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[April 2, 1969] A New Beginning? (Out of the Unknown: Season Three)


By Mx Kris Vyas-Myall

The National Radio Astronomy Observatory may have discovered clues to the origins of life in space. Looking at interstellar clouds, believed to be where planets and stars are formed, traces of formaldehyde have been detected.

140’ Radio Telescope at Green Bank
140’ Radio Telescope at Green Bank, responsible for this discovery

The reason this is important is that it is a sign of the presence of methane, formaldehyde occurring in the oxidation process. From the Miller-Urey experiments, it is widely believed that for primitive life to occur, you need a reducing atmosphere to allow complex molecules to form. Along with already detected ammonia and water, these appear to show the elements needed for a reducing atmosphere are already present in these clouds.

If this is found to hold up, we may be a step closer to understanding the birth of life on Earth.

On British television, we are also seeing a kind of rebirth. Of Out of the Unknown without the driving force of Irene Shubik.

Out of the Unknown

Out of the Unknown logo with the words in orange against a green background

With Shubik’s departure for The Wednesday Play, following the commissioning of scripts, it has been up to new producer Alan Bromly to make them a reality.

In many ways Bromly is the opposite of Shubik, an old hand at directing and TV production back to the early 50s, but with little experience in Science Fiction. Rather he has made a name for himself across a range of different productions, most notably the anthology slot BBC Sunday Night Theatre, soap opera Compact and films such as The Angel Who Pawned Her Harp.

So how did it turn out?

(I would like to take a brief moment to thank my colleague Fiona for using her contacts at the BBC to provide us with colour publicity photos. I am still using a Black & White set at home).

Big Prophets, Short Returns

Picture from Immortality Inc. where Charles Hull (Peter Copley) briefs Blaine (Charles Tingwall) and the other hunters on the hunt in a ruined monastry.
The hunt for good science fiction begins.

This series of plays opens with a well-known novel, Robert Sheckley’s Immortality Inc. Even though this does a reasonable job of condensing the story into a 50-minute slot, and it bounces along quite nicely, I find both versions a bit soulless. I just find I am not really invested in who gets the body, which is a big problem for the central conflict.

Whilst it has some notable fans, our editor gave the original story three stars and I think that is about right for this production.

Shot from The Naked Sun, where Baley (Paul Maxwell), sitting and see from behind, is remotely communicating with a Solarian whilst two people in cloaks work the machines.
“Why, yes I do look a lot younger than Cushing did, let’s not go on about it…”

Different issues plague the other novel adaptation of the season, Asimov’s The Naked Sun.

The script makes an effort to place this as a sequel to the 1964 production of The Caves of Steel, with Bailey opening the story talking about “Caves of Steel”, his delight at being partnered again with Daneel, and Secretary Minim referencing the previous case in Brooklyn. Even if Paul Maxwell (Fireball XL-5’s Steve Zodiac) is no Peter Cushing, he still does well paired-off against relative newcomer David Collings.

As people know of the original novel, the case is pretty interesting and, even if at times it feels a bit overwrought with all the yelling, the twists and turns of the story kept me engaged. The problem stems from the conversations largely being communicated through viewscreens. Unfortunately, whilst Rudolph Cartier is an experienced director (and did a great job on Level Seven), he fails to give it flair Saville did in The Machine Stops.

Image from Liar! showing Herbie (Ian Ogilvy) sitting up just after assembly
Herbie awakes to find himself in yet another Asimov adaptation

Of course, Shubik could never choose just one Asimov script, so our second is Liar! Robot romantic comedies seem to have become a regular feature of Out of the Unknown (see also Andover and the Android, Satisfaction Guaranteed) but this one missed the mark for me somewhat.

This has never been my favourite of Asimov’s Robot stories and the teleplay has similar issues. I find the psychic robot too contrived and I really don’t enjoy how much of it is built around Calvin’s attraction to her colleague.

It is well-made and Gifford gives a great performance as the robot psychologist (now her third on-screen depiction), so it will probably appeal more to others. But it is not entirely to my tastes.

An image from Beach Head where Cassandra Jackson (Helen Dowling) talks to Commander Tom Decker (Ed Bishop) on the spaceship.
“I am no longer just Captain Blue, I am now also Captains Lilac, Pink, Fuschia, Green and Khaki”

The third big name writer to be adapted in this run is Clifford Simak and his stories are the ones that tread into the most traditionally SFnal territory, starting with the first contact tale of Beach Head.

I will concede that it looks excellent, with the unusual design of the robots and the aliens being particularly noteworthy. However, this was the weakest installment for me, with three different problems.

Firstly, not all of the performances are pitched right, particularly Ed Bishop playing the lead role very broadly. This is more important in this story where neither the robots nor the aliens speak or emote. As such we rely on the human actors to carry the weight.

Secondly, the action in the first half is divided between robots outside and humans inside, making the pacing glacial until the aliens arrive.

Finally and most significantly, as Victoria said in her review of the original tale, this is not a particularly good example of a puzzle story and it doesn’t add up to much. So, however much it is nice to look at, you spend your time going through a lot of dull content for a rather empty ending.

An image from Target Generation where Jon Hoff (David Buck) and Joshua (Owen Berry) examine the ship's controls.
Set course for planetfall…again!

The other Simak marks another first for Out of the Unknown, Shubik electing to remake a script already done for Out of this World, Target Generation.

Even those SF fans who did not catch its first use will find the tale a familiar one. It is not that it is not a good exploration of the standard themes about blind faith and static thinking leading to our doom, just not one with many surprises. Possibly one for the casual viewer not so aware of science fiction cliches.

Medical Marvels

Image from The Yellow Pill where John Frame (Francis Matthews) tries to convince Wilfred Connor (Stephen Barclay) to take the yellow pills whilst two detectives watch on in the background.
Channeling his inner Timothy Leary to find the truth in a pill

The Yellow Pill is also a script reused from Out of This World, actually being the first episode of that series, yet I felt its restaging works better than the Simak. This is because it is somewhat more unusual in its content.

Whilst its staging could feel a bit old fashioned, largely only utilising a single set, this play-like feeling adds to the sense of unreality we are meant to experience. Add into this a strong script, great performances and the questioning of what is real, and it still feels fresh.

Image from The Little Black Bag where Dr. RogerFull (Emrys James) and Angie (Geraldine Moffat) operate on a Mrs. Coleman with equipment from the bag
The most important use of futuristic medical devices, removing bags under the eyes

The Yellow Pill is only one of several scripts that concentrate on the medical aspects of technological progress. Kornbluth’s The Little Black Bag looks at what might happen if future medical equipment ends up in the past.

Even though I feel this has a solid idea at its core, the episode could have done with a bit of a reworking. It does have some great moments (particularly in the last ten minutes), however the pacing goes back and forth too much for my tastes. I also found that parts are over-explained, whilst other vital questions are left hanging.

Image from The Fosters where the titular couple (Richard Pearson and Freda Bamford) along with Harry Gerwyn (Bernard Hepton) discuss the fate of Geoff (Anton Darby as he lies on a operating table surrounded by medical equipment as Mrs. Foster holds up a strange headpiece.
The generation gap on show

Michael Ashe’s The Fosters (an original for OOTU) seems at first like it might be a piece of domestic drama about the conflict between respectable middle-class families and rebellious youth. But it unfolds nicely in little moments, with the titular couple’s unusual knowledge and strange eating habits bringing with it unease and tension. Even though the end reveal is a bit of a letdown, the journey is a strong one.

Image from 1+1=1.5 as Mary Beldon (Julia Lockwood) is prepared by a medical assistant for her pregnancy test by having electrodes attached to her brain from a computer bank and a human shaped outline is put by her side
Pregnancy screening has come a long way from HIT

Even though the UK’s fertility rate has been steadily declining for the last few years, overpopulation is still a major topic among SF writers. Brian Hayles (of Ice Warrior fame) continues that discussion in 1+1=1.5, an original where the wife of a population control officer becomes pregnant for the second time.

The result is a bit of a mixed bag. It has interesting elements with the catchy jingles on population control, reminiscent of The Year of the Sex Olympics, and it has in its lead roles the great pairing of Bernard Horsfall and Julia Lockwood.

However, I found the mystery of how Mary got pregnant was overemphasized, resulting in a rather dull conclusion, when I would have preferred a focus on the more interesting human side.

The Human Element

Image from Something in the Cellar, with Monty Lefcado (Milo O'Shea) watching an Oscilloscope surround by a hodgepodge of other computer equipment
“I wonder if I can get the cricket on this?”

This human element can be seen in the final of the original productions, Donald Bull’s Something in the Cellar. This is a Nigel Kneale-esque production, putting a science fictional twist on the gothic haunted house story.

I will concede it does stretch out a bit, but it is still spooky and character driven, with the voice of the “mum” being particularly unsettling.

An image from Random Quest showing Colin Trafford (Keith Barron) and Mrs. Gale (Beryl Cooke) in a greenhouse surrounded by plants.
Two Worlds, how to choose between them?

This kind of character-driven storytelling is also present in John Wyndham’s Random Quest, a story of dual time-scales.

Whilst I was never as much of a fan of this Wyndham as some of his other works, and found the script a bit drawn out, I cannot fault the production overall. The design of the parallel universe England is well realized, with the Edwardian touches being very clever. It would also be easy to find the whole conceit rather confusing, but the crew did a great job of helping the audience understand the split in the narrative.

Apparently, this has gone down extremely well and there has even been interest floated in adapting it for the big screen.

Image from The Last Lonely Man as James Hale (George Cole) undergoes the contact treatment for Patrick Wilson (Peter Halliday) who looks on in the background
An inebriated Hale doesn’t realise the trouble coming to him

After the great production of Some Lapse of Time back in the programme’s first run, I was pleased to see another Brunner for this series with The Last Lonely Man.

Even though the original story, as Mark noted, is nothing special, this is a largely straight adaptation raised up by a number good choices:
• The casting of George Cole and Peter Halliday as Hale and Wilson respectively.
• Jeremy Paul expands the wider implications of the tale, making mentions of problems of inflation, sexuality and psychological breakdown.
• Making the death of Wilson the mid-point of the story, rather than the ending.
• Douglas Camfield’s direction making it a creepy tale of paranoia instead of a farce.
I do find it curious Shubik chose it for the same season as the conceptually similar Immortality Inc., but this one shines rather than dulls in comparison.

