By Jessica Holmes

Friends and enemies, welcome back to another installment of Doctor Who. We’re diving into a pure historical serial today from the pen of John Lucarotti, concerning a fascinating Mesoamerican civilisation with quite the reputation: the Aztecs.

THE TEMPLE OF EVIL

The TARDIS lands in a burial chamber, and Barbara unleashes her inner magpie as she pokes around the grave goods, identifying the remains as belonging to an important Aztec who died around the 1430s. While admiring the grave goods, Barbara puts on a pretty bracelet she finds. That’s called stealing, Barbara. I don’t think he’s been dead long enough for it to count as archaeology.

Barbara exits the tomb onto a rather impressive set, showing us that we’re high above an Aztec city (possibly Tenochtitlan), presumably at the top of a pyramid. This is a bit curious, because as far as I’ve been able to find out, the Aztecs didn’t entomb their dead in their pyramids. Yes, I am going to continue being this pedantic through the entire review. No, I’m not sorry. You have been warned.

However, Barbara doesn’t get far before running into an Aztec priest.

The others emerge from the tomb and wonder where Barbara is. While they’re wondering, the door closes behind them, so they can't get back to the TARDIS. This does seem to happen a lot. You’d think the Doctor would get into the habit of parking in a more accessible location by now.

They’re met by a pair of priests, and in a pleasant surprise these holy men are downright friendly to the newcomers. I suppose it's too much to ask for authentic casting here. These priests are Tlotoxl, high priest of sacrifice (and also hammy acting, glorious hammy acting), and Autloc, high priest of knowledge. The Doctor is immediately suspicious of them, but the gang follow along and soon reunite with Barbara, who is a god now.

Don’t you just hate it when that happens? Put on a bit of bling and suddenly it’s all ‘hear my prayer’ and ‘please accept this sacrificial goat’.

Joking aside, the Aztec priests, having witnessed Barbara emerge from a sealed tomb with that stolen bracelet on, have come to the conclusion that Barbara is a goddess: Yetaxa.

I’m pretty certain that there is no Yetaxa in the Aztec pantheon, but who am I to argue with the chaps with the obsidian daggers?

Unable to get back to the TARDIS, the companions realise that they're going to have to keep up the ruse for as long as it takes to find a way back into the tomb, which doesn’t open from the outside.

Ian finds himself being groomed to lead the Aztec army. He is a servant of a god, after all. Who better to lead the mighty army of the Aztecs? Well, a man called Ixta, for one.

Ixta’s trained his whole life to be a warrior. He’s strong, he’s fearless, and he’s clever.

Ian is a science teacher.

They’re a little mismatched is all I’m saying.

Meanwhile, Autloc takes the Doctor to the Aztec equivalent of the old folks' home, where people in their golden years go to live out their days in peace and tranquility, doling out wisdom to any visitors. While exploring a lovely terrace garden, the Doctor takes a shine to a lady called Cameca, and the two get to talking about the architecture of the garden, and the pyramid it’s built upon.

Ian arrives to interrupt their nice little chat. He's not enjoying his time here nearly as much as the Doctor is. Why? Because there’s a drought on. You know what that means. Human sacrifice time!

To his shock, the Doctor urges him to just go along with things, both to maintain their cover, and not to interfere in the religious practices of the Aztecs. Easy for him to say, really. He’s not the one who’s going to get covered in blood.

In this sacrifice, however, Barbara sees an opportunity to flex her godly muscles. She’s a goddess, right? And everyone has to obey a goddess. Her idea is that if she can enact social change and eliminate the more disturbing aspects of Aztec society, by the time Cortez arrives they'll be perfect angels.

Perfect angels, Barbara, who will still be all but wiped out, either by the sword of the Conquistador in his lust for land and gold, or the uncaring indifference of smallpox.

I suppose her heart’s in the right place.

“You can’t change history. Not one line!”
The Doctor

Barbara doesn’t heed the Doctor’s warning, however, and when the time comes, she calls a halt to the sacrifice.

The victim, however, isn't grateful for the reprieve. By stopping the sacrifice, Barbara has denied him honour. Accounts suggest that many Aztec sacrifices weren’t just willing, they were eager for the honour of going to meet their gods.

Then again, the Aztecs did also like to sacrifice conquered enemies by the thousands. I don’t imagine they were quite so enthusiastic about the whole ordeal.

