in charge.

The headman brings one of the wounded Saxons to the monastery, distracting the monk as Vicki and Steven snoop about, soon finding the record player. They manage to find the Doctor’s cell, and Steven picks the lock, only to discover that the cell is empty, the shape on the bed they had assumed was the Doctor revealed to be nothing but a bundle of rags. He’s vanished!

A BATTLE OF WITS

Vicki and Steven soon discover that the Doctor has escaped through a tunnel hidden behind a loose stone in the cell, prompting Steven to remark, “Who’s a clever girl, then?” For goodness’ sake, Steven, she’s a young woman, not a well-trained poodle. No need to be so patronising.

The pair follow the passage, and the Monk returns to an empty cell, much to his confusion.

The Doctor, meanwhile, has safely made his way back to the village and meets up with Edith, who tells him about the Viking attack. He rushes off in a hurry, pausing, however, to let Edith in on a little secret: the king will defeat the Vikings.

He doesn’t mention the Normans who turn up a few weeks later, though. Got to have some surprises, I suppose.

Vicki and Steven emerge from the tunnel, Steven finally believing that he has time-travelled, but he still can’t stop thinking about the anachronistic things they’ve seen. The pair decide to find the Doctor and investigate further.

Back at the monastery, the Monk continues to be a curious individual. I very much enjoy his character. He’s the antagonist of the serial, that’s for sure, but I don’t think I’d characterise him as a villain. Yes, he did kidnap the Doctor, but then the Doctor’s no stranger to a little kidnapping from time to time. He gives the wounded Saxon some penicillin, telling him that it’s just a special herb. The headman leaves his friend with the monk to recover, to the monk’s reluctance, and leaves to prepare for the arrival of the very badly-dressed Vikings.

Really though, they look dreadful. They’re practically wearing potato sacks! By this point in history a Norseman and a Saxon would look pretty much alike on the battlefield, save for the shape of their shields. This lot look as if they just raided a rubbish fancy dress shop.

A couple of the Vikings find themselves isolated from the group, and decide their best option is to request sanctuary at the monastery. After all, it’s not as if the Monk can refuse, but the Monk already has a surprise guest: the Doctor, cane in hand and demanding answers.

Vicki and Steven struggle to track the Doctor down, but they stumble across something interesting in their search. Atop the cliffs, they find some sort of advanced weapon pointing out to sea. Figuring this has something to do with the mysterious Monk, they start heading back to the monastery via the secret tunnel.

Back at the monastery, the Doctor and the Monk are in something of a battle of wits, as the Doctor tries to coax information from the Monk, who keeps dodging his questions and trying to get rid of him. There’s a knock at the door, and the Doctor agrees to keep up the Monk’s ruse a little longer if it’ll get him answers, so dons the appropriate robes and invites the Vikings inside. I say ‘invites’, but really the Vikings just went straight for the death threats, which is rather rude of them.

By morning, the Viking on guard finds the Doctor’s cell apparently empty, and rushes to the secret exit, which has been left wide open. As he looks into it, the Doctor emerges from behind the cell door where he was hiding, and clobbers him.

The Monk gets down to the village, where he tries to enlist the men to help him light signal fires. However, the Saxons are suspicious, and Edith tells her husband about the Doctor’s warning of an impending invasion.

Vicki and Steven finally make it into the monastery as the Doctor confronts the Monk. In the monastery’s chapel, Vicki and Steven find a large stone sarcophagus, which for some reason has a power cable plugged into it.

Upon investigating further, they find that the sarcophagus is big enough to climb inside. It looks a bit of a snug fit at first sight, but wouldn’t you know it’s bigger on the inside? That’s right. It’s a TARDIS.

The Monk has a TARDIS.

I really enjoyed this episode. The reveal at the end honestly made me gasp. We know of course that there are other ships that can time travel in the Doctor’s universe, but more TARDISes? What is the plural of TARDIS? Tardises? Tardii? Tardodes? Or is it like ‘sheep’ where the plural of TARDIS is TARDIS?

The whole dynamic between the Doctor and the Monk is delightful to me. The pair have a real chemistry with each other, making them a joy to watch.

Let’s see how it all turns out, shall we?

CHECKMATE

The Monk reveals to the Doctor that he’s going to lure the Vikings to the cliffs, where he’ll destroy them.

Inside the Monk’s TARDIS, Vicki and Steven find the Monk’s ‘collection’ of pilfered artifacts from various cultures and time periods.

Oh, so it’s like a time travelling version of the British Museum?

That’s not all he’s been getting up to, though. As he tells the Doctor, he gave Leonardo da Vinci the idea to try making a flying machine, and also had the rather clever idea to put a few bob in the bank, hop forwards a couple hundred years, then collect on the compound interest.

The Doctor vehemently disapproves, of course, but the Monk insists that time travel is more fun this way. And it’s not as if he hasn’t put his footprint on history before. After all, could the ancient Britons really have built Stonehenge without the assistance of anti-gravity devices?

The Monk explains his plan to help Harold Godwinson beat William of Normandy. It’s simple enough at its core: just make sure he doesn’t have to fight Harald Hardrada.

He’s come to the site of Hardrada’s landing, and positioned an atomic cannon on the cliffs. When the invasion fleet shows up, he’ll blow them sky-high, so that Harold Godwinson doesn’t have to fight Harald Hardrada. That’ll save him thousands of casualties weakening his army, and his troops won’t be exhausted from weeks of marching and fighting when they get to Hastings. With any luck, he’ll be able to drive the Normans back, and Britain will remain Anglo-Saxon.

If nothing else, maybe English spelling would be a bit more consistent in the future.

The knocked-out Viking comes around and releases his comrade, the pair deciding to stick around for the sake of safety (but probably realising they need to be a lot more wary of the old men).

The Monk shows the Doctor to his TARDIS, teasing him about being unable to fix the cloaking device of his own. As he’s doing that, the wounded Saxon sneaks out of the monastery.

The Doctor notes that the Monk has a newer, shinier TARDIS than he does. Jealous, Doc?

They find Vicki and Steven, who themselves have discovered the Monk’s checklist. The Doctor confirms that the Monk is from the same place as him (wherever that is), but probably from about 50 years in the future from the point the Doctor left home, going by his TARDIS.

Really, the Doctor and the Monk are a lot more alike than the Doctor would probably like to admit. Both are eccentric and mysterious time-travelling old men, and like the Doctor, the Monk does actually want to help the people he comes across. He just has a different way of going about it. Whereas the Doctor tends to avoid interfering too much with recorded historical events, the Monk sees no problem with it. He figures that a few changed history books is worth keeping Harold on the throne, and keeping French nobility away from the English crown might avoid the subsequent centuries of wars over succession.

I’m already very doubtful, but it gets worse.

With a little nudging, the English might have aeroplanes by the 14th century, and perhaps rather than at the Globe, Shakespeare might be putting his plays on television. I’m sorry, but no. You can’t change possibly the most significant historical event in English history and expect there to be no massive ripples.

Sorry, Monk, but I’m with the Doctor on this one. You can’t possibly predict the end results of a change that big. The Doctor wastes no time in telling the Monk exactly what he thinks of his plan, but the Monk isn’t really open to constructive criticism, choosing to make a break for it. He doesn’t get far before running into the Vikings, who he gets away from by hailing King Harald and pointing out the other three as enemies of the Vikings.

In the village, Edith and her husband tell the other villagers about the impending invasion, and share their suspicions about the monk. The wounded Saxon makes a timely appearance, and tells everyone that there are already Vikings at the monastery. With no time to lose, the whole village takes up arms (yes, even Edith!) and heads up to the monastery.

They find the Vikings en-route to set signal fires for the Monk, who told them that they would aid the invasion fleet. Successfully chasing them off, Edith enters the monastery and frees the travellers, before heading out again, spear in hand, to chase down the invaders. I heartily approve, and I think the Doctor does, too. He seems quite taken with her, in fact.

The Monk continues to flee with the Vikings, and distracts them so that they get delayed and captured, enabling him to slip away. Little does he know, however, that back at the monastery the Doctor is tampering with his TARDIS. Satisfied with his handiwork, the Doctor leaves a note for the Monk, and leads the others back to his own TARDIS. Job done?

Back at the cliffs, the gang find the TARDIS safe and sound, undamaged by its time underwater.

We’ve also got a nice moment of character development, as the Doctor cheerfully declares he’s quite happy to have Steven along for the ride with Vicki. He’s come a long way from threatening to abandon his companions for annoying him.

But what of the Monk?

Rather the worse for wear and with his plan in ruins, the Monk decides he’d better be moving on. He finds the note left for him, saying that the Doctor might release him at some point if he’s a good boy. But what does he mean by that? Well, when the Monk looks into his TARDIS, he gets a nasty shock– it’s the same size on the inside as it is on the outside. The Doctor’s nicked the dimensional control, and marooned the Monk!

That’s karma for you. Perhaps he’ll learn his lesson?

Final Thoughts

Needless to say, I really enjoyed this serial. It was a fun twist on the pure historicals we usually see, blending that fantastical element into the historical setting in a fun way. I hope to see more experiments like this.

I think I can confirm I definitely like Steven. Peter Purves is funny and charming, and Steven reminds me of a lot of blokes I know. That could just be Purves’ Lancashire accent, though.

A special mention has to go to Peter Butterworth for his portrayal of the Monk. It’s not often that an antagonist on Doctor Who delights me so much, but he gives a thoroughly entertaining performance. His entire demeanour is very Doctor-like, though a bit more mischievous, and with a self-serving streak. He’s like how I imagine the Doctor might have turned out if he didn’t have anyone around to keep him in check. Not particularly malicious, but definitely a law unto himself. He plays very well opposite Hartnell, and I’d enjoy seeing him again at some point.

Additionally, going over my notes I’ve just realised that Edith’s actress, Alethea Charlton, has been in Doctor Who, all the way back in The Firemakers. She was Hur, the cavewoman. I’ve really no memory for faces.

I can go on at some length when I’m not particularly impressed with a serial, but it’s quite hard when it’s the other way around. What can I say? I’m English. We like complaining.

There really isn’t much to complain about, though. I suppose if I did have to nitpick, I’d have liked the Vikings to be a bit more fleshed-out. They’re the weakest part of the serial, not being especially interesting to me. They serve a purpose, but not much beyond that. And the helmets are still a travesty.

I suppose the same goes for the Anglo-Saxons. I can’t remember the names of any of them except Edith, and she was the only one I really cared about, because of her extra screen-time.

Even so, that’s really a minor quibble. It’s simply a well-written, well-acted serial which doesn’t overstay its welcome and doesn’t rush itself either. What more could you ask for, except for more serials like this?

4 out of 5 stars

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Movies, Science Fiction/Fantasy

[July 6, 1965] Same Difference (Dr. Who And The Daleks)

July 6, 2020 Jessica Holmes 3 Comments

By Jessica Holmes

Welcome to another round of my ramblings on Doctor Who, where this time I’ll be talking about something a bit different. I’ve had the opportunity to see the Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Susan in full colour on the big screen, but not quite as you know them.