Image from Get Off of My Cloud as Pete (Donal Donnelly) dressed in an ordinary suit, tries to reason with Craswell (Peter Jeffrey), dressed in a pulpy science fiction outfit, as they stand in a temple with a cobra motif.
“It is all quite simple. You are actually a science fiction writer, in a dream, that is drawing from SF cliches, that is part of a teleplay on BBC2, which is adapted from a novelette, originally published in Astounding Magazine.”

The series is finished with one of its finest ever productions, Get Off Of My Cloud.

Adapted from the excellent story Dreams are Sacred by Peter Phillips (well known to British readers due to its inclusion in the highly regarded Spectrum III anthology) it is a comical take on the cliches of pulp science fiction whilst also asking questions about the nature of fantasy versus reality.

As well as transferring the setting to the UK and adding in some wonderful Britishisms (Raymond Cusick did the design work for this episode and his incorporation of Daleks and the TARDIS are marvelous) it also builds on the idea of our childhood fears and looks at how we conquer them.

The Queen is Dead, Long Live the King

The covers of three anthologies: Tomorrow's Worlds ed. Robert Silverberg; The Best SF Stories from New Worlds #2 ed. Michael Moorcock; The Years Best Science Fiction No. 2 ed. Harry Harrison & Brian Aldiss
Just a few of the excellent SF anthologies currently available at your local bookshop

Whilst there have been teething troubles in a few of the stories, overall, I have enjoyed this season. It continues to show the value of the science fiction anthology series which, just like its paperback equivalent, offers a great way to explore a multitude of themes and ideas.

Whatever mysteries are unlocked by scientists, I have no doubt that SF writers will continue to find interesting questions to explore and there will be a place for this kind of television.

Long may it continue.

[March 4, 1969] Here Endeth The Lesson (Doctor Who: The Seeds Of Death [Parts 4-6])


By Jessica Holmes

“The Seeds Of Death” draws to a close, and time is running out for planet Earth. Let’s check in with the Doctor and company to see how humanity’s fate unfolds, and whether the human race will learn anything from this whole ordeal…

ID: Fewsham (white male, 30s) sits in front of a computer terminal between two Ice Warriors (left foreground, right background, both wearing scaly armour and helmets)

In Case You Missed It

At the end of the last episode, the Ice Warriors began their attack, sending a seed pod to the London T-Mat control centre. The pod soon bursts, instantly killing the nearest man, and leaving the rest struggling for breath. They’re able to disperse the cloud of spores, but realise too late that they’ve dispelled it into the open air. And soon the seeds take root, growing, bursting and expanding across the grounds outside. And it’s not just London—it’s happening to T-Mat centres across the northern hemisphere.

Maybe these seeds are why the Ice Warriors always sound so terribly asthmatic? Poor things have allergies.

Meanwhile on the Moonbase, Jamie and Phipps sneak around the base, successfully snatching an unconscious Doctor away from under the Ice Warriors’ noses. They also attempt to reach the temperature controls, but find the vent too small to wiggle through. Zoe is small enough, however, and volunteers for the job.

Back on Earth, the autopsy report on the dead man comes back, and Radnor and Eldred are baffled to find that he died of oxygen starvation. It takes several minutes for the brain to start dying from lack of oxygen, so how can he have died instantly? Unfortunately, this is never adequately answered. And they don’t get much chance to mull it over, because the invasion has begun. An Ice Warrior suddenly bursts from the London T-Mat booth. Eldred and Radnor watch in horror as it kills their guards before heading out to terrorise the rest of the facility.

ID: an Ice Warrior outside. They wear a scaly-textured helmet which obscures most of the face. The bottom jaw and chin are visible, they also appear scaly.

Starting to worry about how long Zoe and Phipps are taking, Jamie is about to go after them when an Ice Warrior stumbles upon the room in which they are hiding. He and Kelly attempt to take it down with the heat trap, but it seems that its power supply is depleted. All they can do is hide.

Fewsham spots Zoe and Phipps as they open the vent, and pretends not to notice, instead choosing to distract the Ice Warrior guarding him so that she can sneak past. However, the Ice Warrior turns as she tries to sneak back out. It guns down Phipps, then turns its weapon on her. Fewsham finally finds his backbone, trying to stop the Warrior. He’s no fighter, but luckily the rapidly increasing temperature overwhelms the foe. He assures Zoe that he will help her and her friends get back to Earth, and she slips back into the tunnels.

Meanwhile in the hideout, the Doctor picks the worst possible time to regain consciousness, alerting the Ice Warrior to the group’s presence. But the Ice Warrior is feeling a little hot under the collar, and soon collapses. They’re as sensitive to heat as I am.

ID: Jamie (white male, dark hair, young adult), the Doctor (white male, dark hair, middle-aged) and Zoe (white female, dark hair, young adult) stand in a glass box, similar to a phone booth.

Zoe makes it back to the group, and they all head back to the control room, free of Ice Warriors for the moment. They’ll have to be quick, all piling into the T-Mat booth. Fewsham beams them down, but chooses to stay behind. The others don’t understand why at first, but it becomes clear soon enough that he’s actually being brave. He’s spying on the Ice Warriors.

The others are back on Earth in the blink of an eye (the Doctor is quite disappointed by how boring the trip is), where things are not going well. Having killed the T-Mat control guards, the invading Ice Warrior is now wandering the complex, killing anyone who gets in its way. Its latest target is the Weather Control Station.

The Doctor is eager to start analysing the mysterious fungus rapidly spreading outside, and soon discovers that it contains a compound that absorbs oxygen very efficiently. And it’s very aggressive. A pod starts growing out of the sample, and the Doctor throws everything in the lab at it. The only thing that works…is water. Gosh, it would be a terrible pity for the Ice Warriors if they’d decided to use their water-vulnerable biological weapon against a planet where water covers about 70% of the surface.

Oh.

The Doctor in a science lab. There is various scientific equipment in the background. The Doctor stands in the midground, holding a flask and holding a handkerchief over his mouth and nose. He is looking at a flask on the table, which has a large white bubble growing out of it.

At least they thought to do something about the rain. That’s why they attacked the Weather Control Station. The rain has been cancelled for the foreseeable future.

Not realising there is nobody there, Zoe and Jamie go to tell the Weather Control people to bring down the mother of all rainstorms. What’s worse, they inadvertently lock themselves in with the Ice Warrior.

Meanwhile on the Moon, the Ice Warriors, pleased with Fewsham’s apparent loyalty to them, show him their communications device. They assure him that as long as he continues to serve them, he will be spared. The Warriors discuss the final phase of the invasion with their grand marshal, and unseen, Fewsham activates the video link with Earth.

Fewsham is surrounded by 4 Ice Warriors. He is standing behind a waist-high drum-shaped device with a screen set into the front.

Radnor and Kelly are preparing to launch a satellite to act as a relay to enable T-Mat to be controlled from Earth, albeit at a lower capacity. Fewsham’s transmission changes things, however. The Ice Warrior fleet will be following a signal from the device on the Moon in order to join up with the advance party. If that signal were to be muddled or interrupted, the fleet would miss the Moon and end up in orbit around the Sun (should I point out that the Sun is quite a lot further away than the Moon?). At the Doctor’s urging, Radnor and Kelly immediately start preparing the satellite to send out a false homing signal.

As for poor Fewsham, his act of bravery earns him the wrath of the Ice Warriors.

Half the battle is won! But there’s still the fungus to deal with. The Doctor’s horrified to learn the lone Warrior was last seen at the Weather Control Station, and he takes off as fast as his silly little run can take him.

The Doctor, up to his chest in foam and with his back to a metal wall, looks into the foam with a comical expression of shock and horror.

Finding the door locked, he hammers on it as he struggles against a sea of fungus. He pulls some terribly funny faces as the tide rises. All his banging and yelling distracts the Ice Warrior from hunting the still-trapped Jamie and Zoe, allowing them to escape their hiding spot. As Jamie leads the Warrior on a wild Scot chase, Zoe gets the door for the Doctor. He glides in majestically on a wave of foam… and promptly slips and goes head over heels.

Did I see Zoe laughing at him, or Wendy Padbury corpsing? Who’s to say.

Jamie meets back up with the group, and they all hide in the solar energy room as the Ice Warrior starts attempting to breach the radiation door. Radnor is sending a squad of guards, but will they get there in time?

For that matter, will they do any good? The answer, unfortunately, is no. Ballistic weapons seem to have no effect on the thick armour of the Warrior, and the squad are soon forced to retreat. However, the Doctor and Zoe have made good use of their time, converting a couple of energy cells into a portable heat gun. It makes short work of the Warrior.

The Doctor figures he can get the Weather Control working again by bypassing the control panel. It’s fiddly work, but he thinks he has it right. Probably.

The Doctor stands outside the T-Mat booth (glass and metal, like a phonebooth) holding his heat gun. He has a square solar energy pack attached to his shoulder, many wires draped around his neck, and has hemispherical metal dishes in each hand.

With the rain taken care of, the Doctor has one last little thing to do. Once the satellite is in orbit, he’s going to T-Mat himself to the Moon and destroy the Warriors’ homing device. He almost looks cool with the heat gun strapped to him, confidently getting into the T-Mat booth. Almost. This is still the Doctor we’re talking about.

Unfortunately he’s interrupted, and the Ice Warriors destroy his weapon. And it seems the device is still transmitting. The Ice Warriors decide to keep the Doctor alive for the time being— they still need someone to operate the T-Mat for them. And yet the Doctor doesn’t seem all that worried.

He has no reason to be. His plan has worked. The device is still transmitting yes—but only within the confines of the control room. The fleet, following the false signal, has missed the Moon entirely, and is rapidly heading towards the Sun, with no means of course correction.

The Ice Warriors are outraged at him for killing an entire fleet. The Doctor simply retorts that they tried to destroy an entire world.

The Doctor’s saved Earth, and now it's Jamie's turn to save the Doctor. Arriving in the nick of time to distract the Ice Warriors, the Doctor and Jamie finish off the last two with their own weapons and a power cable. They return to Earth as the rains start. This storm is going to be truly Biblical.