The victim, having been denied the obsidian blade, takes matters into his own hands as he flings himself off the pyramid. And lo! With death came rain.

And with this, Tlotoxl comes to an inescapable conclusion: whoever Barbara is, she’s no god. And for that, he shall destroy her.

A pretty good start to the serial, all in all, but nothing that really made me go ‘Wow!’. 3.5 out of 5.

WARRIORS OF DEATH

We pick up where we left off, and the high priest of scenery-chewing reaffirms his declaration that he shall see Barbara destroyed.

The Doctor and Barbara argue over her intervention, and how much danger it's put them in. The Doctor points out the victim wanted to be sacrificed, but Barbara wanted the Aztecs to see that the rains could come without it. The Doctor briefly loses his temper, upsetting Barbara. Realising what he’s done, he apologises for being harsh with her. I absolutely love this scene. There’s something so wonderfully human about it the emotions here. The anger, frustration, desperation, distress, remorse. It’s wonderful.

The Doctor goes off to meet with Cameca, leaving Barbara to verbally spar with Tlotoxl, who tries to trick her into revealing her lack of divinity. However, Barbara’s sharp wit parries every one of his jabs.

Meanwhile, Ian's with Ixta, and he has a trick up his sleeve; or rather, at the end of it: his thumb.

By pressing his thumb into the back of Ixta’s neck, Ian manages to knock him out cold.

I want to know both how he can do that, and how to do it myself. It’d come in handy. My brother can be quite annoying sometimes.

Ixta is humiliated, but he has one chance left to prove himself: a duel with Ian, at sunset.

Meanwhile in the garden, the Doctor enjoys the company of Cameca very much. For all his early causticness, it looks like the Doctor’s becoming a bit of a softie.

Cameca arranges for the Doctor to meet with the son of the architect who designed the pyramid. As it turns out, it’s Ixta! He agrees to meet the Doctor, and cryptically remarks “What better way to destroy your enemies than to let them destroy themselves?”

Sounds rather Sun Tzu.

Susan, meanwhile, is learning how to be a good Aztec housewife. It is not very interesting. I’m not going to even ask how she’s reading Aztec writing, let alone apparently speaking fluent Nahuatl.

Ixta tells the Doctor about his upcoming fight, but leaves out the fact that it's to be against Ian. Assuming that he wins, he’ll bring the Doctor the plans for the pyramid after the fight. In order to ensure Ixta's victory and continued assistance, the Doctor offers to help him. He gives Ixta a little concoction: a cactus spine stuck into a leaf. Impressive. The poison won't kill his opponent, but it'll slow him down.

Don’t look quite so pleased with yourself, Doctor.

When the Doctor tells Barbara what he’s been up to, he’s shocked to discover that he’s actually helped sabotage Ian’s chances of victory against Ixta. However, he’s unable to warn Ian in time, and in the heat of the fight, Ixta pricks Ian with the cactus spine.

The poison overcomes Ian, and he’s completely helpless as Tlotoxl urges Ixta to finish him off.

It looks like Barbara’s going to have to cook up a bit of divine intervention.

Just look at this costume, though. Isn’t it marvellous?

This was rather a good episode, possibly my favourite of the serial. 4 out of 5.

THE BRIDE OF SACRIFICE

Real or pretend, it’s a bad idea to mess with Aztec gods.

Sadly, Barbara doesn’t have the ability to call down bolts of lightning and start smiting people, but she finds herself the next best thing: a knife. With the dagger pressed to Tlotoxl’s throat, Barbara orders Ixta to leave Ian alone, or she’ll kill the high priest.

With Ian safe, Barbara talks with Autloc, who seems to be coming around to her way of thinking. In a few days there’s to be a sacrifice to the sun god, as there’s going to be an eclipse, and only blood will bring back the sun.

Ian wakes up from his little drug-induced nap to find Ixta standing over him with a knife, which is mildly alarming. Luckily, Ixta doesn't fancy killing him right now. He'd actually like to be friends, at least for the little while Ian has left to live. Next time, Ixta will kill him. Nice bloke.

Along comes Tlotoxl. He asks about the drawings Ixta has agreed to show the Doctor. It turns out he never had them! The secrets of the tomb died with Ixta’s father.

Back at the garden, Cameca's got some cocoa beans. The Doctor proposes that they take a cup of cocoa together. From the way she reacts, I think we're headed for a misunderstanding straight out of a romantic comedy.