I’ve just previewed the new film (so new, in fact, that it doesn’t come out in the UK theaters until August) Dr. Who And The Daleks, Milton Subotsky’s adaptation of Terry Nation’s serial, The Daleks. Directed by Gordon Flemyng and starring Peter Cushing, this adaptation manages to be too much like the original and not enough, both to its detriment. How? Well, let me explain.

For anyone who didn’t see the original The Daleks, or missed my review back then, here’s a basic rundown of the plot. If you’re familiar with the original, you can skip this next bit. Aside from the setup, it is almost exactly the same.

A Quick Recap

Eccentric-but-kindly inventor Dr. Who lives (Peter Cushing) with his two granddaughters, Susan (Roberta Tovey) and Barbara (Jennie Linden). When Barbara’s friend Ian (Roy Castle) comes by the house one day, Dr. Who shows him his new invention, a time-and-space machine called Tardis, which is bigger on the inside. Ian accidentally activates the machine, sending the group to an alien world. They land in a petrified forest destroyed long ago in an atomic war, and spot a city in the distance.

Outside Tardis, Susan gets a fright when a stranger tries to approach her. Shortly after, the group finds a box of medicine left by the door of Tardis. Although the younger members of the group are keen to return home, Dr. Who lies and says there is a problem with a component of his ship, the fluid link, and insists they must go to the city to look for the materials to repair it. Once in the city, the group discover that the surface of this world is awash with radiation, and the symptoms of radiation sickness are beginning to set in. To make matters worse, they get captured by the Daleks, a race of creatures who get around in armoured personal vehicles to protect themselves from the radiation.

That central part of the computer revolves. It's a rather wonderful set piece.

The Daleks seize TARDIS’ fluid link from Dr. Who, and overhear the group discussing that the drugs they found could be their only hope to survive the radiation sickness. Coveting the drug for themselves, the Daleks order Susan to retrieve the medicine from Tardis, promising that the humans will be allowed to administer the treatment. Upon her arrival at Tardis, Susan meets Alydon (Barrie Ingham), the leader of the Thals, another group of people who live on this world. Unlike the Daleks, the Thals appear human. They went to war with the Daleks a long time ago and both their civilisations were destroyed. The Thals have come to the Dalek city because their crops have failed and they want to trade their medicine for food. Alydon gives Susan an extra box of medicine, and she returns to the city, where the Daleks allow the humans to use the spare box.

Perhaps they should have called this 'Planet of the Bad Haircuts'.

The Daleks get Susan to write a letter to the Thals inviting them to trade, but when she completes the letter the Daleks announce their intentions to betray the Thals and destroy them.

The humans manage to disable a Dalek by cutting off its power supply, and escape to warn the Thals of the ambush. Most manage to flee in time, and the humans regroup with the Thals at their camp, where after some goading from Dr. Who and Ian, the pacifistic Thals agree to strike back at the Daleks. However, the attack fails, and Dr. Who and Susan are recaptured.

Ian, Barbara and Alydon try a different way into the city, travelling through dangerous swampland and over a mountain to infiltrate the city from the rear, following the water pipes. Once inside, they regroup with the rest of the Thals, who launched an attack to rescue Dr. Who and Susan. The Daleks are about to detonate another atomic bomb to make the planet uninhabitable for the Thals, but the humans and Thals manage to stop them in time, with Ian tricking the Daleks into destroying their own machinery. Dr. Who recovers the fluid link, and with Tardis repaired and the Daleks defeated, the humans say their farewells and leave for Earth.

What’s The Difference?

So far so identical. There’s been a bit of a change in the setup, with Susan becoming much younger, and Ian and Barbara are no longer her teachers. I suppose it makes sense, given that otherwise the film would have to devote time to explaining why an old man and a young girl are dragging a couple of teachers around time and space. In addition I would imagine there would be additional legal hoops to jump through in order to adapt that aspect of An Unearthly Child.

It makes sense, yes, but do I like it? Not especially. In changing Ian and Barbara’s relationship to the Doctor and Susan, the dynamic of the group changes. There was a palpable divide between the teachers and the strange people with their blue box. It created an interesting internal tension because Ian and Barbara weren’t sure how much they could trust the Doctor, who at that point did not much care for them, either. This tension is absent here, with the gang being chummy from the outset. I think this could have been handled better as it’s far less interesting.

In the grand scheme of things though, it’s not that bad. It’s weaker than the original, but the dynamic still works in the context of its own film. What is bad, however, is what’s been done to the characters. I could have named this section ‘Who are you, and what have you done with Ian Chesterton’. Oh, Ian. Poor, poor Ian. It’s not merely that he is different from his television counterpart. That, I could cope with, if his character wasn’t a paper-thin lacklustre hammily-acted dim-witted sad attempt at comic relief.

The single dignified shot of him in the whole film.

This is not Ian Chesterton. He has the same name but that is literally all he has in common with his television counterpart. Well, unless you count having his legs paralysed by the Daleks. This Ian is just an absolute buffoon, and he stays that way the whole film, apart from one singular moment at the end when he tricks the Daleks. Even if I were to pretend the original didn’t exist, and judge the film purely on its own merits (which I am trying to do, up to a certain point), he would still be a flat, static character.

I swear her hair gets a little bigger every time she goes off-camera.

So, what of Barbara? Well, Barbara’s just sort of…there. She exists. You could cut her out of the film and I don’t believe anything would change. So that’s two strikes, one for bad adaptation, and another for just a bad character in general.

Which brings us to Susan. Or as she’s usually called in the film, Susie. Susie is an interesting case. When she was first introduced, I confess that I found her quite annoying, as she sounded like she’d swallowed a thesaurus every time she opened her mouth. However I did warm to her as the film went on, as she adapted to her situation and faced every challenge head-on. Despite being younger, she’s a good deal braver than her television counterpart, and that is a change I welcome.

And now for the biggie. Dr. Who. I’m going to be pedantic for a moment. Well, I’m always pedantic, but I’m going to be extra pedantic. I don’t like calling him Dr. Who. Yes, I know it’s the name of the television programme. Yes, I also know that that is the character’s name in the credits. But I think we can all agree that this man is not literally called Dr. Who. It just sounds wrong. Still, I admit there’s no actual concrete reason I can give to explain my disdain for this choice of nomenclature other than ‘I just don’t like it’.

Dr. Who and the Doctor are two markedly different characters. Even now, at his considerably softened state, Hartnell’s Doctor would look prickly as a porcupine next to Cushing’s Doctor Who. If we compare the version of the Doctor who appeared in The Daleks, it's like night and day.

There’s nothing wrong with Cushing’s performance. In fact, he’s very charming and Dr. Who has a likeable and warm personality which will no doubt be immediately endearing to viewers. In fact, I think that’s likely the reason for the change. The Doctor, in his earliest appearances, was not an easy character to like. Grumpy, often selfish, and just plain difficult all around, the original Doctor would not have translated well into his big-screen counterpart. At least, not without forcing through character development so fast it’d give you whiplash to keep the viewers on-side.

Not faithful enough, or too faithful?

My answer? It's both. Though there are numerous character changes, as noted above, the plot of the film is identical to the plot of the serial. One the one hand, I do appreciate when a film is faithful to the story of its source material. However, this becomes a problem when the entire plot is lifted beat-for-beat from a serial with a total runtime of about 175 minutes and crushing it down to fit an 81-minute film.

There’s no room for the plot to breathe. There’s no room for the thoughtful, meditative conversations on the philosophy of pacifism. The original serial took the time to examine the Thals’ dedication to pacifism, and the process to convince them of the need to challenge the Daleks was long and slow, as you would expect when trying to convince a whole society to cast aside their deepest and most dearly-held belief. Here, the Thals get over the whole pacifism thing in the course of a single scene. It completely flattens them and takes the thoughtfulness out of the conflict, a thoughtfulness which was one of my favourite parts of the original.

In addition, having less time to convey information, this film is heavy on the exposition. Very, very heavy. Daleks have a bad habit of explaining their plans to each other for no reason, but this takes it to a new level. Barely a scene goes by without a character practically grabbing the camera and delivering a lecture on the history of this conflict. It is very tiresome.

It’s Not All Bad, Though.

No, really. There’s something I can’t complain about and would dearly love to see on television: the production value. The sets for this film don’t require any generous suspension of disbelief to be believable – they just are. Well-designed lighting drenches the petrified forest in an eerie light, giving the area a sickly appearance that makes the Dalek city, by contrast, look warm and welcoming. However, the lighting in the city is stark and harsh, as are the Daleks. The sets are well-made and the colour choices are cohesive and visually pleasing, though I’m not certain that the Daleks would be terribly fond of the colour pink.

The Daleks themselves take full advantage of the upgrade to full-colour, with their shells appearing in a veritable rainbow of hues. Production photos and promotional materials reveal that the original Daleks are surprisingly colourful too, and it would genuinely delight me to see the programme in full colour, should the BBC begin broadcasting in colour within the programme’s lifetime.

I also approve of the much fuller soundtrack of the film, as opposed to the quite sparse use of music in the serials. That said it does veer a little James Bond-ish at times, and I’d rather Dr. Who stayed well away from that sort of thing, thank you very much.

I admire how the serials manage to stretch their budget, but I would love it if the BBC would give the production team more to work with, so that we might bring visual treats like this into our living rooms a bit more often.

It’s not very likely, but a girl can dream.

That said, what on Earth (or Skaro) did they do to the TARDIS?! The interior looks like more of a junkyard than the one from An Unearthly Child. They even did away with the round things on the walls!

They even got rid of the central console!

Final Thoughts

So, I’ve spent quite a bit of time comparing this film to the serial on which it is based. I had originally told myself, when I set out to write this, that I wouldn’t do that, that I would judge it purely on its own merits. However, having seen how identical it is to the original in many aspects, how could I not put the changes under a magnifying glass?

Adaptation is an inherently transformative process. On that I think we can all agree. The act of transplanting a story from one medium into another is always going to result in changes from the source material. Changes, in and of themselves, are not a bad thing. Take Sherlock Holmes. That’s been adapted to hell and back a thousand times since it was written and will be written to hell and back a thousand times more. Even take the legend of King Arthur. That’s been adapted so many times nobody knows what the original is. The aim with adaptation is not to avoid changes entirely. Changes can be good. They can add complexity to a character, depth to a plot. However, when changes flatten a character, then we have a problem. And additionally a reluctance to change can, as I described earlier, be to the detriment of an adaptation. It’s a delicate matter so perhaps you will forgive me my nitpicking. On the whole, do I think the changes made were justified? No. Dr. Who And The Daleks is a weak, rushed, flat story with flat characters and an abrupt and unsatisfying conclusion.

