by Gideon Marcus

The Aper

My brother likes to quip that "imitation is the sincerest form of mockery", and boy howdy did last night's episode make a mockery of this amazing show we've come to love.

There has now been a season of Star Trek plus five episodes in season two.  As often happens with brilliant new shows, we're starting to see repetition of plotlines, reliance on clichés rather than innovation.  "The Changeling" recalled "Return of the Archons."  "Who Mourns for Adonais" recalled "Space Seed" and "Charlie X".  However, these mild echoes are nothing compared to what is easily the worst episode of the second season thus far, and possibly of the entire show: "The Apple".

Investigating the planet Gamma Trianguli VI (a real star – one of the three that make up Triangulum, a somewhat obscure constellation most noteworthy for containing the lovely galaxy M33), Kirk beams down with a whopping eight other crew to enjoy what appears to be an absolute paradise planet a la "Shore Leave".  Why the captain, first officer, and the chief medical officer are required for this mission of preliminary exploration is never explained.  The garden aspects of the planet are mostly conveyed by dialogue; unlike "Shore Leave", Gamma Trianguli VI is composed of an obvious set with lots of potted plants.

"Captain, you might stop playing with every flower.  One did just kill a crewman."

For the next twenty minutes, we watch the hapless party mowed down in turn by: 1) spore-shooting plants (like "This Side of Paradise" but deadly), 2) exploding rocks, and 3) lightning bolts.  Eventually, Kirk concludes that it's too dangerous for the ship's senior personnel to stay any longer, but now the Enterprise has no power because something from the planet has drained it.

"Cap'n!  This is the fifth week in a row something's kept us in orbit!  Are ye sure it's not in the Writer's Guide?"

It is only then, almost to the third act, that the story begins.  Kirk captures and slaps "Akuta", a red-skinned caucasian tribal chief with Peter Graves' hair, who is "the eyes and ears of Vaal".  Vaal, it turns out, is a giant Gorn head made out of papier mâché with steps leading into his mouth.  Said head controls the weather, the flora, and the people, using immense machines located underground a la Forbidden Planet.  And yet, it requires that the natives periodically shovel explodey rocks into its mouth to top off its gas tank (with music lifted from "Amok Time").  In return, Vaal grants peace, tranquility, and virtual immortality.  Like Landru in "Return of the Archons."  The only difference is, unlike "Archons", where the citizens get a night of wild abandon every so often, the Triangulans must abstain from sex.

"But it's been 20,000 years!  Can't we go steady now?"

Which is why Vaal doesn't want Earthmen around.  They just can't keep their hands off each other.  But, instead of telling Kirk and co. to go home, it kills the landing party one by one, ultimately ordering the tribesmen (but not the women, despite their not being involved in child rearing or motherhood by order of Vaal, so there's really no basis for discrimination) to kill the rest of the starmen.  Despite their ineptitude at violence, they do manage to brain the last male security guard, though the lone female guard displays an unusual degree of competence in fending them off.  I think I know what changes I'd make to the Enterprise's duty roster…

Kato's got competition…

Finally, with the Enterprise spiraling into the atmosphere due to Vaal's grasp (no green hand as in "Adonais", but the effect is the same), and with Kirk's team depleted by half, the captain hits upon the idea of denying Vaal food.  This makes Vaal mad, so Kirk orders that the Enterprise shoot Vaal with phasers.  In a scene lifted directly from "Adonais", complete with special effects shots AND MUSIC, the Enterprise deactivates Vaal.

"Tyrannosaurus!  Diplodocus!  You were right.  Triceratops… you were right…The time has passed. There is no room for dinosaur gods."

This despite the fact that Scotty said he'd tied "everything but the kitchen sink" into the impulse engines to try to break away from Vaal.  I guess he meant "everything but the kitchen sink and the energy from the most powerful weapons ever invented." Which, by the way, we know can be transferred to engine power because we saw Scotty do it in "The Galileo Seven".

Anyway, now the people of GTVI are free to experience the joys of hard labor, disease, and death in childbirth.  Of course, there is some hand-wringing about violating the "non-interference directive", mostly by Spock, and countered by McCoy, who feels a world without sex isn't one worth living in.  Never mind that the point is moot–Kirk has no choice but to destroy Vaal lest he lose his ship.  Which makes the whole conundrum both repetitive and pointless.

Add to that a really tic-laden performance from Shatner, and "The Apple" sinks to the bottom of the barrel, recalling and, at the same time, displacing last season's "The Alternative Factor".

One star.