…They do make a cute couple, though.

Ian sneaks up to meet Barbara and warns her that Tlotoxl is up to no good, as if she couldn’t have already guessed. In their conversation, Ian tries to convince Barbara that Autloc is the outlier among the Aztecs because he’s ‘civilised’ and not as eager for blood as the other Aztecs they’ve met. Um, what about Cameca? She seems nice and normal.

The conversation just leaves a bit of a bad taste in my mouth. Don’t get me wrong: the Aztec rulership and priesthood were incredibly cruel; it’s a big contributor to the neighbouring tribes turning on them with the arrival of Cortez. I just don’t like writing off an entire culture as Evil.

Along comes Tlotoxl, all smiles and friendliness, to offer Barbara a drink.

Barbara orders Tlotoxl to drink first. When he refuses, she flings the poison at his feet. He admits that he was trying to test her, and, furious, Barbara lets him in on her little secret. She’s not Yetaxa. She’s not any kind of goddess. But it’s her word against his, and if he tries any more funny business, she can have him killed.

Well, this has all taken a rather dark turn, hasn’t it? Let’s see what the Doctor’s up to.

The Doctor makes Cameca a nice cup of cocoa, but when Cameca delightedly says that she accepts his proposal, the look on the Doctor’s face is a joy to behold. Whoops!

Still, we can’t really blame the Doctor for this misunderstanding, and must instead shake our fists vigorously at whoever did the historical fact-checking here, because that’s not how the Aztecs proposed marriage. Marriages in Aztec society were arranged between the families of the couple-to-be, facilitated by an elderly female matchmaker.

I’m willing to forgive this outright fabrication, however, because it’s hilarious. And apparently the Aztecs did sometimes use chocolate as an aphrodisiac, so it’s not that far off.

Our two lovebirds retreat to the garden, where Cameca gives the Doctor a medallion with the seal of Yetaxa. It was given to her by Ixta’s father, who used to be in love with her. Oh my!

The Doctor shows Ian the medallion, and tells him of his suspicion that there's a tunnel linking the tomb and the garden; both have Yetaxa's seal on the walls. Oh, and he casually mentions his engagement. Ian's reaction is priceless.

The night before the ritual, Ian gets up, and sneaks off to the garden. However, he doesn’t go unnoticed.

Ian helps the Doctor pry open the seal on the garden wall, revealing a secret tunnel into the pyramid. Ian goes in to have a look, but while he’s in there, along comes Ixta, who blocks off the tunnel.

If that wasn’t bad enough, Ixta reveals another piece of information about the construction of the pyramid: these tunnels are used to carry water. A pretty impressive feat of engineering, but bad news for Ian! They’re bone dry at the moment, but not for long…

Uh oh.

This episode isn’t quite as good as the previous, but the hilarity of the accidental proposal makes up for the shortcomings. 3.5 out of 5.

THE DAY OF DARKNESS

Ian manages to lift up a slab in the ceiling and crawl through before the water takes him. Did you really think they’re going to kill off one of the main characters?

The Doctor begs Ixta to open the wall, admitting that Ian is in the tunnel. Ixta just laughs and walks off, leaving the Doctor thinking he's just got Ian killed.

On the contrary, Ian’s found his way into the tomb! He wastes no time rigging up some leather straps so that the door can be levered open from the outside.

Exiting the tomb, he runs into Barbara and the Doctor, who are very relieved to find him alive and well, if a bit dusty. All they need now is to get Susan and go, so Ian goes to look for her.

However, Tlotoxl has put Susan under Ixta's watchful eye. Ixta tells Susan that Ian is dead. We know better, but what Ixta doesn’t know can certainly hurt him, as Ian sneaks up from behind and subdues him with the old back-of-the-neck trick.

Off they go to leg it back to the TARDIS, but it seems that levering the tomb open is easier said than done. The door is just too heavy.

Ian and Susan head off to try the tunnel again, so that they can let the Doctor and Barbara through the other side.

However, on their way to the garden, they find Autloc on the floor, injured, and beside him is Ian’s club. He’s been framed! As Ian and Susan are hauled off, Autloc declares them servants of a false goddess. Our companions are fast running out of Aztec allies.