It might have higher production values and shinier sets, but there is something hollow at the heart of Dr. Who And The Daleks. Something was lost on the way to the big screen, and that’s enough for me to recommend that you steer clear of this film when it premieres. A far better use of your time would be to pick up David Whitaker’s novelisation of The Daleks, which comes out in paperback in October (though there is a hardback version already available, if you can get your hands on it).

As for me, I think I’m getting quite sick of Daleks, and I'm eager to turn my attention back to the Doctor Who we know and love.

1.5 out of 5 stars

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Science Fiction/Fantasy, TV

[June 28, 1965] An Hour Of My Life I Will Never Get Back (Doctor Who: The Chase [parts 4-6])

June 28, 2020 Jessica Holmes 1 Comment

By Jessica Holmes

The title of this article says it all, really. This serial is… well, it’s really quite something, and I don’t mean that in a good way. So, to recap: the Daleks are chasing the TARDIS through time and space, taking them to exotic places like a desert world beset by monsters, a mysterious ghost ship, and… a New York tourism hot-spot. Let's see where they wind up next.

JOURNEY INTO TERROR

Well, here we go, I suppose. The TARDIS makes a landing in a dusty old mansion, and the Doctor drags Ian off to explore while the women make the much more sensible choice to stay near the TARDIS. The mansion is quite thoroughly spooky, infested with bats and goodness knows what else.

It doesn’t take long for things to take a creepy turn, as skeletons drop from the ceiling and ghosts rudely barge through people.

And then Frankenstein’s Monster shows up.

No, really.

The Doctor and Ian find a laboratory upstairs, and within, a familiar scene: the strange machinery, the lumpy shape under the tarp. And then the monster rises, giving the pair quite the fright.

Meanwhile, downstairs…

I cannot believe I’m typing this.

Downstairs, Barbara and Vicki meet Count Dracula.

He doesn’t do much other than introduce himself and then leave. In the time Barbara takes to see where he went, Vicki manages to disappear, and a woman appears on the balcony above to scream something unintelligible. Nope, I have no idea what her problem is.

Anyway.

Barbara leans into a moving wall because no haunted house is complete without a few secret passageways.

Upstairs, the men note that something feels strangely familiar about the house. Oh, like the numerous public domain characters running about the place?

I’ll bet you Walt Disney had something to do with this.

The Doctor comes up with a theory on this house being some sort of physical manifestation of the collective fears of humanity. I don’t know what the physical manifestation of existential dread would be, but perhaps that’s a bit too heavy for teatime telly.

If his theory is true, the Daleks shouldn’t be able to land here, seeing as it's all just a figment of the imagination.

And a couple of minutes after making his case, the Daleks land. So much for that, then.

Ian and the Doctor can't find the women downstairs, and beginning to worry they reluctantly venture back into the laboratory, where a Dalek politely asks Ian where the time travellers are.

Let’s just take a moment to process this. You mean to tell me that the Daleks have been chasing these humans across time and space for three and a half episodes, and don’t even know what they look like?

Ian and the Doctor scarper as Frankenstein’s Monster rises to do battle with the Dalek. Now, there’s a sentence I never imagined writing. Time to place your bets, folks. Who would win, the Monster or the Dalek?

You might be surprised.

The men make it back downstairs, where they manage to meet with the women again. Where did they go and how did they get back? Pssh, who cares? It’s time for the Hammer Horror showdown.

A Dalek arrives on scene to accost the gang, but before it gets the chance to blast them to kingdom come, Count Dracula pops out. The group make a run for it while the Dalek is distracted, Vicki stopping to warn the Count of the grave danger he’s in. Bless.

However, she needn’t worry, as the Dalek’s blast does nothing at all to him. Well, I say she needn't worry, but that's not quite true. The Count's fine, but the Doctor's neglected to do a headcount and the TARDIS just left without her.

Then things really descend into madness.

As the Count repeatedly informs the Daleks ‘III AAAM COOOUNT DRAAACULA’, Frankenstein’s Monster tosses the plunger-toting menace about like dustbins, and the woman on the balcony incessantly screams gibberish. Amidst the chaos, Vicki sneaks aboard the Dalek capsule.

The Daleks, realising they’re beaten, beat a hasty machine into their own capsule. So, that wild fever dream is over. What was really going on, though?

The Doctor stands by his theory, but Ian thinks a simpler explantation is more likely. Sure enough, he’s right, though he'll never know it.

The cameraman lets us in on the secret by panning the camera down to the the ticket stand for ‘Frankenstein’s House Of Horrors’, $10 entry, which further signs indicate was the highlight of the "1996 Festival of Ghana." Well, it would have been if the event hadn’t been "cancelled by Peking."

I only have more questions now.

So, anyway, aboard the TARDIS the adults eventually realise they’ve left their ward behind. Mr Chesterton and Miss Wright, I am very disappointed in you. You’re meant to be the responsible ones.

Aboard the Dalek ship, they’re in hot pursuit, and about to deploy their secret weapon: a ‘perfect’ robot copy of the Doctor.

I will get to this in a moment.

Vicki attempts to contact the TARDIS to no avail. The rest of her team are feeling tremendously guilty as well they should. However, they apparently can’t go back for her for important time-travel reasons, but if they could capture the Dalek ship, they could get her in that.

Let’s just go with it.

On the Dalek ship, the roboDoctor is almost ready. Or perhaps I should call him Roboctor? Let’s have a look at him.

A perfect copy, the Daleks insist. Sure, apart from the face, the height, the build, the general bearing, and, well, everything about him. Hartnell voices him in a very dodgy dub. I don't know why he couldn't just play the doppleganger fully.

You know what? I’m going to call it Doctor What.

The final shot rolls in as Doctor What affirms his orders to infiltrate and destroy and this time… he is played by Hartnell. I despair. Why? I just do not understand. It’s so jarring.

Stick around, we’re not done yet.

THE DEATH OF DOCTOR WHO

It might well be if things carry on like this.

The TARDIS lands in a swamp populated by walking mushrooms that are scared of bright lights. That’s neat, I suppose.

There’s a trail of lights overhead, which the companions decide to follow, reasoning that this might be a decent place to fight the Daleks. The Daleks arrive soon after and decide they should kill anything that moves, because of course they do.

Vicki creeps out from hiding and flees into the swamp, promptly running into a walking mushroom. It doesn’t kill her because ‘killed by a giant mushroom’ is too embarrassing a fate to foist upon any character. The universe won't abide it.

The rest of the group find a cave at the end of the trail of lights, and in it they find a sort of glowing wand which they can use to ward off the mushrooms. It’s more of a glorified torch than a weapon, but that doesn’t stop Barbara waving it about and making adorable shooty sounds.

Ian’s been toting the Doctor's device around since they left the TARDIS, but the Doctor warns everybody that they can't use it in an enclosed space. Honestly I’m not convinced that it isn’t just a transistor radio. You could do some damage if you threw it hard enough at someone’s head, I suppose.

Vicki manages to fight off the giant mushroom because, well. It’s a mushroom. She finds the TARDIS, but it’s locked, and the mushroom is still following her. Maybe it just wants to be her friend? Consider the mushroom’s feelings, Vicki.

Having tried absolutely nothing to get out of her situation such as, I don’t know, running away and looking for the others, Vicki is all out of ideas. And as you do when you run out of ideas, she starts screaming her head off.

Though they’re probably miles away, the rest of the gang hear her, and the men run out to see what’s making that dreadful racket. With them gone, Doctor What slips into the cave.

The Doctor and Ian find Vicki unconscious with a mushroom standing over her. Now, this looks bad for the mushroom, but I have to reiterate that it’s a mushroom and probably can’t hurt anyone, unless Vicki tried eating it, I suppose. I bet she just fainted.

Doctor What continues to frustrate me as the episode keeps flipping between having him played by Hartnell and Hartnell's double. It’s just so visually confusing.

Doctor What tells Barbara that Ian’s dead, and she could try acting a little sadder if you ask me. He lures her out of the cave to look for his body, and the real Doctor and Ian come back to find her gone. While Ian goes to look for her, the Doctor stays to look after Vicki.

However, upon awakening to find the Doctor leaning over her, Vicki panics and hits him, thinking that he’s Doctor What. It’s then that Ian returns, and they work out what must have happened to Barbara.

Ian manages to have an appropriately horrified reaction to Barbara being in mortal danger, and runs out to look for her.

Hearing Ian calling out for her, Barbara is overjoyed to realise he’s alive, but her joy turns to horror as Doctor What attacks her. Luckily Ian’s soon on the scene and Doctor What beats a hasty retreat.

They return to the cave, but the gang seems to have acquired an extra Doctor.

One tries to attack the other, but Ian intervenes, to which this Doctor threatens him too. Well, that was a clever idea, wasn’t it? The very-obviously-not-Hartnell Doctor watches from the sidelines, urging Ian to destroy the ‘fake’ Doctor with a rock.

However, before Ian gets the chance (he didn’t even pause to think!), Barbara realises the deception and stops him.

Now comes the one point in the serial where there’s any point to using the double: a Doctor fight!

Ah, but which Doctor won? Now, that would have been fun to play with, but nothing comes of it, so I’ll chalk this up as a missed opportunity.

The Daleks find the TARDIS, but come under attack by a mushroom and decide to call it a night. Meanwhile, the companions get some rest. Their presence hasn’t gone unnoticed, however. As they sleep, a camera descends from the ceiling and observes them.

Upon awakening, the companions spot a city suspended high above the canopy. It’s a nice design, very organic, so a thumbs up from me to the art department.

However, they might pay more attention to the sights at ground level, as the Daleks have found their cave.

Ian comes up with the bright idea for the Doctor to pretend to be the robot, and as the group argues over whether that’s a good idea (and decides that it’s not), the Doctor, listening in the background, heads outside to give it a go. I’m proud of him. He’d never have taken a risk like that back when he first met the Daleks, now here he goes putting himself in danger to help his friends.

Still, the companions weren’t wrong when they decided it was a bad idea, as it only takes a Dalek about ten seconds to realise that the Doctor isn’t a robot, and the Doctor flees back into the cave as the Dalek shoots at him, shaken up but unharmed. Ah, well. It was worth a try.

He’s about to use his device as a last resort when the rear wall of the cave opens up to reveal a massive Christmas tree ornament. This thing is called a Mechanoid, and it sounds like a Dalek that’s lost its voice from all the screaming. With no better options, the gang decide to follow it.

There’s one good thing I can say about this point of the serial: one more episode and it’s over!

THE PLANET OF DECISION

The group follow the Mechanoid into a lift, and it’s just as awkward as any time one shares a lift (or ‘elevator’ for the Americans) with a perfect stranger, with the Mechanoid ignoring any and all attempts at small talk.

The Daleks are momentarily confused to find the cave empty, but soon realise that the group must have escaped through a wall somehow.

The lift arrives at its destination on the elevated walkway, and the group begin to make their way to the city. The Mechanoid meets another Mechanoid and they perform a strange gesture which could be a greeting, but could just be a result of them being too bulbous to move past one another.

