All posts by Jessica Holmes

[April 2, 1967] On The Immortality Of The Crab (Doctor Who: The Macra Terror)

April 2, 2022 Jessica Holmes 2 Comments

By Jessica Holmes

In Spanish, there’s a rather delightful way to say you’re daydreaming: ‘Pensando en la inmortalidad del cangrejo’. It literally means ‘thinking about the immortality of the crab’.

The Macra Terror by Ian Stuart Black is a serial that I think will quite often have you pondering on crab immortality, and I don’t mean that it’s thought-provoking.

The first thing you’ll notice about this serial is that there are BIG CHANGES AFOOT. Not in anything trifling like the main cast, but they’ve gone and changed the style of the opening titles. Now they flash up a great big picture of Patrick Troughton’s mug on the screen, in case we forget what the main character looks like.

EPISODE ONE

The Doctor and company arrive in a colony that I can only describe as Butlins IN SPACE. For those of you who aren’t from my neck of the woods, Butlins operates holiday camps where they put on lots of group activities and shows and stuff. Not my cup of tea, but they’re inexpensive and very popular.

An unfortunate soul called Medok (Terence Lodge) has run afoul of the law, however. His crime? Not being deliriously happy, and for very good reason. He’s been seeing monsters.

The gang run into him (literally) outside the TARDIS, and the authorities soon arrive to take him for brainwashing, and take the gang for a makeover.

Yeah, haircuts and beauty treatments take up a surprising amount of the episode. The Doctor smartens up for all of ten seconds before promptly turning back into a complete scruffball. It’s mildly amusing, I suppose. I got bored.

It’s also clear quite early on (though it takes the characters a while to notice) that there’s something deeply weird about this place. Is it the singing shift-change announcements with lyrics like ‘we’re happy to work!’? Could it be the fact that they apparently have a ‘beauty president’? Or perhaps it's the omnipresent giant screens broadcasting the face of their beloved Controller (whose FACE is Graham Leaman, but whose VOICE is Denis Goacher, a fact that will make more sense later)?

Can’t quite put my finger on it.

Curious about what Medok has been claiming to see, however, the Doctor visits him in his cell and sets him free, meeting up with him later at a construction site. There, Medok tells him about the Macra: huge beasts, like giant insects with great claws, moving about in the dark. A few people have seen them, but those who fail to keep their mouths shut soon find themselves in the hospital for ‘correction’.

Oh, and there’s one just outside the building site at this very moment…

This is not a strong start. I get what the writer is trying to do here. It’s all a bit ‘Brave New World’ with a side order of creature-feature, but it’s just falling flat for me. The dialogue is very blandly written and quite wooden. It serves its basic function, but not much else. Let’s see if things improve from here.

EPISODE TWO

The encounter with the Macra gets Medok and the Doctor hauled in front of the colony's Pilot (Peter Jeffrey). Medok covers for the Doctor, telling the Pilot that the Doctor was only trying to apprehend him. The authorities send Medok back to the hospital, and the Doctor returns to his quarters.

The Pilot, meanwhile, decides his guests would benefit from some brainwashing. The Doctor wakes Polly up before the voices in the walls have too much of an effect on her, and Jamie manages to resist, but Ben’s completely under the Pilot’s spell, and even runs off to snitch when the Doctor rips the brainwashing equipment out of the wall.

A little later, Ben and Polly have their own run-in with the Macra, briefly snapping Ben back to his usual self as he comes to Polly’s rescue. However, by the time they get back to the Doctor, Ben’s once again mind-controlled. I can tell because for some reason his accent changes. Apparently you get free elocution lessons with your brainwashing.

Finding brainwashing equipment in the Pilot's quarters, the Doctor realises that somebody is brainwashing the Pilot himself. The group (sans Ben) start to question the very existence of the yet-to-appear-in-person Controller. There’s something fishy about the place, and it all seems to stem from him.

The group demand to see him in person, and surprisingly he acquiesces. But the Controller is no longer a young man with a jawline you could use to cut glass. He’s old. Very old. And it doesn’t appear that he’s the man in charge any longer, if he ever was. It's been his face on the screen… but not his voice.

And it appears that he has outlived his usefulness.

The Macra aren’t a new threat to the colony after all. They’ve been running it all this time.

This episode’s a bit more interesting, and the reveal with the Controller is quite well done, even if it is a bit ‘Wizard Of Oz’. PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE CRAB BEHIND THE CURTAIN.