All that’s left for the people of Earth is to, uh, get T-Mat back up and running (with some safeguards this time) and otherwise go right back to how they were doing things before this whole fiasco started. Eldred points out that having access to alternative means of transportation would have made this whole situation a lot easier, but nobody seems to agree with him. Nobody other than the Doctor, but he isn’t sticking around to make any supporting arguments.

Naturally.

Yes, that sounds a fairly accurate assessment of humanity. We’re not very good at learning from our mistakes—or when we do, we take home the wrong lessons.

The Doctor (left) confronts an Ice Warrior (right). There's another Ice Warrior in the background.

 

The Right Lessons

Well, we got plenty to enjoy in the last half of the serial. Action! Suspense! Patrick Troughton pulling really funny faces! It’s a pity however, that the debate that drove the first half of the serial was forgotten towards the end. Even though old technology ended up saving the day, Radnor and Kelly never really acknowledge that fact. In the end, even the near-ending of the world couldn’t break through their arrogance.

That said, the old technology vs new technology conflict didn’t die entirely. I suppose you could say it moved to a different venue. It’s not just the humans who are over-reliant on new tech. It’s the Ice Warriors, too. See, space travel is good ol’ Newtonian physics, and physics is basically practical maths. It’s lots and lots of maths. When we engage in space travel, we don’t have homing signals to rely on, just cold hard sums. I can only assume that the Ice Warriors have all but forgotten how to do this. Why do difficult calculations when you can just blindly follow a signal? Unfortunately, as with T-Mat, this technology which makes travel so much easier is also subject to tampering. And now they’re too dead to have learned their lesson.

I’ve been a little confused over the past few serials as to how much of a pacifist the Doctor actually is. Sure, he states himself to be against violence, but he has absolutely killed people, both directly and indirectly. But I'm coming to think of it not as character inconsistency, but character development. When his adventures had much smaller stakes, or had other people nearby who were willing to do the dirty work, he certainly was a staunch pacifist. I don’t think I could have imagined William Hartnell’s Doctor using a heat gun like that. I think he’d be horrified at the new (well, not so new any more) Doctor for even thinking of it. That’s not to say that I think it was the wrong thing to do. Rather, I think the Doctor has learned that sometimes he doesn’t have good options. For him, pacifism is an ideal. It’s something he always aspires towards, but sometimes cannot reach.

Sometimes there is more at stake than his own morality.

The Doctor holds up two round metal dishes with lightbulbs in the middle.

And that, I think, brings me to another thing that the serial delves into: the nature of cowardice. There’s a lot to be afraid of in this story, and I think the serial makes clear that it’s perfectly all right to be afraid, as long as you still do the right thing. Look at the Doctor, he’s often frightened. Not just in this serial but in more or less all of his stories. Put him in a threatening situation and he’ll pull all sorts of faces while clinging to the nearest Scotsman for moral support. But he always steps up when there’s more at stake than his own safety. He might be a bit of a scaredy-cat, but he’s certainly no coward.

Nor is Phipps, who we see in the latter half of this serial is struggling to cope with the stress of the situation. While leading Zoe through the tunnels, he suffers an attack of nervous exhaustion. Zoe deals with it in her characteristic matter-of-fact manner. It’s not any kind of failing, it’s a symptom. They rest, he calms his nerves, and they get back to it. In his story, we see that even the bravest can only keep it up for so long—and that’s okay.

So what is cowardice? Surrendering to fear, and allowing others to come to harm in your stead. And that’s what we see with Fewsham. I cannot blame him for being scared, but I can blame him for collaborating with the Ice Warriors to save his own skin at the expense of his friends, colleagues, and the human race. And yet even for him, there’s a chance for redemption. He doesn’t have to somehow stop being scared, and he never does. To his dying moment, he’s terrified. But he does the right thing, and that makes all the difference. He might have spent most of the story a coward, but he doesn’t die as one.

Fewsham (left) talks to the Doctor (right).

Final Thoughts

That was fun, even if nobody learned anything. But having given it thought, I don’t think it matters. These people are not real. The lesson isn’t for them. The lesson is for us.

Not that there are many world leaders eagerly tuning into a low-budget science fiction serial for moral lessons. (Except Lizzie in Buck House. I bet she loves it.)

But this is a programme aimed at young minds, and I think it is trusting them to watch and listen thoughtfully. By not allowing the characters to come to a definite verdict, it invites the young audience to consider for themselves. Hopefully they will draw some useful conclusions, and perhaps one day avoid the mistakes of an imagined future.

4 stars out of 5 for "The Seeds Of Death".




[February 10, 1969] Beam Me Up! (Doctor Who: The Seeds Of Death [Parts 1-3])


By Jessica Holmes

It’s not every day that you come across a title equally applicable to a Doctor Who serial and a PSA about the dangers of cannabis, but look what we have here: "The Seeds Of Death". With Brian Hayles back in the writer’s chair and a return to the base-under-siege format, do we have a good story sprouting, or a dud?

Let’s take a look.

The Doctor (left, middle-aged, white, dark hair) examines a model rocket while Eldred (right, upper middle-aged, grey hair, balding, white) looks on.

In Case You Missed It

"The Seeds Of Death" is set in Earth’s future, where technology has progressed to the stage that humanity can transport themselves and their goods around the world in the blink of an eye. The system’s called T-Mat. Think, ‘Beam me up, Scotty!’ (Before the Trekkies get me, let me state for the record that I am fully aware that nobody ever actually says that.) Essential to the operation is their moon-base, which itself can only be reached by T-Mat, because humanity in its wisdom has abandoned conventional space travel. Gee, wouldn’t it be awful if something were to happen to it?

Say, for example…an alien invasion?

Enter the Doctor. Arriving on Earth in a museum dedicated to the history of space travel, he soon runs into its curator, Professor Eldred (Philip Ray). Eldred, an ex-rocket scientist, is less than friendly at first, but warms up once the Doctor unleashes his inner dorkness. It really is endearing.

ID: Radnor, left, looks over Kelly's shoulder, right. Radnor is a middle aged man in overalls. Kelly is a young blonde woman. Both are white.

Meanwhile at the T-Mat London base, T-Mat operators Commander Radnor (Ronald Leigh-Hunt) and Gia Kelly (Louise Pajo) grow uneasy about their sudden inability to contact the moon-base and the interruption in service. If they want to check up on their moon-bound colleagues, they’re going to have to find alternative transport. But in a world where traditional space travel is obsolete, where might they find a rocket ship?

Why, a museum of course.

The pair visit Eldred’s museum, and get a bit of an icy reception. There’s no love lost between ex-colleagues Eldred and Radnor. Eldred is understandably a bit miffed about his life’s work being rendered obsolete, and therefore refuses to help Radnor with his T-Mat troubles.

ID: Professor Eldred speaks to Commander Radnor. Kelly stands between them. There is a model rocket in the foreground.

However, at that moment a transmission arrives from the Moon. The technicians attempt to tell their colleagues what’s happened, but they’re caught red-handed by their captors, the Ice Warriors, and cut off. Of the three still-living technicians on the base, one is killed on the spot, another flees, and the third agrees to help the Ice Warriors to save his own skin.

Not knowing the full details but realising that something is very wrong, the Doctor attempts to persuade Eldred to allow Radnor and Kelly to make use of his prize exhibit: an (almost) functioning rocket ship. Radnor offers whatever resources are necessary to get it space-worthy, but Eldred is still reluctant to help.

As for the obvious question, why not take the TARDIS? The Doctor doesn’t exactly have a good track record on piloting it. He’d probably miss the moon by a million miles—or a million years. However, he knows enough about rocket ships that he could pilot one to the moon, and his friends could help. Radnor and Kelly are understandably concerned about their would-be astronauts. You’ve got the bloke who looks like he just walked off the set of the Three Stooges, a teenage girl, and a man who seems to have only recently learned of the very existence of rocket ships.

It doesn’t inspire confidence.

And they don’t even have spacesuits for their amateur astronauts.

Or helmets.

Nevertheless, they get the rocket space-worthy (ish) extraordinarily quickly and the ship blasts off, almost immediately losing communications with Earth.

ID: Left-Right: Zoe (late teens, dark hair, white), the Doctor, Jamie (early 20s, dark hair, white). All three are seated in a small cockpit. All three are wearing headphones. All three have looks of discomfort on their faces.
Extreme g-forces might not be comfortable, but they do result in very funny facial expressions.

Speaking of Earth, the Earth side of the emergency T-Mat link comes back online, though all they can do is send something to the Moon. Taking the hint (and failing to consider the potential dangers), Kelly immediately sends herself and a few extra men to lend help.

The Ice Warriors remain hidden, and their collaborator, Fewsham (Terry Scully), meets her when she arrives, telling her that his commander went mad and destroyed the T-Mat system. He needs her help to repair it, and of course she’s only too happy to oblige.

Meanwhile the escapee, Phipps (Christopher Coll), rigs up a radio transmitter and tries to contact Earth again, instead finding the Doctor, and he’s able to help guide him into landing the rocket as he explains to him about the invasion.

Kelly soon gets T-Mat back up and running, learning too late that she’s just played straight into the hands (claws?) of the Ice Warriors, who immediately kill her assistants. Unable to T-Mat herself back to Earth, she flees into the bowels of the moon-base.

ID: Kelly confronts an Ice Warrior while Fewsham cowers behind her.

The Doctor meets up with Phipps, and quickly comes to the conclusion that in order to stop this invasion going any further, he has to put T-Mat out of action permanently.

He tells Jamie as much, and to get the rocket ready for takeoff. Unfortunately the rocket motors– I’m sorry, motors? I thought rockets didn’t have motors. It’s essentially a tube sitting on top of an explosion. They’re simultaneously very simple and hideously complicated.

Anyway. The rocket motors are out of commission. Jamie and Zoe go to look for the Doctor, and instead find Phipps and Kelly. Phipps shows Jamie, Zoe and Kelly his method for dealing with any Ice Warriors who come across him: a heat-trap, channelling the base’s solar power to a small area to effectively melt them.