The Mechanoid takes them to a building and ushers them inside, where they find a bed, some scaffolding, and a man by the name of Steven Taylor. You might find him a little familiar, as his actor, Peter Purves, appeared a few episodes ago as the man from Alabama at the top of the Empire State Building.

Honestly, Steven might be the one new character in this whole serial I don’t loathe. In fact, I’d go so far as to say I really rather like him. He’s a little odd, as anyone would be after two years of isolation, but he’s a nice bloke and good-humoured.

Steven explains that Earth decided to colonise this world about fifty years ago and sent the Mechanoids on ahead to get started on the building, but then humanity got itself involved in another war and all plans for colonisation fell by the wayside. Cool, but I have to ask how do the Mechanoids build anything? Look at them! They’re less dextrous than Daleks, and that’s saying something.

He’s been their prisoner since he crash-landed two years ago, and it looks like the companions are the new exhibits in the Mechanoids’ human zoo. Why are the Mechanoids keeping people like zoo animals? Honestly no idea.

The Daleks manage to get at the lift shaft and head in, despite reservations about the potential firepower of the Mechanoids. I think the Daleks might have been humbled a little by their string of misadventures.

It turns out that the scaffolding in the human pen leads up to the roof, which is unguarded. That’s all well and good, but it’s 1500 feet up. Bit of a big jump.

The Doctor finally thinks to mention that he has a functioning spaceship, giving Steven hope that they might finally escape. Ian finds a coil of cable, and while he unravels it, the Doctor reports to the girls the plan to climb down. They aren’t terribly keen, to say the least.

However, they don’t get chance to protest too much, as the Daleks arrive at the city for a showdown with the Mechanoids. Everyone rushes onto the roof and prepares to get going, as the Doctor primes his device, leaving a little something for the Daleks to remember him by.

They have to blindfold Vicki and tie the cable around her waist to get her down, but otherwise that part of the plan goes without a hitch as the Doctor’s device explodes and incapacitates exactly one Dalek. However, Steven realises he left his lucky stuffed panda mascot behind and rushes back into the burning building to look for it.

Oh, and the Daleks and Mechanoids fight. Being as awkward and unwieldy as the pair are, it’s about as thrilling as you’d expect. The Mechanoids do have flamethrowers though, which I suppose is neat. Honestly I’m rooting for the Daleks in this fight, because I find the Mechanoids’ voices that annoying.

The companions make it down to the forest floor sans Steven, and moments later the city collapses in flames.

The group make it to the Dalek time capsule, and find it empty. They’ve won.

So, what do you do with a spare time-and-space-ship? You go home in it, that’s what.

Though it seems the programme forgot about it long ago, Ian and Barbara have been trying to get back home since they first came aboard the TARDIS, hindered by circumstance and the Doctor’s dodgy piloting skills. Here’s their chance to get home, and they’re going to take it.

I am deeply, deeply annoyed that this couldn’t have come at the end of a better serial.

At least Steven turns out to be alive after all.

The Doctor is apoplectic at the suggestion of the teachers piloting the Dalek ship home, citing the immense risks involved. And, well, I think he got rather used to having them around.

It gets quite heated as Ian complains that he’s tired of all this aimless drifting through space, which is basically the Doctor’s entire way of life. The Doctor insists he’s been trying to get them home all this time, seeing as he never wanted them aboard to begin with.

It’s only when Vicki intervenes and reassures the Doctor that she won’t leave him alone that he finally relents and shows the teachers how to work the machine.

The Doctor and Vicki leave them to it, the Doctor saying that it’s fifty-fifty whether they make it or not. The Dalek machine dematerialises. Did they make it?

Welcome to London, 1965. Newest arrivals: Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright.

Ian sets the machine to self-destruct and then the pair run off into a photo montage in which they’re attacked by pigeons, make silly faces and just generally lark about London like a couple of drunken students. It’s sweet seeing them being so overjoyed to get back home, and when they eventually flop onto a bus seat and ask for the wrong fare, Ian has the perfect answer when the conductor asks him if he’s been living on the moon: “No, but you’re getting warm.”

The Doctor and Vicki survey them on the Space Telly, and though Vicki is thrilled to see they made it safely, the Doctor is thoroughly down in the dumps. Tearfully he admits that he shall miss Ian and Barbara, and I think my heart just broke a little bit.

Final Thoughts

I think we can all agree that that ending deserved a better serial than The Chase. Ian and Barbara deserved a better final story than The Chase. William Russell and Jacqueline Hill certainly deserved a better serial to end on.

I think I’ve gone on for long enough about this serial’s many failings: the meandering plot, the frequent slow moments, the way it renders the Daleks as more of a joke than a menace, and that’s without mentioning the Dracula in the room. Oh, and the humour's pretty weak, too.

So, that said, let’s give Ian and Barbara some love. I noted earlier that I don’t think the Doctor would have pulled his stunt with the Dalek had this situation come up back when he first met them. What changed his character for the better? Ian and Barbara. Back in The Daleks, they’d barely met him, yet they’d already stopped him from acting on his worst impulses in the previous serial, steering him away from homicide. From the start they’ve been the moral backbone of the show, supporting the Doctor as he developed one of his own. The character we see in this serial is almost an entirely different person from the selfish, grouchy man in the junkyard.

For much of the show’s run, I’ve seen Ian and Barbara as the only real adults in the group. While they were introduced to the show to give it an educational component, I think we can agree the scholarly side of that has fallen by the wayside. What didn’t, however, was the moral education they gave both the audience and the other characters. They constantly challenged the Doctor and the people they met to rise to a better standard. And although we can’t say for certain the impact they left on all the people they left behind, the result with the Doctor speaks for itself.

It would have been easy for Ian and Barbara to have become irritating and sanctimonious, but they managed to remain thoroughly likable throughout their travels. Part of that must surely go to the talent and charm of Russell and Hill, who I’m sure have long, successful careers ahead of them. They made a fantastic pair. Though I’m sad to see them both go, I must admit that it makes sense, as having one without the other wouldn’t be the same.

So, thank you, Ian and Barbara. Thank you William and Jacqueline. And thank you all for your continued interest in all things Doctor Who.

2 out of 5 stars

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Science Fiction/Fantasy, TV

[June 6, 1965] The Dawdle, More Like (Doctor Who: The Chase [Parts 1-3])

June 6, 2020 Jessica Holmes 1 Comment

By Jessica Holmes

Well, it had to happen eventually. It’s impossible for a writer to knock it out of the park every time, and Terry Nation has batted his first foul ball. I think that’s the metaphor, anyway. But yes, his streak is over, giving us a rather tiresome story, The Chase, that I now bear the burden of talking about for a couple thousand words.

Let’s get on with it, shall we?

THE EXECUTIONERS

I was very excited going into this serial, as of course the Dalek stories we’ve had so far have also brought with them some societal commentary, and I am a big fan of that sort of thing. A bit of running around and zapping things is fun, but if you can give me food for thought at the same time I’ll fall madly in love.

This is not one of those stories.

The first half of the first episode is more or less dedicated to watching the companions watching television IN SPACE. Remember the Time And Space Visualiser the Doctor picked up from the museum? Yes, he gets it fixed so they all gather round to watch historical events across time and space. Because surely that’s much more fun than just using your time machine to visit these places in person. They snoop on the court of Queen Elizabeth I, watch Abraham Lincoln deliver the Gettysburg Address, and at Vicki’s request, they tune in to Top Of The Pops to watch The Beatles. Don’t get me wrong, I like the lads from Liverpool, but this is just pure filler. It serves no purpose whatsoever and honestly it’s quite boring.

Didn't your mothers ever warn you not to sit so close to the telly?

So after all that, the plot finally starts to move, as the TARDIS lands on a desert planet, sand dunes stretching far as the eye can see. The Doctor and Barbara stay by the TARDIS to catch some sun, while Ian and Vicki go exploring. Vicki finds some strange, bad smelling substance on the ground, and she and Ian follow the trail, not knowing that there’s something alive in the sand.

Back at the TARDIS, Barbara hears an awful noise. No, it’s not the Doctor’s singing. The Time And Space Visualiser (gosh, that’s a mouthful, isn’t it? Let’s just call it a Space Telly) has picked up the Daleks in pursuit.

Cue a rather awkward scene in which the Dalek explain their plans for assassinating the TARDIS crew to one another, for nobody’s benefit but the audience. It’s a terribly clumsy way to deliver exposition, and the scene doesn’t get any better as we watch them silently file into their time capsule one by one. There are loads of them and I aged five years in the time it took.

So now that I’m pushing thirty and the Daleks have finally got into their time capsule, the Doctor and Barbara realise it’s time to get going, and fast. However, Ian and Vicki have wandered far away by now.

Vicki finds the end of the trail, and though at first glance nothing seems to be there, Ian finds some sort of ring in the sand, not unlike a door handle. After some deliberation over whether it’s a good idea to be pulling on things without knowing what they are, Ian goes ahead and tugs it, yanking the ring out of the ground, and opening up a hidden passageway.

There's a monster in the shot, honest.

Ever the responsible adult, Ian lets Vicki go in first, and they almost immediately run into a big ugly monster. I give it five minutes before Vicki gives it a name and tries to adopt it as a pet.

Meanwhile, the Doctor and Barbara struggle through a sandstorm in a fruitless attempt to find the two, and once the storm has cleared, they realise to their horror that the landscape has changed entirely, and they can no longer find their way back to the TARDIS.

Worse, however, is the familiar shape rising from the sand…

Eh. It was a lot cooler when they had Daleks coming out of the Thames. So yes, that was a sequence of events. Calling it the beginning of a story feels a bit too generous. I call it a big load of nothing.

Let’s see where The Chase goes from here.

THE DEATH OF TIME

The music accompanying the episode titles in this serial is so ill-fitting it makes me cross. It’s just this weird jazzy sounding thing. I have no idea what tone it’s trying to set, but whatever it is it’s failing abysmally.

Spotting additional Daleks approaching over the dunes, the Doctor and Barbara flee, only to run into a bunch of humanoid fish people, because who else would you be expecting to find in a desert?

Ian and Vicki run away from the monster in the tunnels. I’m not sure it was really making much of an effort to get them.

The Daleks start murdering any local unfortunate enough to wander within shooting range, and identify the planet as Aridia (because it’s arid, get it?).

The Aridians, or fish people as I called them, seem to be a friendly sort (or at the very least not actively hostile), and they give the Doctor and Barbara the standard speech they get from just about every alien culture they come across. Or at least, that’s how it feels. You know the one, it’s about the world once being all lovely then something bad happened and now it’s rubbish so gee, it sure would be nice if someone were to drop in and help us right about now.

Also, they can’t act for toffee. You can’t argue that it’s some sort of artistic choice, like you could with the bee people who communicated through a mixture of weird sing-song voices and interpretive dance.

The Aridians are not like that. They are just plain bad. I’m talking drama-club-at-the-village-hall bad.