EPISODE THREE

Now that they know the truth, the real Controllers send the gang down to the pits to mine for gas, where they reunite with Medok. The Doctor remains on the surface to supervise and meddle, and manages to reverse-engineer the formula for the poisonous gas that the colonists are mining, but can’t work out what it’s for.

Down in the tunnels, Jamie steals the keys to an access door from an overseer, and sneaks into an abandoned mineshaft. Medok goes after him, but almost immediately runs afoul of a giant claw.

Jamie finds him dead and runs into the beasts that killed him, but that’s not the end of his problems. Learning that Jamie has gone out of bounds, Control vents gas into the old shaft. If this gas is so valuable, the Doctor is puzzled that they’d waste it on killing Jamie. It must have another use. Bear in mind he doesn't have any way of knowing what exactly is going on inside the shaft. He can't see the Macra, or communicate with Jamie. He just knows that Jamie is in there. And yet he manages to come to the conclusion that there must be Macra in the mineshaft, and they must need the gas to live. He’s right, but that’s a leap of logic bordering on omniscience. It’s not very satisfying to watch the invisible hand of the writer blatantly hand a character information.

The Doctor and Polly scramble to stop the flow of gas, but the Macra are encroaching on Jamie…

EPISODE FOUR

The Doctor manages to pump fresh air into the mineshaft just as the Macra begin to drag Jamie from his hiding spot, and then there’s a convenient rockslide just to make doubly sure they’re dead.

With that problem dealt with, Jamie escapes the tunnel and runs into something much worse: cheerleaders.

To escape them, he dances the Highland Fling. It’s… quite something. Unfortunately, Ben catches him, and reveals him to the authorities. It seems the brainwashing is starting to wear off however, as Ben clearly struggles with himself as he betrays his friend.

On the run from the authorities, the Doctor and Polly end up finding their way to the control room, and spot the Macra within. They’re like parasites that have completely hijacked the colony. The Pilot needs to see this.

It’s a struggle to get him to come with them, but the Pilot manages to resist Control’s command, and he’s horrified to find out that they’re telling the truth. Apparently a lifetime of brainwashing doesn’t come with any cognitive dissonance. However, the group are apprehended, and forced into a room which begins to fill with toxic gas.

Ben chooses this moment to finally shake off his brainwashing and come to the rescue, messing around with the gas inflow and outflow to create an explosion. Somehow. And it only blows up the Macra in the control room. This bit is not very well explained at all.

All’s well that ends well, and the colonists try to elect the Doctor as their next pilot. That won’t do at all, so the gang heads off on their merry way, dancing through the celebration as they go.

Final Thoughts

So, that was The Macra Terror. Was it terrifying? Uh, no. Perhaps to younger children, but I’m not scared of crabs so there’s nothing about making a crab BIGGER that makes it any scarier to me. The Macra model itself is quite impressive in terms of scale, I’ll give it that much.

Character-wise, nobody’s interesting enough to comment on, and the plot doesn’t have much going for it either. It’s just a bit dull. On paper the idea of a colony being secretly controlled for an ulterior purpose sounds quite interesting, but the execution just feels flat. Rather than ‘oh my goodness!’ my reaction is more ‘Oh, and?’ because it ultimately doesn’t seem to matter that much.

Everyone finds out they’ve been under the control of a bunch of evil crabs for the past few decades and they just go right back to business as usual once the crabs get blown up. I think there was a missed opportunity to examine how the colony might adjust once the influence of the Macra was lifted. Their entire culture revolves around working and keeping the masses mindlessly happy and obedient. What happens to them when their entire reason to be here is suddenly removed? I’m not asking for half a dozen episodes of political fallout, but maybe a single conversation isn’t too much to ask?

All in all, it’s a pretty forgettable story. Not dreadful, but if you didn’t get to see it, don’t worry. You’re not missing much.

2.5 out of 5 for The Macra Terror

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Science Fiction/Fantasy, TV

[March 6, 1967] Men On The Moon (Doctor Who: The Moonbase)

March 6, 2022 Jessica Holmes 1 Comment

By Jessica Holmes

Hello again, everyone, and boy do I have a fun serial for you this month!