The Doctor stands with his back to a wall, looking apprehensive. In the foreground, obscured, are a pair of Ice Warriors at either side of the shot, framing him.

As for the Doctor, he infiltrates the Ice Warriors by using the tried and true method of acting so completely pathetic that even a Dalek would probably offer him a blanket and a nice cup of tea.

He learns that the Ice Warriors have a purpose in mind with the T-Mat. They need to use it to send something around the world. Seeds. Exploding seeds. Seeds…of death! (Insert thunderclap here.)

One blows up in the Doctor’s face as he tries to examine it, knocking him unconscious.

And then the Ice Warriors send a seed to London…

The Doctor stands alone, examining a small white sphere in the palm of his hand.

Incuriosity and Obsolescence

So, there’s a pretty obvious theme emerging in this serial: obsolescence of old technology, and the dangers of new technology making us complacent.

Though the T-Mat system is undoubtedly more efficient than any conventional means of transportation, in entirely abandoning old methods, humanity has rendered global infrastructure frighteningly fragile. Planes, trains and automobiles? No thanks, say the people of future Earth. Never has it been easier to get medical supplies and food aid where it’s most needed, but with the T-Mat system down, millions are now at risk of death. And by the end of the serial it appears to have only been out of action for a day or two at the most. How much longer can society hold itself together?

ID: A rocket launch pad. There is a rocket at the centre, and radar dishes off to the side.

Humanity in this serial is perilously short-sighted. It shows in their approach to global infrastructure, and it also shows in their attitude to the concept of space travel and exploration. Radnor and Kelly respect Eldred’s work in the field of space travel, but as a stepping stone to the creation of T-Mat, rather than for its own sake. In viewing the current T-Mat system as the endpoint of all advancements in transportation, they’re missing the potential of combining rocket travel with T-Mat. Sure, rocket travel is comparatively slow and expensive, but you’d only need to go somewhere once to set up a T-Mat booth, then you’d be able to come and go as you pleased. The possibilities are limitless. Off-world colonisation? Easy peasy. No need to worry about the practicalities of getting building supplies and colonists to Pluto if you can just zap them there. Scientific exploration? You could pop over and collect some samples from Mars and be home in time for tea. Resources? There are many large, metallic asteroids in our Solar System. Set up shop there, with instant transportation of materials to and from Earth, and you’ve got a licence to print money. And maybe you can give Earth a break from having chunks gouged out of her, to boot.

These ideas are the product of a layperson giving the topic a good five minutes of thought. Smarter people could probably come up with more. By assuming our latest innovations are the furthest we can possibly go in a particular area, we close ourselves off to new opportunities.

Radnor stands behind Eldred, addressing him with a stern look. Eldred is looking away with a look of consternation. Kelly is visible in the background.

This is the crux of the character conflict here. Radnor and Kelly see Eldred as old-fashioned, but if anything they’re more stuck in their ways. There is a sense of practicality to the point of troubling incuriosity in the pair of them. They have no interest in rocket travel beyond their immediate need. Will they rediscover their curiosity by the end of the serial, or will short-term thinking prove the end of space travel—and maybe even the human race?

ID: The Moon and Earth as seen from orbit. The Moon is only lit along the edge, and is in the foreground. Earth is half-lit, in the background.

Final Thoughts

I’m enjoying this serial so far. It’s a base-under-siege, but decent enough. It’s at least using the format to have an interesting discussion about the advantages and disadvantages of rapidly advancing technology. And I suppose it has been a while since we last had a serial in this format, so I can’t complain. The format wasn’t really the issue, just its overuse.

However, the story does also suffer from a couple of real problems. Too often does the plot slam to a halt for a character to explain what the audience could easily enough infer from the events on-screen. Stage setting is good, but not at the expense of the story.

ID: A storage room. A man hides from an Ice Warrior. He is directly behind it and not well hidden.
He's behind you! Ice Warriors apparently can't turn their heads.

Also a pain is the blatant padding. There are more than a few scenes that go nowhere, which I struck from my summary because they really didn’t matter in terms of plot or character development. Scenes that are dull to watch are dull to write about, and there are unfortunately a few of those sprinkled throughout.

All that said, I’m mostly enjoying it. We’ve got some interesting characters (I’ll give you my full thoughts of them once the serial is over) and some cracking music to set the mood. With the action starting to pick up, I have high hopes for the latter half of this serial to be stronger than the beginning.

But we’ll have to wait and see.




[December 18, 1967] God Out Of The Machine (Doctor Who: The Ice Warriors [Part 2])


By Jessica Holmes

Another year draws to a close, and so does this serial. Let’s take a closer look at the ending of The Ice Warriors.

EPISODE FOUR

As the Ice Warriors train their cannon on Victoria, I have to wonder: how do they do anything with those great big digger-game claws of theirs?

While I’m pondering this, the Ice Warriors decide that Victoria is more useful as live bait than dead meat, and refrain from killing her. At the Doctor’s urging, Victoria makes a run for it, with an Ice Warrior in…  lukewarm pursuit.

Waddling like people from a Fisher Price set.

Desiring to find out what kind of reactor the Ice Warrior ship has (as Victoria had no idea what she was looking at), the Doctor decides to go have a look for himself, taking a vial of ammonium sulphide with him for protection.


The Doctor invents a new drinking game: take a shot every time Victoria gets captured.

I enjoy how blasé he is about the idea of getting deliberately captured. After the billionth time being taken captive by the baddie of the week, it probably gets a bit dull. Still, at least he probably has his recorder to keep him amused.

Meanwhile, Victoria continues to run from the Ice Warrior. Perhaps she would move faster if she wasted less oxygen screaming her lungs out. It’s not doing her much good, and it’s not making the already unstable glacier any safer.

Not for the Ice Warrior, anyway. Just as it catches up to her, a well-timed avalanche buries the pair of them, killing the Warrior and trapping Victoria.

Jamie meanwhile starts to recover from his injury, but to his distress discovers that the alien weapon has left him paralysed from the waist down. Penley and Storr, concerned for the lad, debate how best to help him. Storr has the bright idea of befriending the aliens and asking for their help—‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ and all that. Well, I can’t fault a chap for wanting to see the best in people. Even when those people are eight feet tall and have a violent streak.


Nice pants.

Storr heads out onto the ice with Penley chasing after him, and both find something unexpected. Storr finds Victoria, and Penley finds the Doctor. Upon learning from Victoria that the aliens want to destroy the scientists’ base, Storr is even more eager to make their acquaintance.

Unfortunately, the Ice Warriors do not share his eagerness to work together. Already angry with Victoria for running away and costing him one of his warriors, Varga sees no use for Storr, and kills him before he even gets a chance to ask about some help for Jamie. Not that Varga would have given it.

To amend my previous statement: I can’t fault a man for being trusting, but I can fault him for trying to conspire to blow up a load of people because he doesn’t like them.

And it looks like Victoria is back at square one. I think of plot threads like this as a walk around the block. It might look like you’re going places and doing things, but you just end up back where you started with sore feet.

Meanwhile, the Doctor has a look at Jamie, and assures him that he will regain the use of his legs—as long as he gets some proper medical care and supervision. A reluctant Penley agrees to take Jamie back to the base while the Doctor goes ahead to meet with the Warriors.

Things get off to a rocky start on that front. The Ice Warriors are good enough to open the exterior airlock at the Doctor’s knock, but then seal him inside, demanding to know who he is… under threat of explosive decompression!

EPISODE FIVE

In true Doctor fashion, he gets out of the situation by giving the Ice Warriors an absolute non-answer. He’s a ‘scientist’.

I wouldn't count that as a valid response, but apparently it's good enough for the Ice Warriors, who let him in.

Meanwhile, Penley and Jamie run into trouble as they traverse the wilderness, as they hear the not-so-distant howl of wolves…before coming face to face with a bear.

Awwww.

Oh, I mean ‘oh no, how scary!’

Luckily, Penley manages to stun it.

The Ice Warriors start asking the Doctor tricky questions, beginning to realise that he’s not really here to offer help, but to spy, and confiscate his communication device.. The Doctor warns them that sooner or later the base will have to use the Ioniser, whatever the consequences. Back at base, Clent takes his meaning. But what if the Ioniser makes the alien ship blow up? The contamination could be disastrous. But if he doesn’t use the ioniser, the glacier will advance and Europe will be consumed by ice.

Unsure of what to do, he puts the question to the computer. And the computer doesn’t know. Being purely logical, it’s risk-averse, and tells him to wait for more information. Realising the computer is no help, Clent decides to… uh… do as it says and wait around.

I thought he was gearing up for a big impressive leadership moment, but it looks like he was just being pompous.

Threatening to kill Victoria, the Ice Warriors start asking what the base’s power source is. Though she protests not to tell them, the Doctor says they’ll find what they need at the base.

These Ice Warriors are extremely accepting of evasive answers, aren’t they?

Satisfied, the Ice Warriors immediately begin planning to attack the base, to which Victoria protests ‘you can’t be so inhuman!’

Gee, what gave it away, Victoria? Was it the hissing, the scales, or the fact they’re literally from Mars?

Penley and Jamie make it to the base, where Clent is not exactly pleased to see his ex-colleague. The dynamic between Clent and Penley is actually my favourite part of this entire serial. There’s a real sense of mutual resentment, betrayal, and a heaping helping of bitterness.

They’re like a couple of divorcees.

It doesn’t take long before they’re at each others’ throats, and a heated argument quickly devolves into a scuffle, resulting in Penley and Jamie getting stunned and locked away in a recovery room.

Honestly, the human dynamics in this serial are more interesting to me than the alien threat. It’s a while since we’ve had a serial without any aliens or robots or whatnot. Perhaps we could do with a few more from time to time?

The Ice Warriors prepare to assault the base, and Victoria’s incessant wailing for once comes in useful, providing a cover for the Doctor to whisper his plan to her.

Of course, it doesn’t really help that she keeps halting her sobs to whisper back to him.

Somehow, their guard doesn’t notice.

The Doctor’s plan more or less consists of throwing his vial of ammonium sulphide at the floor and hoping the alien likes it less than he and Victoria will. See, ammonium sulphide is better known…as a stink-bomb. Because it stinks.

