Join us today, June 25, at 11:45 AM Pacific (2:45 Eastern) to see the very first, round-the-world broadcast: "Our World", featuring the premiere performance of the Beatles song, "All You Need is Love" (and a whole lot more!)

---

---

by Lorelei Marcus

My father and I took a trip to downtown Escondido last Friday to stroll and see the sights. Our first destination was the public library, a pleasant establishment my family visits often. That day, however, we were there for more than just books.

The Escondido Public Library

You see, Escondido is an old town for California, dating back to the previous century. While the sleek Main Street with its boutiques and shops is grand and all, father and I, travelers that we are, were out to discover some history. We made our way to the back corner of the library, full of dusty filing cabinets and drawers, and began rummaging through stores of old maps, newspaper clippings, and photographs in search of adventure. Soon after a kindly librarian came up to us and explained that there was a historical district just down the street. With a sheepish 'thank you' and 'farewell', we left to pursue the lead.

The expedition was a success. We saw a number of buildings from the twenties and before. The nearly Victorian architectures contrasted interestingly with some of the newer sites, including a very modern house of worship built just two years ago.

Escondido School District office building

In front of the Christian Science church

The brand new Methodist church

The El Plantio plant store!

Among the plants.

Lasagna break!

Modern works of art

The trip made me appreciate a little more the wonderful beauty of old things, and the amazing persistence of art, as we continue to remember and admire things long after their creation.

Fool me Thrice…

This week I watched the newest Bond film, You Only Live Twice , at its premiere. I can only hope that the philosophy of art preservation and adulation does not apply to this film in years to come.

I didn't have high hopes for the movie, particularly after the disaster that was Goldfinger (and previously, From Russia with Love). Yet with the setting being Japan, and our last trip several years behind us, the propect was too good to refuse.

And now there are two hours of my life that I'll never get back.

I will concede You Only Live Twice is the best of the Bond films (at least the ones I've seen), and I mean no disrespect to Roald Dahl who adapted the screenplay. However, the story takes some real squinting to hang together properly, and occasionally the only solution is to close your eyes altogether. Allow me to explain:

And pay attention.

Imagine it's 1966, the midst of the Cold War, and your goal is to get Russia and America to go to war with each other. You have a large budget and a small army of expendable workers. What are a few ways you might get the two superpowers to turn things hot? Do you have an idea in your head? Maybe two or three? Alright, now I'll tell you how Spectre decided to do it.

Step one: Design and construct a spacecraft capable of upright takeoff and landing (something which no nation in the world has ever managed), and large enough to contain another spacecraft.

It goes up and down. Spectre would make more selling this design to the highest bidder.

Step two: Construct an underground facility/launchpad to house said spacecraft.

Complete with Disneyland monorial.

Step three: Launch the spacecraft during American and Russian space shots, align the craft with other ships in orbit, and use the Spectre ship to retrieve American or Russian crafts in overly dramatic fashion.

Reusing Cronkite's Gemini simulation set, apparently.

Step four: Keep the astronauts as prisoners, not to interrogate or hold for ransom, or anything really. Maybe they make nice pets?

New pets for Spectre.

Spectre's current pet.

Step five: America and Russia blame each other for the stolen spaceships and go to war.

At a special session of the Security Council, both the U.S. and U.S.S.R. blame the U.K. for its lousy film franchise.

How simple! And elegant! And economically efficient! I can't think of a single thing that could go wrong!

I think I've made my point here, so let's move on.

Plots in the Hole

Spectre, with the priority of theatrics over efficiency, go through with their evil plan. MI6 tracks that the shots are coming from Japan and send their 'best man' for the job, James Bond himself. On his arrival, Bond has a run in with the charming Aki (Akiko Wakabayashi), who turns out to be the assistant of Tiger Tanaka (Tetsuro Tamba), leader of Japan's spy organization. One thing this movie does do right is having an ensemble of likable characters. James Bond is an insufferable character as it is, and Sean Connery is particularly weak in the role. The charisma of his co-stars alone was what kept me invested through most of the movie.

Wakabayashi and Tamba try once more to explain the script to Connery.

Of course Aki is killed off halfway through, just to make sure my opinion of the film doesn't get too high. She is replaced by a pretty girl from a fishing village who poses as James Bond's wife. Her special skills include having the personality of a cardboard sheet, and being able to hike an entire mountain in a bikini.

Talent!

But when Bond isn't throwing himself at anything with breasts and legs, he's taking credit for other people's work in saving the world. After he infiltrates Spectre's super secret volcano base, Bond gets captured trying to pose as one of their astronauts. Luckily, his friend Tiger shows up with an army of one hundred ninjas to rescue him and take Spectre down.

Ninjas!

An intense battle ensues, and Bond manages to press the self-destruct button for the Spectre spacecraft just in the nick of time. (That is, when it's right next to the Gemini spaceship in orbit. I'm sure that explosion will have no repercussions.) The day is saved, Spectre's plan foiled, etc., etc. Hooray.

"Houston! Something just hit us in the….[crackle]"

I can only imagine the masterpiece this could have been if it weren't a James Bond movie. The cinematography and special effects were both phenomenally gorgeous. The music was good, the setting was fun (and to some degree familiar), and most of the acting was good, too. For the first half I actually felt like I was watching a fairly interesting spy flick, despite its star.

The scenery didn't hurt, either.

But then it stumbled and fell into the pitfalls of the franchise. So long as Bond remains a womanizer whom every pretty girl falls for (despite his incompetence and frankly, ugliness); so long as death has no consequence and people are killed for cheap drama left and right; so long as the villains and their plots make no sense whatsoever and should fall apart the second they're set in motion; so long as all of these things remain staples of the James Bond tradition, I doubt I will ever appreciate a James Bond movie.

But perhaps just as the bright colors on the sophisticated Escondido houses were once seen as gaudy, this film will rise from the ashes as a historical classic for the ages. Or maybe it's just schlock. Only time will tell.

Out of all the Bond movies, three stars. Out of all the media I've ever seen, two stars, one for Tiger and one for Aki.

---

---