Through this haze of weird line delivery and overwrought emoting, the Aridians explain that this was once a watery world where they lived in cities beneath the sea, but the suns moved closer (oh, there are two suns) and the seas dried up, killing everything except the Aridians and the dreaded Mire Beasts.

The Aridians realise that Ian and Vicki must have found their way into one of the old airlocks leading to the city, which is very bad news as they’re about to blow up the tunnels to trap the Mire Beasts.

The group rushes to try to find them, but they’re too late. As a Mire Beast attacks Vicki, the charges go off, sending rubble crashing onto the Mire Beast, killing it stone dead, and knocking Ian unconscious. Vicki runs to look for help, as meanwhile the others arrive to the gates of the city. Though the Doctor is hesitant to involve the Aridians in his troubles with the Daleks, the friendly fish people assure him that they just want to help.

Daleks are keen detectorists.

Elsewhere, the Daleks find where the TARDIS is buried and continue to narrate their own actions. With this much padding, I have to ask if Nation originally wrote a three-or-four-episode serial and was asked by the BBC to stretch it out to six. It’s completely sucking all the tension out of the story.

In the city of the Aridians, the Doctor and Barbara get their first hot meal in a while, though Barbara is too anxious about the others to eat, and the Doctor notes that the food has an odd taste. Now, ordinarily I would take this as a hint that they’ve been given something horrific to eat and that the Aridians have some dark secret behind the friendly facade, but it appears to be a red herring, as nothing comes of it.

Still, I have to wonder what exactly the Aridians are eating if there’s no land suitable for farming and all the animals have died, and they said themselves that they can’t kill the Mire-Beasts, so they can’t be hunting them. So that just leaves…. Well, I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions.

However, the Daleks learn that the Aridians are sheltering the Doctor, and issue an ultimatum: either they hand over the Doctor, or the Daleks will destroy the city. The Aridians have no choice but to hold the Doctor and Barbara as prisoners while they decide what to do.

Vicki manages to find her way back to the TARDIS, discovering that the Daleks have dug it out of the sand with the unwilling help of some Aridians, who they promptly murder once the work is finished. I’ve heard of bad bosses, but that takes the cake.

The Daleks start bombarding the TARDIS, but to their frustration the little wooden box is impervious to their weapons. Appearances, after all, can be deceiving.

The Aridians come to the decision that they have to hand the Doctor and Barbara over, even though I wouldn’t trust a Dalek as far as I could throw one.

Ian wakes up from his little nap (being unconscious for that long, that man needs his head checking out) and gets up to search for Vicki, who has just been snatched in the tunnels by an Aridian.

In the city, Barbara notices dust coming from a bricked-up doorway. It’s apparently blocking off a section of the city that was lost to the Mire Beasts. It’s rather shoddy work considering it’s meant to keep literal monsters at bay. The Aridians drag Vicki in, and she tells them what she saw. However, before they can discuss plans of escape any further, the Aridians come to collect them for the handover to the Daleks.

It’s at this point the Aridians’ shoddy brickwork comes back to bite them. A tentacle bursts through the wall, ensnaring Barbara. In the ensuing struggle, she manages to break free. The companions flee the scene, leaving the Aridians to their fate at the tentacles of the Mire Beast. See, this is why you check reviews before hiring your builder.

Hm, maybe it should have stayed in the shadows.

The Daleks issue the Aridians a further ultimatum upon learning of the companions’ escape. They have one hour to recapture them, or the Daleks will destroy the city. For a Dalek, that’s a surprising display of patience.

The Doctor, Barbara and Vicki run into Ian in the tunnels. Ian comes up with a plan to evade the Daleks and get back into the TARDIS. He asks for Barbara’s cardigan (nicely, this time) and the Doctor’s coat, and uses them to construct a simple pitfall trap.

While the women wait for their chance to make a break for it, the Doctor and Ian catch the attention of the Dalek on guard. The stupid thing blunders into the trap, and the companions make a break for it, their ship dematerialising as the Daleks open fire.

This is actually a decent and fun scene. I have to call attention to it, because those are so very rare in this serial.

Other than that, all I can really say about this episode is…nothing, really. Not particularly bad, not particularly good, mostly dull with a good bit or two. It garners a shrug and a ‘eh’. It exists.

FLIGHT THROUGH ETERNITY

The TARDIS flees through time and space, while the Daleks waste a lot of time talking about their plans to follow them at once rather than just doing it. It’s an absolute tension killer.

Inside the TARDIS, the companions’ celebration of their escape gets cut short when the Space Telly detects another time machine pursuing them again.

Also, there’s a really obvious cardboard cutout on the Dalek ship. Look, I don’t mind being creative to stay in budget, but if you’re going to use a cardboard cutout, stick it in the background of a shot.

The TARDIS needs to land for…some reason, and the Doctor plonks it in the land of stock footage. Gee, I wonder which city this is?

Oh, of course, it’s New Amsterdam.

Silly me.

To the people of the United States of America: I apologise for the travesty that is to follow. I’m talking about the accents. Oh, boy. The accents. They are absolutely atrocious.

Well, at least we’re now even for Mary Poppins.

There’s yet! More! Padding! As a tour guide shows a bunch of tourists the famous New York landmarks from the top of the Empire State Building, which is where the TARDIS has just materialised.

'Maybe if we ignore him long enough, he'll go away.'

Upon emerging from their ship, they meet a man from Alabama who embodies just about every stereotype about American southerners you can imagine. It’s honestly embarrassing. He’s a friendly enough chap though, telling Barbara that the current year is 1966. He's very curious about how they appeared seemingly from nowhere. The companions manage to brush him off and depart, but the Daleks arrive moments later, demanding to know where they went.

In the greatest display of patience I have ever seen, the Daleks don’t just shoot him for being annoying. He thinks this is all some Hollywood lark.

That's not a microphone, buddy.

Back in the TARDIS, the companions learn the Daleks are still hot on their heels. They need to find a way to fight back.

The next landing spot is a nineteenth-century sailing ship somewhere off the Azores, in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Barbara can’t resist having a look around, leading her into trouble when an officer accosts her. Luckily for Barbara, Vicki soon comes to give the officer a good whack on the head. Hearing someone else coming, Barbara tells Vicki to hide. Vicki gives the newcomer a good whack, before realising it was just Ian. Poor Ian. It’s a wonder he has any functioning brain cells left.

The women manhandle a dazed Ian back onto the TARDIS, which vanishes as the officer wakes up. He informs the captain of what he found, and the captain rallies the crew to search the ship. However, it’s not long before the Daleks show up, terrifying the sailors so much that they leap overboard, which strikes me as a bit of a silly thing to do.

The Daleks search the now-abandoned ship, finding no sign of the TARDIS, and continue the chase. We then have a long, long series of shots of the abandoned ship. It's the Mary Celeste.

The TARDIS whizzes off into time and space, but they’re losing their lead on the Daleks. They’d better hope that the Doctor manages to finish his secret weapon before the Daleks catch up.

Final Thoughts

Here we are. That was the first half of The Chase. Suffice to say, I am underwhelmed. There’s no interesting philosophical or social angle. It’s not even an exciting prolonged chase sequence. There are far too many lulls in the action and too much obvious padding.

The Daleks feel completely ineffective. They spend too much time dithering to seem like an unstoppable force of death.

The Aridians were just rubbish. Although we haven’t seen any real conclusion of what happens to them, frankly I just don’t care.

Even as an adventure, a romp, this serial doesn’t work. Let’s compare it to The Keys Of Marinus, for example. Both serials involve the companions travelling in rapid succession from one place to another. However, The Chase is more of a whistle-stop tour than a real adventure. In The Keys Of Marinus, the companions had some sort of obstacle to overcome at each destination. After Aridia, they bounced from one location to the next. There’s no real reason for them to have got out of the TARDIS at all in New York or on the ship, other than to trot out a few new sets and some dodgy accents. Then they just get back in again and leave. That’s not an adventure, that’s tourism.

I do hope that the serial improves from here. However, past experience would indicate that a serial which starts poorly ends poorly. I wouldn’t hold my breath.

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Science Fiction/Fantasy, TV

[May 16, 1965] Gathering Dust (Doctor Who: The Space Museum)

May 16, 2020 Jessica Holmes 3 Comments

By Jessica Holmes

Thank you for joining me today, everybody. I hope we’ve all got our visitor’s passes and will be keeping our hands to ourselves, because today we’re going to be taking a tour of The Space Museum, and the main exhibit? The Doctor and his companions! Today’s serial was written by Glyn Jones.

THE SPACE MUSEUM

If I may direct your attention to the opening of the episode, we can see that it picks up where it left off, with the TARDIS going dark. We then cut to a barren landscape dotted by rockets, among which the TARDIS materialises.

The crew seems dazed upon landing, and once the Doctor gets the lights back on, Ian and Barbara realise that somehow, they’ve changed their whole outfits.

I used to wear socks like that for primary school…

We have a scene of Vicki getting water for the Doctor, only to drop the glass, spilling the water, which then un-spills and comes back to her hand. It’s a simple enough effect, but rather nifty, and it seems things might be a whole lot weirder than a change of wardrobe.

Upon viewing the spaceships outside, the Doctor comes to suspect, as they’re all from different time periods, that they’ve landed in some sort of museum. I wonder if they have a little shop? I like a little shop.

The group search for signs of life, leaving no footprints behind them as they walk. The gang soon find a building and some more people. They rush to hide, but when Vicki sneezes, it’s as if they didn’t hear her at all.

Perhaps unwisely, the group enters the building to look around without even buying a ticket.

The gang get a nasty shock upon discovering the first item of interest. It’s a Dalek. A dead Dalek. Vicki, never having met the fiends, thinks it looks quite friendly. I really do love Vicki’s soft spot for creatures others might deem monstrous. Well, they’d be absolutely right in the case of the Dalek, but still. It’s sweet.

They have another run-in with some men, whose lips move but make no sound. That almost sounds like the opening to a riddle.

Think things can’t get any stranger? Think again! Caving to the urge to touch the shiny space exhibits, Vicki tries poking at an item only to find that her arm goes straight through. None of the others can touch it either, and a third group of men come by, looking right through them without seeing them.

Sorry, guys, but there’s only one conclusion: the TARDIS blew up and you’re all ghosts. I can think of worse places to haunt than a museum, so it’s not all bad.

My gut instinct says Pepper's Ghost so just take my word for it, okay?

Onwards, they find something quite unexpected: the TARDIS, but not where they originally left it. Still, one shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth so they decide they might as well get in and go home for a nice cup of tea and some custard creams. Of course, it’s not that easy. The TARDIS isn’t really there. Or is it? Perhaps they’re the ones who aren’t really there.

Out of curiosity, I did a bit of research to find out how they achieved this visual effect. In conclusion: I’m not sure, and that irks me. My guess is either a double exposure or Pepper’s Ghost.

Or magic.

Something wicked this way comes, for in the room holding the TARDIS, the crew find themselves. Literally.