Also it’s highly flammable, corrosive, and toxic.

Probably not the best thing to be dropping in a confined space.

Silly ideas like this are what happen if you get all your escape tactics from the Beano.

He who smelt it dealt it.

EPISODE SIX

The Ice Warriors fire on the base, but show restraint, offering Clent the opportunity to surrender. Clent, of course, is defiant, but not stupid. Not in this circumstance, anyway. He offers to speak with Varga, promising no traps or conditions.

Unaware that the Doctor and Victoria are on the cusp of escaping, Varga agrees, taking his remaining warriors with him.

Clent’s command begins to slip, however, as I’m not the only one frustrated with his lack of direct action and insistence on obeying the computer. One of the scientists even tries to destroy it, though it doesn’t go well for him. Not about to give up, he tries to attack the Ice Warriors when they arrive, resulting in a swift death. Alas, poor guy-whose-name-I-didn’t-pay-attention-to.

Varga demands the base’s mercury isotopes. One problem. The base doesn’t have mercury isotopes. Varga decides to power down the reactor (and with it, the Ioniser) and take a look for himself.  Clent continues to impotently protest, but given that he’s about as much use to Varga as a chocolate teapot, it’s only Varga’s mercy keeping him alive right now. He’d better stop testing him.

As for the Doctor, he’s doing mischief as usual, tampering with the Warriors’ sonic cannon to make it resonate with water more. He assumes (and I’d love to know what made him come to this conclusion) that the Ice Warriors have a higher water content in their bodies. He reckons that it should knock the Warriors out and give the humans a nasty headache.

Or it might kill them.

Penley has his own idea for dealing with the Ice Warriors, turning up the heating to the point that it becomes very uncomfortable for them, and the Doctor risks using the cannon. The Ice Warriors certainly don’t enjoy that. Oddly enough, they remain conscious, while the humans are knocked out.

And yet the aliens still retreat, with the humans entirely at their mercy.

Am I just tired, or does this not make sense?

The Doctor and Victoria hurry back to the base, finding the inhabitants unconscious but otherwise unharmed by the look of it. Meanwhile, Varga and his crew return to their ship.

The scientists start powering the ioniser back up again, but Clent is fearful of using it on what he now knows (thanks to the Doctor) is the alien ship’s ion reactor.

The computer of course tells him not to do it. It’s time for a human to make a decision around here—but Clent isn’t up to the task, nor is his second-in-command, who is even more fanatically devoted to the computer than he is.

If you listen closely, you can hear the writer screaming at you that overreliance on technology is bad.

You might have noticed I haven’t mentioned Victoria in a while. That’s because she simply disappears from the plot after she and the Doctor leave the ship.

With Clent going to pieces, Penley takes over, coolly directing the scientists to increase the Ioniser to full strength. When questioned about the possibility of the Ice Warriors breaking free of the ice, he simply replies that at full power, the Ioniser can melt rock.

Not realising that their number is up, the Ice Warriors frantically try to find a little bit of power for their ship to take off. It looks like they might manage it as their control panels start to light up…and then to their horror they realise that it’s not power that’s making them do that. It’s heat.

A small explosion spares them a terribly drawn-out death by roasting, which would be rather dark for teatime television.

With the scientists very relieved to find that Penley’s risk paid off and that they’re not dead, Clent admits a grudging respect for him. It looks like they might reconcile their differences after all.

Not that the Doctor will be around to see it. In typical fashion, he and Jamie (now back on his own two feet) slink off to the TARDIS while everyone else is distracted, off to the next adventure.

Final Thoughts

So, that was The Ice Warriors! Is it just another ‘base-under-siege’ plot or is it something more? Hmm… yes and no. It certainly has ambitions to be something more.

I’ll start with the Ice Warriors themselves.

They were fine, but there’s nothing about them that I can extrapolate into a philosophical ramble. They’re just quite standard and not especially interesting. As I said, the humans in this are a lot more interesting, particularly Penley and Clent—especially when you put them in a room together. The actors have great chemistry, and I have no doubt the characters have a long and storied past.

As I said, they are just like a divorced couple.

Now, onto something a bit meatier.

It’s ever so subtle, but there’s a recurring theme of overreliance on computers for decision-making being a bad thing. Subtle… as a sonic cannon to the face.

“We trust the computer. It is our strength and our guide.”

You might forget they’re talking about a machine and not a deity.

Technological reliance and religious fanaticism, in this future, seem one and the same. That’s a pretty interesting notion, and I see where the writer is coming from. There’s a definite decline in mainstream religion these days, but that’s not to say that people are turning away from belief itself– quite the opposite, really. They’re just turning to other avenues in their search for an elusive higher power. Who’s to say that one day we won’t make our own?

Ultimately, it’s a Humanist fable. Nothing magically changed to enable the resolution of the plot. The dilemma presented didn’t suddenly offer a simple solution. The humans survived through faith in themselves—not in a Deus Ex Machina.

3.75 stars out of 5.




[November 28, 1967] Aliens On Ice (Doctor Who: The Ice Warriors [Part 1])


By Jessica Holmes

After their run in with a bunch of snowmen, the TARDIS team are gonna have to keep their cool—this time, they’re up against The Ice Warriors. This story comes from Brian Hayles, who previously gave us The Celestial Toymaker.

EPISODE ONE

The episode opens on a glacier. We can immediately tell we’re in the far future by the music that opens up the episode. It’s either a theremin (the most futuristic of instruments) or a woman doing a really good impression of one. In the future, all music will sound like this: oooOOOooo

Amidst all the ‘oo’ing, we have Earth caught in the grip of a second ice age. Keeping the advancing glaciers at bay is a network of scientific bases manning ‘ioniser’ devices. However, one of those bases is about to fail–and about to lose Europe to the ice.

The Doctor makes a bumpy landing when he first arrives, with the TARDIS toppling over on an ice floe. So, he can’t steer and he can’t park. Does the Doctor even have a licence to drive this thing? Well, he might take a bit more care in future, as getting OUT of the toppled TARDIS proves a painful (but funny) endeavour.

His companions are amazed by, of all things, the plastic dome protecting the base from the elements. There’s plenty of plastic inside the TARDIS, I don’t know what’s so special about more of it. Shinier, I suppose.

They couldn’t have chosen a better time to pop in, as the Doctor immediately realises how close the equipment is to failing. A timely bit of gung-ho meddling (the Doctor’s specialty) saves the base’s ioniser from going kaput, and gives us a chance to meet a few characters. Inside the base, we’ve got the leader, Clent (Peter Barkworth), a man whose ambition and overreliance on the computer to tell him what to do outstrips his actual ability to lead. Under him is a very enthusiastic senior scientist/amateur archaeologist Arden (George Waring), who at this moment is leading an expedition on the ice, and he’s made a discovery that might rewrite human history: an ancient warrior, long buried in the ice!

He’s not alone on the ice, though. Out in the cold we’ve also got Penley (Peter Sallis), a maverick scientist who defected from the base for whatever reason, and his pal Storr (Angus Lennie), who is…there to give Penley someone to talk to, I suppose. They don’t do much at the moment other than skulk around and discuss the other characters, providing helpful (if a bit transparent) plot explanation.

Clent recruits the Doctor as his new head scientist (to replace Penley), and we soon learn that a sudden drop of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere brought on this wee cold snap. And we have nobody to blame but ourselves. We went and made plants obsolete by making artificial food to feed the rapidly expanding population, which for some reason caused a drop in carbon dioxide levels. It wasn’t until later that I suddenly realised this does not actually make sense. Plants breathe IN carbon dioxide and breathe OUT oxygen.

This is primary school stuff.

Oh, and if the base fails and the glaciers advance over Europe, not only will people die but it will upset the balance of power! However will the world cope without we Europeans to boss them around?!

Arden brings his ice warrior in from the cold, and the Doctor soon notices that the warrior’s helmet has some sort of electrical wiring on it. This is no ancient Earth warrior, not with that level of technology. He goes to warn the base’s leaders, leaving Jamie and Victoria alone to banter about the scandalously skimpy (by Victorian standards) outfits the base’s ladies are wearing. Jamie approves (typical bloke), while Victoria is appalled (typical Victorian). And she certainly has no intention of wearing anything like that, much to Jamie’s disappointment. It’s a fun little moment, rudely interrupted by a frosty fighter waking up from his nap.

We’re off to a fun start here! The chemistry between the TARDIS crew is bubbling nicely, and the setting is pretty interesting.

EPISODES TWO AND THREE

Unfortunately we had some bad weather the couple of weeks these episodes were on, and my reception was so spotty I ended up missing a lot of them. However, I’ve managed to piece together a fairly cohesive overview from my own notes and the notes some friends made. Bearing that in mind, let’s continue.

The Ice Warrior’s got up on the wrong side of bed for sure.  The first thing he does upon waking up is knock Jamie out and abscond with Victoria.

Meanwhile, the Doctor is trying to sell the base’s commanders on his ‘alien astronaut’ theory about the warrior’s origins. They’re prepared to accept the idea, and become eager to continue excavating. Where there’s an astronaut, there’s a spaceship, and where there’s a spaceship, there might be a reactor that could restore their ioniser to full power.

Elsewhere in the base, the Warrior asks Victoria how long he was buried in the ice. The Warrior, Varga (Bernard Bresslaw, who you might know from the Carry On… films), explains that he’s from Mars. His ship crashed, and he and his crew were buried in an avalanche. He tells her that he intends to retrieve them and return to the red planet.

Pretty reasonable I’d say, Jamie-clobbering aside. Then again, if I was knocked out in an avalanche and woke up in an unfamiliar location a few millenia later, I might panic and do something silly like that too.

It’s quite annoying trying to understand him, though. He has this rather grating habit of hissing between (hiss) every (hiss) word (hisssss…).

Which he delivers in a hoarse whisper.

Someone should offer him something to drink.

Having woken up from his involuntary nap, Jamie accompanies Arden onto the glacier to search for the Warrior’s craft. There’s a bit of pointless meandering as they go back and forth to retrieve excavation equipment.

Meanwhile, Varga makes Victoria help him find a power pack, so that he can wake his buddies up with a little electric shock.