The Doctor and pals have had a bumpy landing on the Moon, arriving at a lunar base in the '70s– the 2070s, that is! However, it soon turns out that things are not quite what they seem at this weather station, and an old foe lurks in the shadows…

Let’s recap and review Kit Pedler’s The Moonbase.

EPISODE ONE

We start off with an absolutely cracking episode full of suspense, mystery and a looming sense of dread.

Following a bumpy landing and a nasty crack on the head for Jamie, the Doctor and company find themselves on a multinational lunar base, soon meeting their leader, Hobson (Patrick Barr). This is the station from which all the world's weather is controlled, but lately things haven't been going well.

There’s a nasty pathogen going around, a rapidly-progressing disease that leaves the victim helpless in a matter of seconds.

The base is expecting a relief doctor from Earth, so it’s pretty handy that our Doctor arrived when he did. Don’t worry, he is a real doctor. He got his medical degree from Joseph Lister himself back in the 1880s. I daresay medical science has progressed since then.

However, there may be more to this disease than meets the eye. In the storeroom, one of the base’s scientists notices signs of tampering and hears the approach of footsteps…and a familiar shadow appears on the wall.

Could it be?

While attending to Jamie in the sickbay, the Doctor and Polly bear witness to the last words of the base’s doctor, who screams something about a silver hand before dropping dead.

The Doctor runs off to tell the others, and the familiar silhouette appears again. Though Polly screams for help, it’s gone before anyone else arrives.

The group goes to examine the body, but to their surprise upon pulling back the sheet they find only a few large bags of sugar.

There’s a body snatcher on the loose!

The base staff still have a job to do preventing a hurricane smashing up half the world’s coastlines, so they leave Polly alone with Jamie again. Delirious, Jamie asks Polly to fetch him some water. No prizes for guessing what happens while she’s out of the room. It's almost like a pantomime! A really, really creepy pantomime, that is.

All together now: He's behiiiind you!

The silhouette appears once more, and we finally see what it belongs to. Did you guess right?

The design is a little different now, admittedly. A tad more high-budget, but no less unsettling. Where there was once fabric, the face is now smooth metal, the plastic casing on the chest a little less bulky, but there’s no mistaking those handles.

It’s a Cyberman.

EPISODE TWO

The Cyberman inspects Jamie before moving on and dragging one of the other patients off. Polly catches him leaving, and immediately tells the Doctor what she saw. He believes her, but Hobson doesn't, beginning to grow suspicious of the newcomers. He gives them 24 hours to solve this mystery, or get off his base. The Doctor gets to work, his demeanour much more serious than it has been of late. It's a little jarring!

Unfortunately, this episode is a bit of a drag, with much of its runtime eaten up by the base’s efforts to control a hurricane on Earth using a device called a Gravitron. The Gravitron will be important later, but that doesn’t mean it makes for interesting television right now. Still, it is somewhat amusing to watch everyone try to get on with their work while the Doctor goes around stealing people’s shoes for analysis.

Suspecting that it may have been sabotaged, two of the men on base head out to inspect the Gravitron, only to run afoul of a pair of Cybermen. Just how many of these things are lurking about?!

The body-snatching Cyberman comes back again while Polly attends to Jamie, knocking the pair out before absconding with yet another patient. Having had enough, Hobson accuses the Doctor of being behind all this sabotage, sending him into full pacification mode. He pretends to have found something, and Polly makes everyone coffee in an attempt to smooth things over.

It mollifies Hobson, but only for a moment, as one of the men suddenly collapses, his skin developing the tell-tale vein-like marks. That’s when the Doctor realises how this pathogen is spreading– it’s in the sugar!

See, this is why I don't sweeten my tea.

More worryingly than a bit of contaminated sugar however, the Doctor has another epiphany. The base has been thoroughly searched for signs of Cyberman incursion…but the sickbay, having been continually occupied, hasn’t.

And that’s when they realise that one of the patients isn’t a patient at all…

EPISODE THREE

It turns out that not only do the Cybermen have new faces, they have new voices. The odd sing-song has been replaced by a more straightforwardly robotic monotone, which is interesting, but I don’t find it as unnerving. Perhaps a combination of voice modulation and the uncanny sing-song vocal performance would maximize the terror?

Curiously, like the Daleks, the Cybermen also recognise the Doctor despite his new face. How can they tell it’s still him? Can they see something we can’t? Perhaps he still wears the same cologne.