It seems the gang’s exploits have earned them a spot in the museum. These aren’t dummies though, oh no. These are the real people, preserved and shoved into a glass cabinet to gather dust for eternity.

The gang arrive at the conclusion that what they’re seeing is their future, or at least a possible version of it. There’s a bit of technobabble about dimensions in time and jumping time tracks that I can’t quite wrap my head around, but the bottom line is that the reason they can’t interact with anything in the museum is that they haven’t actually arrived yet, but are in another time dimension seeing the museum as it will be after they’ve arrived and done…something or other.

Don’t worry, it gives me a bit of a headache too.

It's hard to get an interesting image of people waiting for something interesting to happen.

The Doctor decides that they should wait around for themselves to actually arrive, at which point time should sort itself out and things will progress as normal.

But…but wouldn’t they still be moving forwards in time so that their true-present selves would never actually catch up with their slightly-out-of-sync-with-the-rest-of-spacetime selves?

Let’s upgrade that headache to a migraine, shall we?

It doesn’t take long before there’s some sort of reversal of time. Two men discover the TARDIS, and the glass cases disappear, and the footprints in the sand turn up.

I might need a diagram to get this straight.

So, the serial opens with an interesting and often creepy episode. The sterile atmosphere of the museum and the deep quiet of the space creates an uncanny feeling, and appropriately enough a sense that there is no time in this place at all. We’ve got some interesting visual effects on display too, and although I do find the explanation of the time-bending shenanigans to be quite confusing, I do find it an interesting idea. Can the companions discover what led them to be museum pieces in time to avert their fate, or are they going to have to find out the hard way?

Nice hairdo.

THE DIMENSIONS OF TIME

I think it’s about time some other characters were introduced, don’t you? Say hello to the curators of this museum, the Moroks. They’re not doing anything very interesting right now apart from talking about some rebellion and finding the TARDIS.

Speaking of rebellion, say hello to the Xerons and their fascinating eyebrows. They’ve also learned of the arrival of a new ship, and hope to attain the assistance of the new arrivals.

Said arrivals are currently flouting the ‘do not touch’ rule and nicking one of the guns on display. Ian, grown man that he is, even makes the appropriate noises as he waves it around. Don’t worry Ian, I’m not judging you… much.

The Doctor decides that to avoid the future they’ve seen, they should try and find the TARDIS as soon as possible. However, that’s easier said than done, because this museum doesn’t have any signposts. Not even one of those handy wall maps with a big red dot saying ‘you are here’.

As the group travel, the Xerons nab the Doctor in a moment of distraction, and the Doctor bravely drops down and pretends to be dead. It doesn’t take long for Ian and Barbara to realise the Doctor’s gone missing, and start bickering like a pair of stressed parents wondering the whereabouts of an errant child, and if that doesn’t sum up their entire dynamic I don’t know what does.

Two of the Xerons make the mistake of leaving one of their number alone with the Doctor for more than five minutes, returning to find their comrade bound and gagged on the floor, and the Doctor nowhere to be seen.

This precedes the single best scene in all of Doctor Who. I’m not exaggerating. I cannot do justice to the sheer joy this scene brought me.

We slowly pan across to see the Dalek on display come to life, and from within comes a familiar voice.

The Doctor does a delightful Dalek impression as he congratulates himself on his cleverness, even waving the weapons around for good measure, and popping out of the hatch with an expression of pure glee.

He’s a little too pleased with himself, however, as it takes him all of about ten seconds to run right into some Moroks on patrol and get himself captured.

The others, meanwhile, are still lost. While wondering what to do Ian has a bright idea and starts taking Barbara’s clothes off. As you do.

Don’t worry, the programme is still perfectly suitable for a family audience. Ian’s had the idea to use the wool in her cardigan to leave a trail behind them, like Theseus and the Minotaur, so that they don’t end up going round and round in circles. It’s not long before the Xerons start to follow the thread too, and the companions discover that the TARDIS has fallen into the hands of the Moroks.

Ian demonstrating how NOT to unpick a piece of knitwear.

The Doctor finds himself in the company of the governor of the Moroks, who explains to him this is a museum dedicated to the military conquests of the Morok Empire, though interest has waned of late. It seems the people of the homeworld are more interested in enjoying life than ending it in insatiable imperial expansion. The Doctor suggests that they try reducing the price of admission.

The Morok asks where the Doctor’s companions are, getting naught but a giggle from him. However, he then shows the Doctor an image of the companions elsewhere in the museum. How did he get it? From the Doctor’s mind.

The interrogation isn’t as easy as all that however, as it seems the Doctor has excellent control over his mind, and when asked how he arrived, thinks of a penny farthing, and when asked where he’s from, imagines a colony of walruses, followed by a picture of himself in an old-fashioned bathing suit. It’s quite funny.

The fun and games can’t last, however, as the governor becomes angry when his men can’t find the companions, and orders that the Doctor be taken to the preparation room. He’s to become an exhibit.

THE SEARCH

The Moroks can’t get into the TARDIS, much to the lamentation of the leader of this little band.

Here’s one of the issues of the serial. The conflict within the Moroks themselves is… boring. It’s just dull as ditchwater, and the performances are not strong enough to carry it on entertainment value or get me invested in any of the characters. What are their names? I don’t know and I don’t care.

Do you think they realise how ridiculous they look?

Even the wider conflict between the Moroks and the Xerons is not interesting to me. We’ve seen it plenty of times before in Doctor Who, and done better. I think what the writer’s trying to do is ambitious, but it feels very flat to me. Unfortunately, it gets more attention than the strange time travel shenanigans, so it’s really dragging down the serial, and it’s only going to get worse.

Watching this bickering going on, the companions let down their guard long enough for one of the Moroks to find them, and Ian confronts the armed guard with impressive courage and questionable judgement. He figures that the guard can’t shoot him, as he knows he ends up in a glass box. Even if he does, well hurrah for averting the future. Well, I suppose either outcome is a success of sorts.

Ian faces the guard, while behind him, Barbara prepares to use Vicki as a human shield.

Ian tackles the guard, giving the others a chance to make a run for it, and there’s rather a good and well-choreographed fight scene following his ensuing capture. Often fight scenes in Doctor Who are shot quite close up and are hard to make much out of, and those that are shot more clearly often look absurd, but this one is both clear and believable. At the end of it, he’s left two Moroks out cold, as the others left in pursuit of the women.

The women are separated in the chase, with Barbara ending up trapped in a storage room, and Vicki running into the rebel Xerons. Thankfully, the Xerons are friendly, and one of them goes to look for Barbara while the others lead Vicki to their hideout.

So, how did Ian escape the Moroks after his victory in the tussle? Well, apparently by virtue of the Moroks being utter clattering buffoons, that’s how. You want to know where he went? His brilliant hiding spot? Behind the flipping TARDIS. Just behind it. And somehow, the guard stationed outside the ship fails to notice him.

Ian surprises the guard and takes him hostage, holding him at gunpoint as he demands information and guidance. This is another thing that bothers me.

Yes, we know Ian is the action hero of the group. Yes, Ian’s absolutely killed people. However, all his kills have been in the heat of the moment, when his own life was in danger, and it’s quite disturbing to see him carry on for the rest of the episode threatening to shoot this guard in cold blood. Wouldn’t Ian instead try to bring the guard around to his side before resorting to threats of violence? This is a cold, angry Ian and it doesn’t seem like him to be this way. Besides all that, it doesn’t seem a good message to be sending to the younger viewers. ‘Why try talking to people when threats of violence will work just fine?’

The governor of the Moroks receives word from his home planet that they’re displeased the youth rebellion hasn’t been crushed yet, and gives the order to flood the museum with a poisonous gas that will paralyse everyone inside, to flush out the intruders.

Putting it that way, it seems a little flawed.

One of the Xerons manages to find Barbara, but before they can find the others the gas cloud envelops them and they have to flee.

Meanwhile, the others are explaining to Vicki that this is their world, that the Moroks committed genocide on the native population, wiping out the adults and enslaving the children. Is that meant to get me invested, three quarters of the way into the serial? No need to actually show us the oppression the Xerons face, or give us much in the way of emotional stakes, just throw in a line about mass murder and voila, you have an invested audience, right? Wrong.

To get invested in a conflict, I need to be shown a reason to care about it early on, rather than have a lump of exposition spat at me most of the way through. Beyond that, this narrative of ‘rebellion against the conquerors’ feels like a retreading of the conflict in The Web Planet, but it’s much less interesting.

So, how’s the dullest rebellion in the galaxy going to overthrow their oppressors? Well, they haven’t actually worked that out. The youth have been making all sorts of grand plans, but the fact is they don’t have any weapons and no plan to get some. What they do have is knowledge of where to find the armoury, and a smart ally by the name of Vicki.

Vicki examines the security equipment guarding the armoury. It’s a machine that asks questions, and can tell if the subject is lying. Of course, just telling the truth isn’t enough to get in, you have to be telling the truth about your credentials, permits, valid reason for accessing the armoury, and on and on the questions go. Understanding how the machine works, Vicki cracks it open to take a look inside, and tampers with the equipment, making it so that all that’s needed is the truth, not the credentials.

Well, that’s a bit of a rubbish security system if it can be tampered with that easily. Had none of the Xerons ever thought to try it?

However, with one small victory, elsewhere things go awry, as the gas overcomes Barbara and the other Xeron.

Ian manages to make his way to the governor’s office, and orders him to take him to the Doctor… but he doesn’t like what he finds.

THE FINAL PHASE

To his dismay, Ian finds the Doctor unconscious in the preparation room. The Moroks have put him into a deep freeze, and according to the governor he’s as good as dead. Ian demands that they reverse the procedure, or else.

Having successfully broken into the armoury, the rebels arm themselves, while Vicki goes back to the museum to rescue the others, taking one of the young men with her.

Inside the museum, Barbara and her companion start to recover from the gas. Well, that was a bit pointless, wasn’t it? Surely it’d be better if the effects took a long time to wear off, so the guards could remove the gas then search the museum without their targets being able to move around.

The Doctor’s temperature returns to normal, and he wonders if this has been enough to change the future. However, the Moroks, having noticed that the guard outside the TARDIS has disappeared, swoop in on them, knocking Ian out and taking the pair captive once more. Well, that was a bit of a narrative cul-de-sac.

Barbara and her companion continue making their way out of the museum, but a guard hears them coming, and lies in wait to capture them.

The Moroks regroup, and it seems that their victory is close at hand. However, when they try to get a message through to their barracks, they don’t get a reply.

Barbara and her companion emerge from the museum, only to run into the waiting guard. But before their escape can be foiled, Vicki and her friend show up and shoot the guard down. The victory doesn’t last long, as more Moroks arrive and shoot the youth rebels, taking the women captive. Again.

Well, with all the gang captured, at least everybody’s together now. It seems there is nothing they can do to avoid becoming exhibits, but maybe they managed to change more than they thought. The youth storm the museum, having managed to overrun the barracks which happened off-screen probably so that people like me won’t ask questions about how a bunch of teenage boys who have never held a gun managed to overrun a barracks of well-equipped soldiers of an interplanetary empire.