Clent walks in on the pair of them, so Varga knocks him out and runs off with Victoria. He doesn’t have much of an excuse this time. That’s just rude.

Taking Victoria out onto the ice, Varga immediately sets about thawing out the rest of his crew. Soon one Ice Warrior becomes five. Rather than saying thank you to the nice lady and jetting off back to Mars (it’s a bit chilly this time of eon), the Ice Warriors start talking about setting a trap. It’s like an asthma convention with all this rasping.

And Jamie and Arden walk straight into the Ice Warriors' ambush. Arden takes the brunt of the blast, killing him, and knocking Jamie unconscious (again).

Poor Jamie’s brain can’t be doing well from all these knockouts.

Watching all this from a distance, the runaway scientist Penley decides to intervene. Waiting for the Ice Warriors to retreat with a hysterical Victoria, he drags Jamie back to his base in a plant museum (of all things).

Taking a break from acting all damsel-in-distress-ish, Victoria finds her initiative and sneaks away from her captors. She retrieves Arden’s communication device and manages to contact the Doctor, who is aghast to learn of Arden’s death and Jamie’s uncertain fate. However, the Ice Warriors have noticed her absence…and are about to use her for target practice.

Final Thoughts

So far, I’m enjoying The Ice Warriors…in between the dull bits, at least. Once again we have this issue of scenes being egregiously padded out in order to stretch the length of the episodes. The plot becomes like butter scraped over too much bread.

As far as the general overarching structure of the plot, it looks like we’ve got another of those serials where a small group of people in an isolated location are under attack from the Big Bad Monsters outside. A base-under-siege, basically. It’s a solid standard plot, though I hope it doesn’t become too overused. There have been a few Doctor Who serials (especially under Troughton) that use this as the basis of their story. Just swap out the setting and the monster, and they begin to look suspiciously similar.

Still, I’m looking forward to seeing how this wraps up. I’ll check in with you all again next month to conclude The Ice Warriors.




[October 4, 1966] The Real Treasure Was The Friends We Made Along The Way (Doctor Who: The Smugglers)

By Jessica Holmes

It’s been a long couple of months, but Doctor Who is back, and so am I! Did you miss me?

I had heard rumours that William Hartnell was thinking about hanging up the TARDIS keys, but with a new series I think we can safely say those rumours are a load of tosh. I for one am very pleased– both because I enjoy the show, and because I'd be out of a job!

Though I do appreciate them, a pure historical story is an odd choice to start off a new series. Let’s be honest. Kids are not watching Doctor Who for the often fairly dry historicals. They’re watching for the bug-eyed monsters. Still, this story by Brian Hayles has pirates in it, and what kind of kid doesn’t like pirates? What's more, for the first time ever we have a woman in the director's chair, Julia Smith. Well, the kids might not care much about that, but I do.

Last time we saw the Doctor, we said a rather abrupt goodbye to companion Dodo, and said hello to Ben (Michael Craze) and Polly (Anneke Wills). Let’s see how they got along on their first adventure: The Smugglers.

EPISODE ONE

For heaven’s sake, I thought to myself when sitting down to watch this episode. My first story back, and the flipping telly’s on the fritz. Again.

Following the Doctor’s discovery of his two stowaways (he has a bit of a temper tantrum) and the obligatory expositional rundown of what the TARDIS is, the Doctor and company arrive in a cave in Cornwall in the 17th century. The BBC has seen fit to allow the cast and crew some fresh air and sunlight, filming much of the serial on location on the Cornish coast.

Exiting the cave, the trio make their way up to a nearby church, where they meet the warden, a suspicious fellow by the name of Longfoot (Terence De Marney).  Longfoot is wary of the three. He's guarding a secret: the true location of Captain Henry Avery’s buried treasure. The Doctor soon earns his trust with a little free medical aid. With the tide coming in, the trio intend to find a nearby inn. Before they depart, Longfoot warns them to be on their guard. He then says something quite peculiar to the Doctor: “This is Dead Man’s secret key: Smallwood, Ringwood, Gurney.”

Unseen by anyone, a bald man watches them from the bushes. After the Doctor and friends depart, the man emerges and follows Longfoot into the church, taking out a large knife.

The Doctor and company get a room at the inn, finding that the patrons are as rough as Lightfoot warned them. For Polly’s own safety, she pretends to be a young man. I suppose there weren’t many opticians in the 17th century, as nobody calls her paper-thin disguise into question. Maybe men were just prettier back then.

Back at the church the bald bloke, Cherub (George A. Cooper), confronts Longfoot. He demands to know where Avery’s gold is hidden. Longfoot refuses to talk, and in anger Cherub buries a knife in his back. You’d think a pirate would know that dead men tell no tales. Nor do they give you tips on where to look for buried treasure.

Longfoot’s body is discovered some time later, and the innkeeper, Kewper (David Blake Kelly), sends for the local Squire to come and act as magistrate. Cherub then arrives at the inn with a bunch of ruffians and demands to speak to the Doctor, having witnessed him talking to Longfoot. Though Ben and Polly try to defend him, Cherub and his ruffians manage to knock the Doctor unconscious and cart him off (literally).

Cherub’s long gone by the time the Squire (Paul Whitsun-Jones) and his stupid wig arrive. With no other likely suspects around, and Ben and Polly refusing to tell him who they are, he has the pair arrested for the murder of Longfoot.

Meanwhile, Cherub brings the Doctor aboard a ship, where he makes the acquaintance of one Captain Samuel Pike (Michael Godfrey) — a real pirate! He's got a hook for a hand and everything.

So far, the story is a perfectly decent but by-the-numbers pirate story. I keep expecting Long John Silver to limp in at any moment.

EPISODE TWO

The Doctor’s gift of the gab gets him out of a pickle when Pike and Cherub threaten to torture the secret of Avery’s treasure out of him. Laying the flattery on thick, he bargains for a share of the treasure in return for information.

Meanwhile, Polly comes up with a plan to get out of jail, but Ben has to help because there’s a rat between her and the hay she needs for the plan, and she’s scared of rats. We can’t have the womenfolk appearing to be too competent, can we? They might start getting ideas. To be fair, there’s a non-zero chance that it might be carrying the plague, so maybe she’s just being smart.

Ben and Polly trick their guard Tom (Mike Lucas) into believing they’re apprentices of the powerful wizard, the Doctor. Unless he lets them go, they’ll use a magical effigy to do some rather unpleasant things to him. It’s a superstitious time, so he actually falls for it.

The pair return to the church, where they subdue an intruder emerging from a secret tunnel in the crypt. Thinking this is the true murderer, Polly runs off to inform the Squire. It turns out that this man, Blake (John Ringham, who also played Tlotoxl back in The Aztecs), is actually a revenue officer investigating the local smuggling ring.

Kewper gets himself captured by Pike while trying to make a business deal with him, which gives Pike an idea. Donning his best Captain Hook costume, he and Cherub go to meet with the Squire. Their intention is to learn all they can about the smuggling operation, and rob them for everything they've got.

However, Polly arrives at the Squire’s house and immediately identifies Cherub as the man who kidnapped the Doctor. The Squire doubts her story, blinded by the magnificence of Pike’s luscious wig.

Still, the revenue officer might pose a real problem. The men head off to the church, dragging Polly with them.

This episode was a rather dull affair, I’m sorry to say. I often found my concentration slipping, though I did get a good laugh out of Pike’s ridiculous outfit.

EPISODE THREE

The group arrive at the crypt only for Ben to also point out that these are the pirates who abducted the Doctor, but the Squire still won’t have it. He has Cherub release the revenue officer, and orders Blake to arrest Ben and Polly.

Blake complies, only to immediately release Ben and Polly once they’re away from the rogues. Unlike the Squire, Blake has two brain cells to rub together. He makes plans to summon a militia so that he can intercept and detain the smugglers.

Meanwhile on the ship, the Doctor and Kewper realise they have to escape and warn the village of the impending pirate raid. The Doctor comes up with a cunning plan. It involves deception, reading ominous fortunes in a pack of cards, and Kewper hitting their guard Jamaica on the back of the head when he’s not looking. It's not subtle, but if it works, it works.

I think it's worth mentioning that Jamaica, played by Elroy Josephs, is the first black actor to appear on Doctor Who in a speaking role. It’s not a big part, but perhaps it is a sign of progress given the programme’s previous habit of slathering white actors in dodgy makeup.

He’s not around for long though, as once Pike finds out the prisoners are gone, he slays Jamaica in a fit of rage.

The Squire shows his pirate friends a little surprise at the church: he has a cache of valuable goods hidden in one of the tombs. Why he chooses to show this to the pirates I don’t know, because he wants them to drop their goods down on the beach. Methinks this chap is too trusting for his own good.

Having made his way back to the shore, the Doctor reunites with his friends, with Kewper accompanying him. However, upon seeing Blake he thinks the Doctor has led him into a trap. He flees, heading to the Squire’s house, where he is finally able to convince him that his new associates are untrustworthy pirates. They also realise that the pirates are after Avery’s treasure. Perhaps there’s an opportunity for profit?

Though Ben wants to go back to the TARDIS, the Doctor decides to stay, having a sense of obligation to prevent the pirates raiding the village. The group head up to the graveyard, reasoning that the smugglers will be coming through there. Ben and Polly start examining the old graves. Hearing some of the odd names scattered throughout the graveyard, the Doctor has a sudden realisation: ‘Dead Man’s Secret’… the treasure must be somewhere in the crypt!

Before they can make much progress in finding the treasure, the Squire arrives with Kewper. Kewper threatens the lives of Ben and Polly in an effort to force the Doctor to help him. The Squire intervenes, aghast at the idea of cold-blooded murder. While they’re bickering, Cherub arrives unseen and flings a knife into Kewper’s back.

The schemes are really starting to pile up at this point, and the serial is finally getting fun to watch. Shame it’s almost over.

EPISODE FOUR

A shot rings out. The Squire falls back, clutching his shoulder, injured but not dead, and very much regretting his involvement in the treasure hunt. Holding Polly at gunpoint, Cherub orders the Doctor to tell him where the treasure is.