Up at the garden, the Doctor is whittling a wheel. He has an idea about making a pulley system to get the door open. The Aztecs don’t have the wheel, so he has to make his own. Cameca offers to intercede on Ian’s behalf. I like Cameca, and I like her dynamic with the Doctor. It’s a very nice relationship.

This makes it a bit confusing, then, when Cameca and the Doctor discuss the Doctor’s hopefully imminent departure. It’s rather cold and wooden, whereas their other scenes have been very warm and genuine. Maybe it was an attempt to show the pair of them putting on a brave face? I don’t know. I don’t know whether it’s the acting or the writing or what it is, but the scene doesn’t really work for me.

Autloc gives Cameca a Special Shiny Thing which basically represents all his wealth. She’s to give it to the man guarding Susan, in order to turn his head. Then, Cameca is to escort Susan up to the temple. Autloc, for his part, has a lot of thinking to do about his life choices, so he decides to leave the city and become a hermit.

We’ve all been there, Autloc.

The guard takes a while to think about the bribe, so Ian makes his mind up for him and clobbers his neck.

Cameca and Susan make a break for it, while Ian starts stripping the guard.

Cameca arrives at the tomb with Susan, and the Doctor sends her away. This farewell is a bit sadder and more sincere. Cameca only asks that the Doctor should think of her.

Let’s try not to think about what the likely consequences are for Cameca’s aid to the false goddess and her servants.

The ceremony arrives, and Tlotoxl tries to kill Barbara. However, he should have taken a closer look at the guards first, as one of them turns out to be Ian! Tlotoxl calls for Ixta’s aid, and it’s time for the ultimate showdown.

They fight atop the pyramid and unfortunately there are so many close shots that it's really hard to tell what's going on. That is, until Ixta has Ian on his back at the top of the steps. As Ixta goes to make the killing blow, Ian succeeds in throwing him off balance, sending Ixta tumbling down the deadly steps of his father’s pyramid.

Victorious, Ian rejoins the others, who have managed to get the tomb open with the Doctor’s pulley system. They all rush inside, and the Aztecs turn up too late to stop them.

Tlotoxl allows them to go. The eclipse has arrived, and the victim’s heart isn’t going to rip itself out.

Inside the tomb, Barbara is depressed about failing to save the collective soul of the Aztecs, and making Autloc doubt his faith. The Doctor tries to reassure her. She couldn’t save them all, but at least she saved Autloc.

It’s not really much comfort, is it? The sacrifices are going ahead, a good man has had his life ruined, goodness only knows what’s to become of Cameca, and in a few short decades, this civilisation will fall, and the native population of Mexico will decline over the following century by as much as 90%.

With a sense of defeat, the companions head off in the TARDIS once again, but it looks like they aren’t safe after all. The ship starts to make a funny noise, and one set of instruments says they’ve stopped, but another says they’re moving.

How can this be?

Perhaps they’ve landed on something.

Or…

In something.

Not a bad one, but lacking the intrigue of the earlier episodes, and a pretty lacklustre climax, I think I have to give this 3 out of 5.

Final Thoughts

In editing down the frankly absurd word count I had for the initial draft of this review, I found myself having to excise commentary on entire plot threads in order to get the article down to a reasonable length. It was while doing this that it occurred to me, that as I could excise these scenes from the review, a lot of them could have been taken out of the serial itself, and the story still would have made sense. There’s a fair bit of wheel-spinning (well, the Aztecs didn’t have wheels, but you know what I mean) in this serial. A lot of quite similar scenes keep popping up. Barbara talks to Autloc about human sacrifice. Tlotoxl tries to unmask Barbara as a false god. A companion is arrested, and released a scene or two later. I cut some of these out of the review because they just didn’t go anywhere.

That’s not to mention the many scenes where characters discuss in detail their plan to do something or other, then are shown doing that something or other. It just seems redundant. Just show the latter.

There’s clearly a lot of interest in Aztec culture on display here, though I do think there’s more interest in the more bloody aspects of Aztec culture and religion than there is in the more mundane side of things. That’s a bit of a shame, really, because I like seeing the aspects of a society that are often left out of the popular narrative. However, the Aztecs as depicted here are certainly interesting, so I hope that this serial prompts a young lass or lad to crack open a history book– provided that their parents let them watch the story in the first place!

That’s about all I have to say on The Aztecs. I hope you enjoyed my rambling and armchair history, and I’ll see you next month, when I’ll be reviewing the first part of the next serial of Doctor Who.

My overall rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

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