The Moroks are about to cut their losses and make a run for it, but the rebels arrive before the Moroks can dispatch the companions. They wipe them out, and with that, the revolution is won. That is about as interesting as I can make it sound without just making things up.

The gang avoid becoming museum pieces, and the future has been averted. The Doctor at last reveals why the weird time shenanigans were going on. Prepare to sigh deeply with me.

It’s a faulty TARDIS component.

Seriously? Nothing to do with the actual plot? That is boring and just plain lazy. With it being so disconnected, the time travel is little more than a gimmick thrown in to make a below-average rebellion story feel more impressive and complex than it actually is. I strongly feel that the element of time travel could have been integrated into the story far better than it actually was, rather than being dropped after the first episode. I could think of a few ways I myself would go about doing it, but perhaps I would be asking for a different story than the one the writer set out to tell.

The Xerons dismantle the museum, but not before the Doctor liberates a souvenir, in the form of a time and space visualiser. I suppose it’s like a television you can watch next week’s Coronation Street on.

Everyone says their farewells and the TARDIS leaves for parts unknown. However, somewhere else in space, a familiar foe glides into view…

Final Thoughts

This is unusual for me, as a person incapable of shutting up, but I can’t think of anything else to say about this serial. There’s not really anything much to dig into. Sure, the serial poses the question of whether destiny can be altered, but then answers it with a resounding ‘yes’, so there’s nothing I can add to that. It was all right, I suppose. I'll probably have forgotten about it by this time next week.

I really am wracking my brains trying to think of something interesting to say, but there’s nothing to elaborate on that I didn’t discuss above. So, I suppose that’s my takeaway: so adequate-but-no-better that even I can’t wring a good long ramble out if it.

Well, let’s hope there’s a bit more to get our teeth into next time, okay?

Please exit through the gift shop.

3 out of 5 stars

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Science Fiction/Fantasy, TV

[April 18, 1965] The Doctor, the King and the Sultan (Doctor Who: The Crusade)

April 18, 2020 Jessica Holmes 2 Comments

By Jessica Holmes

Welcome to another serial of Doctor Who. This month, we’ll be taking a trip through history, to the height of the Third Crusade, when Richard I ‘the Lionheart’ of England marched on Jerusalem, bringing him toe-to-toe with An-Nasir Salah ad-Din Yusuf ibn Ayyub (better known as simply ‘Saladin’). It’s the height of the Middle Ages, where the knights are holy, the princesses are beautiful, and the kings are noble and just. But are they really? Come along with me as I trail after the Doctor and his companions, and we’ll sort the fact from the fiction, and perhaps squeeze an adventure in along the way.

THE LION

The TARDIS arrives in the forest, a peaceful place one might think. However, some knights come walking by, and they’re being watched by a pair of fellows who would appear to be Saracens.

Well, they would if they weren’t being portrayed by White actors in makeup. Not even thirty seconds into the serial, and I have to put the brakes on to call attention to a serious issue. I have touched upon this issue before, when covering Marco Polo with its extensive use of yellowface makeup. It would seem that Doctor Who has not learned from its past error. I am disappointed, but I am not surprised. After all, it’s not as if the BBC is stranger to deeply racially insensitive programming. Just look at The Black And White Minstrel Show. Or, better yet, don’t.

How am I to have any faith that the story will do justice to this complex and layered period of history, and the people involved, if it is not built on an authentic foundation?

With a sour taste in my mouth, I’ll press on.

The knights are in the party of King Richard I (played by Julian Glover), who is encamped in the forests outside the city of Jaffa, much to the consternation of his men. After all, it’s the perfect spot for an ambush.

Enter the Doctor and crew, who barely take two steps outside the TARDIS before getting into a fight with a Saracen. Working together, the Doctor and Ian manage to subdue their attacker, but realise too late that Barbara has been abducted.

Things are even worse for Richard and his knights. This is indeed the perfect spot for an ambush. As the Crusaders drop like flies, King Richard takes a wound, and one of his knights bravely steps up and declares himself to be the king, allowing himself to be captured in Richard’s stead.

Having survived the battle, the companions gather together, and piece together approximately when and where they are. Upon realising King Richard is close by, the Doctor is eager to get into his favour. Fortunately, one of his knights survived the battle, albeit wounded. Surely Richard will be pleased to see him.

Barbara arrives at the Saracen camp in Ramla, where she meets the knight we saw pretend to be the King, name of Sir William des Preaux, who confides in her the ruse he’s pulling on the Saracens, and they decide to pass her off as his sister, Joanna.

The man who captured her, the scarred El-Akir (portrayed by Walter Randall, who you may recognise as Tonila in The Aztecs) comes and asks if they’re satisfied with their treatment, as Saladin has ordered that captives be treated well. That’s nice of him. It’s also true, as he was known for his mercy to enemy soldiers and civilians.

However, William attempts to tell El-Akir that Babara has not been treated well enough, but El-Akir cruelly rebuts him, reminding the pair that Barbara has no rights but those which Saladin grants. Well, why did you bother asking if you’re going to reject anything other than a glowing review?

I can’t help but notice that all the speaking Saracen roles so far are filled by White actors in makeup, but the background extras are not.

There’s a subplot about the Doctor doing a bit of shoplifting to get clothes so they can blend in, but it’s not essential to the story, so I will leave it at this: he shoplifts, later gets caught out, and manages to talk his way out of the consequences because the goods were stolen anyway.

El-Akir tells Saladin (portrayed by Bernard Kay, who also played Tyler in The Dalek Invasion Of Earth) that he’s successfully captured King Richard himself, along with his beautiful sister. However, Saladin's brother, Saphadin, instantly spots the deceit, realising that Barbara, lovely as she is, is not the Lionheart’s sister.

As things begin to kick off, Saladin pipes up that Sir William isn’t King Richard, either. I suppose Sir William didn’t consider that perhaps a clever man like Saladin might take the time to find out what his enemy looks like.

He orders that Sir William still be treated well, and the others leave, leaving Barbara alone with Saladin and his brother while they decide what to do with her. He asks how she came to be here, and Barbara explains as best as she can, being remarkably frank about her travels through time and space.

Saladin assumes that she means she’s with a group of players, entertainers– in other words, not useful. However, he’s not one to casually kill someone if there’s a chance he could make use of them. He invites her to dinner, where she’ll step into the shoes of Scheherazade. If she can entertain him, she gets to live.

Back in Jaffa, the rest of the gang bring the wounded knight to King Richard and report their doings.

Richard isn’t having a good time of it. Half his men are dead, and the other half are filling the streets of Jaffa with their vices. Oh, and to cap it all off, his brother back home, Prince John, has developed a taste for power. It’s all very dramatic and Shakespearean, and as adept at monologuing as Richard is, Ian doesn’t have the patience for it, and keeps asking him for help recovering Barbara.

However, stung from the loss of his men, Richard refuses to try trading with Saladin. Can the companions convince the King to see reason, or will Barbara and Sir William be left to the mercy of the Sultan?

Well, aside from the issues I brought up, this is a good start to the serial. We’ve got some excitement, some intrigue, and questionable casting choices aside, Saladin does seem so far to be given his due as a merciful opponent with a strategic mind. I also love Ian standing up to the King and breaking through his little tantrum. On we go!

THE KNIGHT OF JAFFA

My television reception was a bit spotty whilst watching this, so I apologise if I've missed anything significant.

The knight the gang rescued intercedes on their behalf, pointing that they have a great opportunity to make Saladin look foolish, thus boosting morale.

King Richard agrees, as the real Joanna arrives. Here commences a subplot which doesn’t really go anywhere, in which the Doctor passes Vicki off as his young male ward, Victor.

Richard laments that he misses England, which is funny considering that he spent the majority of his adult life everywhere but England, and quite likely didn’t speak English. To be fair to him, the weather is terrible.

Elsewhere, El-Akir attempts to coerce a woman to give him information on Barbara. When he fails, he enlists a Genoese merchant, Luigi, to aid him in abducting her.

Barbara talks to her maid, Sheyrah, as she prepares to perform for Saladin. Sheyrah is the woman El-Akir was threatening before, and she warns Barbara of the danger he poses.

As Barbara thinks about what stories she can tell to entertain Saladin, the merchant arrives, offering her an escape. She takes the bait and leaves with him, but in their haste Luigi accidentally leaves his glove behind for Sheyrah to find.

Elsewhere, Richard’s changed his mind about dealing with Saladin. In fact, he goes as far in the opposite direction as he can, offering up Joanna as a bride to Saphadin in exchange for peace.

It's a dramatic change of heart, to say the least.

Richard charges Ian to be his delivery boy, but because he can't just send some no-name peasant to deliver a royal message, he bids Ian kneel and dubs him the Knight of Jaffa on the spot.

I hope he doesn't start putting on airs and graces.

Luigi gets a meeting with Saladin, having done El-Akir’s bidding. However, the meeting doesn't last long, as Saladin has learned that his Scheherezade has vanished into the ether, and calls Sir William and Sheyrah in to find out what happened to her.

The gig's up for Luigi when Sheyrah shows Saladin the glove she found, and he recognises the matching glove hanging from Luigi's belt. Under duress, Luigi admits that he delivered Barbara to El-Akir.

In Jaffa, Ian makes his departure, and far away in the town of Lydda, Barbara arrives at El-Akir's palace. Before she can be ushered into the lion's den, she makes a break for it, leaving the guards in the dust.

Ian arrives at Ramla to learn the bad news from Sir William. Luigi has spun a tale of Barbara having eloped with El-Akir, which the Sultan and his brother accepted, although Sir William can see straight through it.

Ian decides he must go into his territory and rescue Barbara, despite El-Akir's wicked reputation.

Barbara flees through the streets of Lydda. It's a nice little set, with plenty of detail, evoking the atmosphere of a narrow street in the Middle East, quiet for now, but surely bustling and full of life in the daylight hours.

However, she can't avoid the guards forever.

Before they can grab her, however, a hand emerges from the dark and grabs Barbara's mouth, dragging her into the darkness. Is she saved, or is she doomed?

THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE

The stranger beckons Barbara to come with him, and hides her, before subduing the guards. He introduces himself as Haroun, and they have a common enemy in El-Akir, for the Emir stole one of Haroun’s daughters for his harem, and put Haroun’s wife and son to the sword.

Back at Jaffa, Joanna learns of the Vicki/Victor ruse, and puts an end to it, taking the young woman under her wing. In return, she ropes the Doctor into finding out what plans the king has for her.

However, Vicki isn’t too happy about having to go off with this stranger. The Doctor reassures her that it’s only for her safety, to keep her out of the way of any court intrigue. It’s a sweet moment, but I do wonder how old Vicki is supposed to be. Even if she’s meant to be around Susan’s age, the dynamic is still a bit weird, as the Doctor seems to treat her as if she’s a little girl. Is he overcompensating?