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One rotten apple…

by Janice L. Newman

What is there to say about The Apple that hasn’t already been said above? It was bad, offensively so. Not just because the story was inconsistent and at times nonsensical. We’ve come to accept such stories with varying degrees of equanimity on other shows, like Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea. What made this episode particularly bad and offensive was that it didn’t have the quality we’ve come to specifically expect from Star Trek. Other shows rarely, if ever, give us the well-written science fiction we crave. "Star Trek" has set a standard for itself, especially with two of the early second season episodes, "Amok Time" and "Mirror, Mirror", both of which my fellow Journeyers rated highly. To know that it can be better and watch it fail spectacularly was far more painful than if we’d had low expectations going in. After waiting all week to watch the new episode and inviting friends to watch it with us on our new color television, we ended up wasting an hour of our lives.

I don't think RCA is going to sell many sets with this episode…

There were a couple of bright spots. Apparently the writer wanted to see Spock get hurt repeatedly. In the course of the 50 minute episode, Spock gets shot with poisonous spores, nearly blown up, struck by lightning, and zapped by a force field. While this series of events almost became comedic, Nimoy’s low-key performance is excellent as always.

"I said I like my steak well done, not my Spock!"

McCoy, too, delivers a snappy and acerbic comment that was one of the highlights of the episode ("So much for paradise"). And as annoying as I found her romance with Chekov, I was thrilled to see Martha-the-security-guard successfully flip and subdue a man much larger than she was. It’s about time we see a little equality in the security forces on the ship. We have an equal-opportunity bridge crew, yet the people wearing red are almost always men.

These pinpoints of light were few and far between, like stars at the edge of the galaxy. Unfortunately, they couldn’t save the vast stretch of nothing that was the rest of the episode.

One star.

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Something Borrowed

by Joe Reid

The other day I saw a TV advertisement for a child’s toy.  It was a hat with propellers on it.  The children in the commercial ran around and laughed.  They behaved as if these hats were the most fun that they had ever had.  Conversely the child in me looked at that hat and said, “that has got to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen.” The creator of the propeller hat didn’t appear to have put much thought into making a toy that was either interesting or fun, or God-forbid, educational.  He likely saw a child in an old comic strip with a propeller beanie on and thought, “This must be what real children think is fun.  There’s a child in this comic strip with one.  Think of what we could do with two props!”

(not with "The Apple", he didn't)

This week’s episode of Star Trek felt very much to me like that hat.  It looked and felt uncomfortable.  It was utterly pointless and in the end, it just wasn’t very fun at all.  It was a collection of pieces of what one may have thought a good episode of Star Trek was made up of without actually being good, nor relevant, nor consistent.  It was just empty.

“The Apple" was penned by Max Ehrlich, known for his acclaimed non-SF novels, The Takers and Deep is the Blue.  He must obviously be up on Star Trek, because he couldn't have cribbed so many bits from other episodes so far, otherwise.

(not with "The Apple", he didn't)

Up until now, episodes of Star Trek showed our heroes going to strange and amazing settings.  To worlds that have histories and that have been shaped by powerful forces.  They traveled to a ruined world where only children exist, due to a disease that killed the adults.  To a paradise where a lonely god waited millennia for humans to re-join him.  To a ranch where an intelligent fungus gives you perfect health but mind controls you with euphoria.  These were stories set in fantastic places where strange things happen for reasons that serve those worlds.  “The Apple” blatantly lifts elements from these previous episodes.  Story elements that grounded and explained the worlds of the episodes exist in this episode devoid of what meaning they held before and bearing no meaning for the story we saw them in this week.

Ehrlich is like the marketing executive who came up with the idea for the propeller hat.  After all, hats are big; propellers are keen; surely, combining them would be a gas.  All that's needed to sell the idea is to show kids having a blast wearing it!

And so, Ehrlich takes elements from beloved episodes, gussies them up with exploding rocks, giant lizard heads, and innocent naïve natives turned killer, and hopes we'll buy "The Apple" because, hey, it's Star Trek, ain't it?

Sure. Like the 40th copy from a ditto machine is the original.  And efforts to include new elements fall flat, too.  I'm thinking of the uncharacteristically forced romance that we witnessed between Chekov and the female Ensign, and the awkward attempts at comedy at the expense of the same Ensign, which even flustered the ever-logical Spock.  The one exception to this being any comedic line delivered by Mr. DeForest Kelly, Dr. McCoy.  That man is so funny he makes even bad dialogue work when he performs it.

"Jim, I've got an idea.  Why don't you give me all the lines?

At the end of the day, “The Apple” was unfocused, derivative, and uninteresting television.  Borrowing good story points from others that do not serve a new story does not make for a good episode, any more than sticking fans on a beanie makes a good toy.  Instead of things happening for a reason they simply existed so that something happened.  Without the reasons why things were as they were, “The Apple” came across vapid and empty.  Here’s hoping that next week we return to tales that have more meaning than this. 

1 star

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Well, maybe the next episode, airing TONIGHT, will be better.  Looks like the Enterprise is in for a bumpy ride..

Here's the invitation. Come join us!