The Doctor repeats the riddle for him, but there’s a discrepancy. Rather than Smallwood, one of the names they need to find is actually Smallbeer. The riddle we heard in the first episode was actually flubbed. I am surprised that nobody apparently caught this mistake earlier on. Perhaps there was no time or budget for a reshoot or over-dubbing the line.

Cherub recognises the names, and informs the Doctor that there’s another name hidden in the riddle, Deadman. The names belonged to members of Avery’s crew, and are hidden around the crypt.

Pike arrives with his band of pirates and shows them the cache hidden in the tomb. I couldn't think of when else to mention this note of trivia, so I'll put it here: one of the pirates, the Spaniard, is played by Doctor Who's stuntman and fight coordinator, Derek Ware.

While the crew are plundering the cache, Pike goes to the church to find Cherub. Discovering him in the crypt with the others, Pike thinks Cherub means to double-cross him– and he’s right. Cherub attempts to shoot his captain, but misses, leading the pair to start fighting. Meanwhile, Blake and his militia hurry to the village. Everything’s kicking off now.

The Doctor urges Ben and Polly to make a break down the tunnel to the TARDIS. Pike wins his duel with Cherub, dealing him a slow and apparently very painful death. The deaths in this serial, of which there are a lot, do seem rather more drawn out than is typical for Doctor Who. I can’t imagine being run through tickles, but it’s a bit grim for teatime television.

The Doctor makes Pike a new offer. He’ll give up his share of the gold and tell him where to look for it, as long as Pike keeps his crew away from the village.

Ben and Polly run into some trouble as they head back to the TARDIS, with Ben knocking out one pirate and the two struggling to subdue another, until Blake arrives to shoot the blaggard dead.

Following the clues, the Doctor and Pike find the treasure! Shame Pike will never get a chance to enjoy it. Blake’s militia has arrived. They begin to clash with the pirates, the crash of steel echoing off the stone walls of the crypt.

Pike tries to escape, only to find his egress cut off by Blake and Ben. The Squire finds his backbone and grapples Pike, holding him in place long enough for Blake to finish him off.

The Doctor and Ben slip back to the TARDIS. There’s quite a lot of bodies to clean up, and who can be bothered with all that? With the group back together, they note that everyone who sought after the treasure is now dead. All except for the Squire, who renounced his greed for the gold. Perhaps there really was something to that curse after all… or perhaps it’s more of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The TARDIS departs, and it doesn’t look like they’ll be back in London any time soon. As the temperature begins to plummet, the Doctor checks his scanner. They’ve landed in the coldest place in the world! I assume he means Antarctica.

Final Thoughts

Though the final episode was actually rather good and exciting, this serial suffers from something I’ve noticed in a lot of Doctor Who serials: a rather dull second act. It happens again and again. There’s one interesting episode followed by a bunch of rather dull ones. These sluggish episodes do a fine job of setting up the final episode, but fail to offer entertaining television in their own right. As adults, we can push through, but four weeks is an eternity to a child. I don’t think serials like this are able to hold their attention for that long.

As suspected from the first episode, the plot is a perfectly serviceable pirate story. There’s nothing wrong with it, per se. But I think even those with only a passing knowledge of pirate-related literature will find it all too familiar. There's a distinctive whiff of Treasure Island hanging over the whole thing.

On the bright side, I have taken a bit of a shine to the Doctor’s new companions Ben and Polly. Polly’s bright and resourceful, and Ben seems sweet, if a little rough around the edges. The important thing is that he’s got a good, brave heart. I think I’ll enjoy having these two around.

3 out of 5 stars



[April 24, 1966] Playtime’s Over (Doctor Who: The Celestial Toymaker)


By Jessica Holmes

We all have a different idea of the concept of ‘fun’. To me, ‘fun’ is a trip to Blackpool Pleasure Beach. I like a good rollercoaster. To others, ‘fun’ is watching a game of cricket. Strange but true. And to one peculiar individual, ‘fun’ is kidnapping people and making them play banal playground games under threat of eternal imprisonment and/or death.

To each one's own, I suppose.

Let’s take a look at The Celestial Toymaker.

THE CELESTIAL TOYROOM

As an aside before we begin, I am going to have to have a good look at my TV antenna. It was on the blink for much of the serial, so there’s every chance there are visual details in the plot that I may have missed.

We pick up where we left off last time: the TARDIS has landed in an uncertain time and place, and the Doctor is nowhere to be seen.

He's not gone walkabout, as you might expect.  We can still hear his voice, but he’s otherwise completely undetectable, both invisible and intangible. Unable to operate his ship, the Doctor decides to leave the TARDIS to investigate. What could have caused this?

Well, I have an idea. Enter the Celestial Toymaker.

Now, this might not be on purpose, but considering he’s dressed in the (rather splendid) garb of an Imperial Chinese bureaucrat, I think it’s worth pointing out the use of the word ‘celestial’. Besides the more obvious meaning, it's also an old term for Chinese people, and not a very polite one either. It originally stemmed from Imperial China being also called the ‘Celestial Empire’, and so people from China who came to other countries were called ‘celestials’. It’s fallen out of fashion in more recent years, and is now considered to be more of a slur. Of course, the writer might not have meant anything by it, but with the Toymaker being dressed the way he is I would think it prudent to have a little more care in choice of words. Or choice of fashion.

It’s not the most egregious bit of language in this serial, but it seemed worth discussing.

The Toymaker does certainly live up to the latter part of his name, his realm littered with a variety of playthings. And that's not all he can do. In an act of sadism against the viewer, he gives his clown dolls the spark of life.

The Doctor suddenly reappears upon exiting the TARDIS, and ignores Dodo’s excellent advice that they should get back in and leave. Then again, if he did the sensible thing, most episodes would finish before they even started.

Steven sees visions of his memories in the chest of a big wind-up toy robot (it makes about as much sense as everything to follow), and the Doctor realises that they’re in the realm of the Celestial Toymaker.

That clears that up.

And now for the fun and games! The Toymaker spirits the Doctor away, leaving the others to get acquainted with the obviously evil clowns. I’m not afraid of clowns but I don’t much care for them in general, and these two seem designed to push my buttons.

The Toymaker is bored, you see, and his guests are his new playmates, willing or no. Steven and Dodo are going to have to complete a series of challenges if they ever want to find the TARDIS again, and they’re going to have to do it before the Doctor completes a 1023-move puzzle. Oh, and if they lose, they’ll be trapped here as a toy… forever.

The Toymaker sets the Doctor off on his puzzle, a 10-piece version of a puzzle more commonly known as the Tower Of Hanoi, but here referred to as the Trilogic Game. How it’s played is not important, but we’re subjected to an explanation anyway.

Meanwhile, the clowns set up an obstacle course for the others. They’re going to have to make their way through without falling down, and they’re going to do it blindfolded.

The clowns go first, the male one (Joey) running the course as the other (Clara) guides him using a buzzer.

The Doctor tries to communicate with his companions and warn them that the Toymaker’s minions are likely to cheat, but the Toymaker cuts him off. As punishment, he dematerialises most of the Doctor's body, except for his hand, which he needs to move the pieces.

Back in the other room, the clowns finish the course, and Steven and Dodo have their turn. It’s hard enough for Dodo to guide Steven using buzzer signals in the first place, but Joey makes it even harder as he moves bits of the course around.

They’re also extremely annoying. I cannot overstate how annoying they are. Clara, for some reason, keeps eggs in her hair. That’s just plain unsanitary. Joey won’t stop tooting his horn (not a euphemism), greatly irritating Steven and also me. Then there’s Clara’s incessant giggling.

I’m just saying if Steven snapped and knocked their heads together, I wouldn’t blame him in the slightest.

I hope they’re not meant to be funny.

Distracted and misled, Steven ends up right back where he started, only for Dodo to discover that Joey’s blindfold is see-through. The clowns cheated! The pair force the clowns to run the course again, determined that they will have a fair game. Joey has a harder time of it this go around, and when he stumbles and falls, Clara slumps lifelessly over the controls, and a police box appears. Alas, it’s not the real TARDIS.

Steven and Dodo find a slip of paper with a riddle, and exit through the rear of the fake TARDIS, the clowns reverting to their original state as they leave.

Before the closing credits roll, the riddle flashes up on screen. I had hoped that this was so viewers could make a note of it and ponder the solution at home, but no. It’s pointless. I spent precious minutes of my life contemplating this, and for what?

Four legs,
No feet,
Of arms no lack,
It carries no burden on its back.
Six deadly sisters,
Seven for choice,
Call the servants without voice.

THE HALL OF DOLLS

The Doctor continues his game, and Steven shows off his problem-solving capabilities when he comes to a door that won’t budge. He tries everything: pushing, shoving, hitting, more pushing. Nothing seems to work.

Dodo tries pulling, and voila! The door opens.

The Doctor tries again to communicate with his companions, so the Toymaker takes his voice. Looks like Mr. Hartnell’s off on his holidays.

Steven and Dodo soon meet their next challengers: the King and Queen of Hearts. How very Lewis Caroll.

With the arrival of the King and Queen comes a pertinent question: are these challengers entirely products of the Toymaker’s imagination, or are they people in the exact same predicament as Steven and Dodo? Steven’s firmly in the former camp, whereas Dodo is in the latter. As for me? Well, I’m still mulling it over.

There’s also a Knave and a Joker but they’re not very important.

The group find two throne rooms, one with four thrones and the other with three. Seven in total. Seven for choice, in fact. They quickly realise that only one of these thrones is safe to sit on, and they have to find it to escape. But how to tell which is safe? Fortunately, there are a few cupboards in which Steven and Dodo find a number of life-sized dolls. The King and Queen catch up to them, and Dodo, seeing them as potential allies rather than rivals, explains that they can use the dolls to test the chairs.

Steven chastises her against talking to the pretend people, which the King and Queen don’t much appreciate. Each taking a doll, the King and Queen go to try the thrones in the other room, deciding to pick a chair to test at random.

And then the King recites Eeny Meeny Miney Mo. Specifically, the old version which unfortunately is still quite popular. For those not in the know, the old version contains an extremely racist word I shall not be repeating here. Suffice to say it begins with the letter N. Sadly, there are many in Britain who wouldn’t think twice about using that word.