Haroun takes Barbara to his home, where she meets his remaining daughter, Safiya. He goes back out to scout around, giving Barbara a knife as he departs. It’s not for self-defence; if the soldiers come to capture them, she’s to kill Safiya and then herself. Better that than end up at the mercy of El-Akir.

Goodness.

Well, that turned rather dark, didn’t it?

Back with Richard, he’s holding a meeting, and tells everyone (well, the important men anyway) of his intentions to marry Joanna off to Saphadin and end the war. The Doctor asks if he’s run this by Joanna, but silly Doctor, women don’t get to decide who they marry! Besides, she’ll be saving thousands of men’s lives with her sacrifice, so who cares if she likes the bloke or not?

The lord of Leicester isn’t too happy with the plan either, though the non-consensual marriage part doesn’t bother him. No, the problem with the plan is that it’s just not violent enough. He insists that they must take Jerusalem by the sword.

Leicester says it’s all well and good for the Doctor with all his clever words, but when all the eloquent men have gone to bed it’s up to the soldiers to actually put their money where their mouths are. And he has a point there, I’d say, but the Doctor calls him a fool, prompting Leicester to draw steel, though Richard intervenes before things can get out of hand.

Saladin receives the offer, seeming faintly amused by it. Saphadin is quite enthusiastic about the whole idea. A beautiful princess and an alliance giving him power over the kingdom of the Franks? Ring the wedding bells! And with him being staunchly loyal to his brother’s interests, any influence he gained would be Saladin’s, also.

Saladin agrees to let it go ahead, but he’s suspicious of the offer, knowing it’s a last appeal from a weary man. Seeing how delicate the situation has become, he decides to both agree to the match and prepare his armies, should the worst come to pass.

In Haroun’s house, Barbara and Safiya hear the soldiers coming, and hide themselves away. When the soldiers decide to raze the house and smoke them out, Barbara’s faced with the choice: does she use the knife? Well, this is a family show, so Barbara gives the knife to Safiya and attempts to sneak out of the house alone. The soldiers catch her, but at least Safiya is safe.

Outside the city, Ian runs into some bandits, who knock him out cold.

In Jaffa, the Doctor finds himself in the middle of some court intrigue. He can’t risk angering Richard by breaching his confidence, but he also can’t make an enemy of the princess by keeping secrets from her. However, Joanna knows he’s keeping something from her, and after prying the truth from Leicester, she furiously confronts her brother.

Turns out women don’t much appreciate it when men try to marry them off against their will. It’s even worse seeing as Saphadin is, from her perspective, an infidel, and the religious animosity at the heart of this war burns strongly in Joanna. If her brother won’t accept her refusal, she’ll be more than happy to drag the Pope into the matter, and he surely won’t allow it.

In Lydda, El-Akir has Barbara dragged before him, and he has a dire threat for her. The only pleasure left for her is death, and that, he assures her, is very far away.

THE WARLORDS

My television set started misbehaving again, so I’m going to blame any oversights in the review on that.

Barbara remains in the Emir’s clutches for all of about ten seconds before escaping him through the ingenious means of knocking some coins out of his hands and then running out the door.

He really should fire his soldiers.

The men race after her and into the harem, where they’re told in no uncertain terms to get lost, as men (apart from the Emir) are forbidden to enter. El-Akir promises a ruby ring for anyone who sees Barbara and reports it to him.

Once he leaves, the women beckon Barbara to come out of her hiding place. Got to love a bit of female solidarity.

Out in the desert, Ian’s made the acquaintance of a nice chap called Ibrahim, by which I mean Ibrahim has him tied to the ground and dripping with honey. No, you didn’t read that last bit wrong. Ibrahim wants to know where Ian is hiding his money, so has smeared his wrists and chest with honey, and made a trail to the nearby ant nest. Once they get a taste of that honey, they just won’t stop. Well, it’s creative, I’ll give him that. It’s essentially scaphism, an ancient punishment which is very interesting but best not read about before lunch.

Back in Jaffa, Richard comes to terms with the fact that he will have to fight. For the Doctor’s part, he’s made an enemy of Leicester, and had better take his leave.

Before going, the Doctor asks if Richard thinks he really could hold Jerusalem if he managed to capture it. Richard’s not sure of it himself, but would be content to just see it. Of course, we know that Richard doesn’t win.

In the harem, Barbara meets Safiya’s sister, Maimuna, who is overjoyed to learn that her father and Safiya are alive.

In the desert, with the ants encroaching on him, Ian tells Ibrahim to look for the gold in his boot. Ibrahim, apparently not a smart man, unties Ian’s foot to get to the boot. Finding it empty, he unties the other. Guess what happens next.

This time, Ian succeeds in overpowering Ibrahim and has the bandit take him to Lydda.

In the harem, Barbara discusses a possible route of escape with Maimuna. However, once they leave, one of the other women, Fatima, slips out and goes straight to El-Akir.

Outside the palace, Haroun has recovered his faculties and lurks knife at the ready.

Ian and Ibrahim arrive in Lydda, and Ian steals some clothes from a dead guard. He was already dead when Ian found him, so that’s okay.

He’s found an unlikely ally in Ibrahim, who has as much reason as anyone else to hate El-Akir. The Emir’s a bad man, even by the bandit's standards, and worse still, he’s made everyone poor, so there’s nobody left for him to rob. Ian puts him to good use ‘acquiring’ some horses.

In the harem, the women realise Fatima has betrayed them as El-Akir bursts in, ready to slay Maimuna and Barbara where they stand. Then thwack! A knife hits him in the back, and he drops. Over his body steps Haroun, here to save his daughter.

Fatima arrives late to the party, horrified to find El-Akir dead. Behind her arrives Ian, because apparently the guards at this palace are there for decoration.

All’s well that ends well, and Ian, Haroun, Barbara and Maimuna depart, leaving Fatima to face the justice of the women she betrayed.

Outside Jaffa, the Doctor and Vicki realise that Leicester’s knights are lying in wait for them, thinking them traitors. The Doctor helps Vicki sneak back to the TARDIS, where she meets Barbara, but the Doctor falls into the knights' clutches.

Before the serial can come to a grisly end, Sir Ian, Knight of Jaffa rides up, confirming that the Doctor is indeed a Saracen spy. The Doctor plays along, and Ian escorts him for one last look at Jaffa… and then safely into the TARDIS, where the other knights can’t see them smirk.

When the ship vanishes before their very eyes, they mourn for Ian, spirited away by fiends, and swear never to speak of this matter again.

Back in the TARDIS, the Doctor and Barbara have a little banter about his piloting skills, and it seems all is well… for about ten seconds, before the shining control room plunges into darkness.

What happens then? Well, we’ll have to wait and see…

Final Thoughts

This is rather a dark serial for Doctor Who, quite serious in tone and subject matter, with the sword of Damocles perpetually hanging over the head of every character.

I very much enjoyed Glover’s King Richard, even if he did wax a little Shakesperean from time to time. However, I’m not sure how true to the character of the actual King Richard this portrayal is. The Richard of The Crusade is a war-weary man, missing England and wishing for an end to all the fighting and a chance to hang up his sword.

The real Richard, on the other hand, although revered in his time as a great knight and viewed by his subjects as a heroic and pious king, was also known for his cruelty both before his reign and during it. The passing centuries have been kind to Richard, transforming him into the quintessential knight in shining armour, a true king on a holy mission, juxtaposed with his brother, the wicked Prince John, beloved by nobody and vilified by all.

Saladin, for his part, seems to be treated quite fairly. He is noted for his mercy and intelligence, which are on display here, though his merciful acts do seem to be framed as more tactical than altruistic. Of course, there is the issue of his physical portrayal, as I mentioned at some length above. It is a recurring issue with historical episodes, as there have been a number of occasions where there was a lack of an attempt at authentic casting. For example, we have this serial, as well as The Aztecs, and perhaps most egregiously in Marco Polo. I feel it would genuinely strengthen the episodes and their credibility if there was more of a push towards authenticity in casting, and not just in set and costume design.

On a side note, it just clicked with me that the Doctor didn’t meet Saladin face to face. That’s a pity, as I think they’d be very interesting together. I think they’d get along… mostly.

Joanna, recorded as simply Joan in the historical record, was indeed offered as a bargaining chip to Saladin’s brother, though it would seem that high-ranking priests vetoed the match without her involvement. Also, I am not certain that she was ever at Jaffa with Richard.

El-Akir seemed at first to be a little too villainous, being only one kicked kitten away from turning into a cartoon villain. As far as I can tell, he’s not real, and if he’s based in part on any real historical characters, I couldn’t tell you who. However, upon reflection, I think he’s one of the more menacing villains to appear on Doctor Who. As with the Daleks, it’s because he’s 'real'. Yes, it’s a contradiction. The character himself may not have really walked the Earth, but thousands upon thousands have followed in his footsteps all the same.

At risk of this review turning into a historical essay (of questionable accuracy), I think that I had better arrive at some sort of conclusion.

The Crusade is a tightly-written and exciting story, with excellent character work (if we set strict historical accuracy to one side) and a high production value. It raises some interesting points about the cost of war and what actions are acceptable in the name of peace. Were I educated in philosophy, I could have a field day examining it from every which way. It’s also a significant improvement from writer David Whitaker, who previously gave us The Edge Of Destruction (still my least favourite serial) and The Rescue (decent, but fairly forgettable to be honest).

At any rate, it inspired me to read up on the Third Crusade and take steps towards educating myself about this period. If it worked for me, it will have worked for goodness knows how many kids, some of whom are sure to fall down the rabbit-hole into a lifelong love of history. And in the end, isn’t that the important thing?

4 out of 5 stars

Don't miss the next episode of The Journey Show, this time featuring flautist Acacia Weber…and, of course, your Q&A about life in April 1965!

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Galactic Journey

Tag Archives: dr. who

[December 6, 1965] Are You Sitting Comfortably? Then I'll Begin (Doctor Who: The Daleks’ Master Plan [Part 1])

[November 8, 1965] You Must Be Mythtaken (Doctor Who: The Myth Makers)

[October 10, 1965] Doctor Where? (Doctor Who: Mission To The Unknown)

[October 4, 1965] Galaxy Bore (Doctor Who: Galaxy 4)

[July 26, 1965] Too much Monk-y Business (Doctor Who: The Time Meddler)

[July 6, 1965] Same Difference (Dr. Who And The Daleks)

A Quick Recap

What’s The Difference?

Not faithful enough, or too faithful?

It’s Not All Bad, Though.

[June 28, 1965] An Hour Of My Life I Will Never Get Back (Doctor Who: The Chase [parts 4-6])

[June 6, 1965] The Dawdle, More Like (Doctor Who: The Chase [Parts 1-3])

[May 16, 1965] Gathering Dust (Doctor Who: The Space Museum)

[April 18, 1965] The Doctor, the King and the Sultan (Doctor Who: The Crusade)

55 years ago: Science Fact and Fiction