I can’t claim to be surprised, as the BBC is no stranger to racist programming. An obvious example of that would be The Black-And-White Minstrel Show, which has been running on the BBC for a good long while now and doesn't seem likely to stop any time soon.

It just saddens me to think that there may be millions of British children out there who have just been told that this is an acceptable word to use. How long before it enters their vocabulary?

Words have power, and when one's words are being broadcast to around eight million viewers, as a writer one has a responsibility to choose them carefully.

That's about all I feel able to say on the matter, so I shall press on.

Picking a throne, the King throws a doll onto the seat, only for it to get its head rattled off.

In the other room, Dodo and Steven are arguing over whether they should be helping the King and Queen, as the royals believe there to be only four dolls, with Steven keeping the knowledge of the other three to himself.

The question of their humanity comes up again, with Steven asserting that they’re tools of the Toymaker, so the pair have to look out for themselves. Normally I would side with Dodo, who thinks they’re innocent victims of the Toymaker, but I am inclined to agree with Steven here. They just don’t strike me as real people. They’re archetypes. They’re a lot like their counterparts from Alice In Wonderland, with the timid, submissive King and the dominant Queen. It's a bit of a sexist dynamic and all.

Dodo and Steven try a couple of chairs with no luck, watched by the Knave. The Knave doesn’t do an awful lot, though he does go back to check up on the King, who (supposedly) jokingly offers him a seat.

The King runs out of dolls to use, so he and the Queen return to Steven and Dodo, where they learn about the additional dolls after trying to force the Fool to be their guinea pig.

Well, even if they are real people, they’re real prats.

Taking the last dolls with them, the King and Queen leave Steven and Dodo with only one chair left in the room, and nothing to test them with.

Dodo sits down… and it’s not the right chair.

There’s a tense moment where it seems that Dodo is about to die by freezing solid, but Steven manages to help her get free, moments from death.

All’s not lost yet, however. Back in the other room, the King and Queen run into difficulties when the Joker refuses to be their guinea pig. Deciding that if they’re going to go, they’ll go together, they choose a seat and both sit down. Nothing happens. It seems they got lucky.

Or not.

Steven and Dodo enter just as the chair collapses under them. Not that lucky.

The Doctor’s companions use the last chair, and another fake TARDIS appears. The Toymaker gives them a ring on the TARDIS phone, and offers them a clue to their next game, and a way out, through a passage lined with life-sized ballerina dolls.

This week’s clue is:

Hunt the key, to fit the door
That leads out on the dancing floor,
Then escape the rhythmic beat,
Or you’ll forever, tap your feet.

I don’t know what annoys me more: the bizarre comma placement or the fact that these aren’t actually riddles that the audience can solve. Well, this isn’t even a riddle really, more rhyming instructions.

Why are they showing these at the end of the episodes?

THE DANCING FLOOR

Past the ballerinas, Steven and Dodo stumble upon a kitchen, where they meet some more of the Toymaker’s playthings, Mrs Wiggs the cook and Sgt. Rugg. These two are supposed to be funny, I think.

Per the rhyming instructions, Steven and Dodo start searching for the key to the dancing floor, which is just next door. The Sgt. and Mrs Wiggs’ antics quickly irritate Steven, who manages to hold his temper at the urging of Dodo. Again, I really can’t blame him. There are few things more annoying than an unfunny ‘comedic’ character.

Of course everything I say is pure comedic gold, so I can speak as an authority on that.

The Doctor keeps trying to slow his progress in the game to buy the others more time, but the Toymaker won’t have it, artificially skipping the game ahead dozens of moves at a time.

With a bit of buttering-up from Dodo, the Sgt. agrees to help the pair out in their search, but quickly runs afoul of the cook, who doesn’t appreciate the destruction he’s wreaking in her kitchen.

Like the previous challenges, this is painfully tiresome to watch.

We’re eventually put out of our misery when Dodo realises they haven’t looked inside the pie on the kitchen table, and plunging a hand into the pastry finds the key.

The pair rush off, leaving the others to get a good scolding from the Toymaker, who orders them to prevent the companions reaching the other end of the dancefloor.

If not, he’ll break them, as easily as smashing a plate.

Steven and Dodo enter a room with a triangular raised dais, on which three ballerinas dance beautifully. The music accompanying them is less than beautiful.

The cook and the Sgt. enter close behind them, and Steven attempts to cross the dancefloor. However, he immediately finds himself caught up in the dance– in fact, he can’t stop.

The dolls spin the group around the dancefloor, holding on with a grip like iron, but with some effort Steven and Dodo manage to dance their way over to yet another fake TARDIS. Will they ever find the real thing?

Dodo wonders if they’ll see the cook and the Sgt. again. Exasperated, Steven reminds her that they’re just figments of the Toymaker’s imagination. But if that’s true, then why do they always lose, and why always by doing something silly and human?

Maybe they really do have minds of their own.

Disgusted with his incompetent minions, the Toymaker offers up a new doll for them to play with, the nastiest apparently. A devil? A monstrous beast? No…it’s a jolly schoolboy.

Schoolboy? He looks at least forty!

I wouldn’t take his sweets if I were you, Dodo. There’s something unsavoury about his manner.

Lady luck
Will show the way,

Win the game
Or here you’ll stay

THE FINAL TEST

So, what’s our next game? Hopscotch. How thrilling. Throw in an electrified floor, however, and the game gets a little more interesting.

The ‘schoolboy’ Cyril seems to be playing fair at first, but keeps adding new rules to the game whenever the companions have the upper hand. With how irritating he is and his love of practical ‘jokes’ like hand-buzzers, some viewers may be reminded of the Billy Bunter character from the Greyfriars School stories. Amusingly, so many apparently noticed this the previous week that after this week’s episode the continuity announcer had to clarify that Cyril is merely a ‘Bunter-like’ character, therefore not infringing any copyrights.

Feeling generous, the Toymaker allows the Doctor the use of his voice again. Welcome back, Mr. Hartnell. Been anywhere nice?

Cyril’s mischief turns nasty in the hopscotch game as he almost knocks Dodo onto the electrified floor. When Steven comes over to scold him, Cyril sends both back to the start, as he had landed on Dodo’s triangle (and according to the rules, the previous occupant of a triangle has to go back to the start if someone else lands on that same triangle. Wow, that was boring to explain), and Steven broke the rules.

Steven tries to just hop over to the TARDIS at the end of the course, but the Toymaker pops up to do jazz hands at him and blocks his way with an invisible barrier. They’re going to have to play by the Toymaker’s rules.

Finding himself frustrated with the Doctor’s continuing reluctance to speak, the Toymaker accelerates the game to spite him. The others are going to have to hurry.

Their bratty opponent pulls an obvious stunt when he pretends to hurt his foot, and Dodo comes to see if he’s all right. He is, of course, and he’s tricked her into breaking the rules, so back to the start she goes. Again.

On Cyril’s next roll, he rolls high enough to win the game. In a shocking turn of events, however, he stumbles and falls. Zap.
It’s a good thing he turned back into a doll, or that would have been quite grisly. There’s an awful lot of smoke.

Steven finds that the tile Cyril slipped on was covered in a slippery powder, which he must have put there to sabotage the companions and forgotten about.

They finally reach the police box as the Doctor makes his penultimate move. Could it be they’ve found the real TARDIS? Yes. Yes they have.

Fully visible once more, the Doctor halts his game and goes to check on his ship, reuniting with his friends.

Their relief doesn’t last long, as the Toymaker shows up to remind them that they still haven’t won. In fact, they can’t win. If the game ends, this whole world will disappear, and them with it. However, they can’t leave until the Doctor finishes his game. It’s quite the Catch-22.

It doesn’t look like they can talk their way out of this…or can they? Ordering Steven to pre-set the TARDIS controls, the Doctor pulls off an uncanny impression of the Toymaker’s voice to order the game to advance to the final move.

The face the Toymaker pulls as his world collapses is absolutely hilarious.

Still, being an immortal the Toymaker will surely be back some day, and he won’t let the Doctor get away with a trick like that again. That’s a way off though, so for now they can celebrate with some sweets.

And the Doctor promptly cracks a tooth on one.

I suppose next week will be the thrilling search for a dentist.

Final Thoughts

That brings us to the end of The Celestial Toymaker. I wanted to like this serial. There is plenty about it that I can appreciate. Micheal Gough’s performance as the Toymaker is a real highlight. He’s a very charismatic and compelling villain, definitely a worthy opponent for the Doctor. In many ways, he’s like a petulant child, almost pitiable, but there’s a real icy malice under it all. He’s a cautionary tale about the downsides of immortality. If you live forever, mortal lives are so short compared to yours they might as well be mayflies. What do morals matter to you when you outlive everyone who remembers your sins?

I’d certainly be open to seeing him make another appearance at some point, sans clowns.

The overall concept is quite fun, but the dull nature of the challenges made the execution quite lacklustre. When talking with friends, some complained that this serial was too fantastical. I disagree. I don’t think it was fantastical enough. We’re in a world entirely created from the imagination of a bored immortal, and the best he can come up with is electric hopscotch? Why not lean into the surrealism, a world that’s at turns both dream and nightmare? I don’t really care how the Toymaker has this level of control over his world, but I do care that he doesn’t use his powers to do much that’s truly interesting.

Something I’m a little surprised wasn’t brought up again at the end was the issue of the Toymaker’s playthings. Over the course of the serial, it’s all but outright stated that all his toys were once people. The Toymaker may have supplanted their wills with his own, but there are hints that there’s still some small part of the original person buried deep down.

Though the Toymaker must survive the destruction of his world, what of the toys? Are they too far removed from their humanity to be worth saving?

That said, they were all extremely annoying and I am not at all sorry to see the back of them.

There’s not much to complain about in terms of production value, with some pretty elaborate sets, effects and costumes. I did rather like the costuming work on the King and Queen of Hearts.

I can’t offer as much praise to the music in this serial, which seemed composed specifically to aggravate me. It’s repetitive, grating, unpleasant and repetitive.

Well, that’s enough griping for today, I think. Join me next time as we take a trip to the Wild West in search of… a dentist. It’s not the weirdest premise for a story I’ve ever heard.

3 out of 5 stars