In the nearby Cyber-ship, the other Cybermen prepare their captives for conversion. It’s all rather ghastly, but we’re spared any gruesome surgical scenes, as the ‘conversion’ appears to only go as far as mind-controlling the captives.

The Cybermen are kind enough to explain their dastardly plan and their motives. Why do villains always do that? Anyway, they’re going to take control of the Gravitron and use it to wreak havoc on the weather and obliterate everything on Earth’s surface. It’s nothing personal, but life on Earth is a threat to them, so they're eliminating it.

For a bunch of baddies that supposedly don’t feel emotions, I can’t help but think this sounds like they’re scared.

Jamie finally recovers from his head injury, and Ben and Polly discuss how they might beat the Cybermen. Unfortunately this time around they don’t have any handy radioactive material, so they’ll have to get creative. At Jamie’s mention of sprinkling witches with holy water, Polly gets a smart idea. Perhaps a solvent could corrode the boxes of machinery on their chests?

But what solvent to use? After all, there’s lots of different plastics out there and what works on one might not work on another.

In an experiment that absolutely should not be repeated at home, Polly mixes all the solvents she can get her hands on and puts the concoction into spray bottles.

Polly’s Magical Melting Potion:

1 part benzene (fair enough, that’d work on polystyrene)
1 part ether (permeates most plastics but won’t really melt them into goo)
1 part alcohol (Polly doesn’t say which kind, but I’d guess ethanol. Ethanol will degrade certain plastics, but only very slowly)
1 part acetone (probably the most useful solvent in the list)
1 part epoxy-propane (I’m not even sure if this can be used to melt plastic, and I’m not about to buy some and test it out)

Directions:

1. Mix ingredients
2. Put mixture in…plastic…spray bottles. Hmm.

Not only would this not work, I think it might actually be dangerous, and definitely not a good example for children, who might get it into their heads to make their own anti-Cyberman spray.

With that done, Ben and Jamie go off to squirt some Cybermen. Polly’s not invited, because this is MEN'S WORK! Polly does not pay them any mind, of course, and I admire her restraint in not spraying solvent in Ben’s eyes. Jeez, Ben, ever heard of feminism?

They burst into the control room and let loose, the Cybermen proving no match for Polly’s concoction. Their death noise is funnier than it should be: ‘wubwubwubwubwub!’ I had a guinea pig who used to make a noise just like that when he ran around on the carpet.

Safe for now, the Doctor and company remove the headpieces from the controlled men and rush them to the medical bay, while the others try to get the Gravitron back under control.

Realising something must have gone wrong, the Cybermen on the ship have a change of plan. The time for subterfuge is over. Now it’s time for an invasion.

EPISODE FOUR

Things come to a head in this episode, with plenty of tension (and sometimes stupidity) to go around.

The Cybermen cut off the base’s line of communication with Earth, but those inside the base don’t panic just yet. Having been unable to contact the base, Earth will surely have sent help by now, so all they need to do is sit tight until help arrives.

Sit tight, and maybe keep an eye on the recently mind-controlled men?

…No?

The Cybermen transmit their control signal again, directing one of their thralls to escape the sickbay and gain access to the Gravitron controls. Somehow, nobody notices as he walks right through the control room and into the Gravitron room, where he knocks out the man on duty and takes the controls. I’m not being funny, but there’s literally a window into the Gravitron room. Does nobody have eyes?!

Our heroes’ joy at seeing the approaching Earth ship is short-lived, as it abruptly turns around and starts accelerating towards the Sun, deflected by the beam from the Gravitron.

Taking things from bad to worse, the Cybermen blast the outer shell of the base with a laser weapon. Air rushes out through the hole, and it’s only with some quick thinking by Hobson that the whole group doesn’t suffocate.

With the mind-controlled thrall now unconscious, the group regains control of the Gravitron.

The Cybermen don’t realise this, however, and find themselves greatly surprised when their next laser blast deflects harmlessly off the Gravitron’s beam.

Now with the upper hand, the Doctor and Hobson disable the Gravitron’s safety controls and point it right at the advancing Cybermen, sending them floating off into the vacuum of space. Let’s hope wherever they land, they land with a crash.

The base gets to work to get the world’s weather back under control, and the Doctor and pals head off, not bothering to say goodbye.

Back in the TARDIS, the Doctor decides to use the time scanner to get an idea of the future, and gets a glimpse of the dish of the day at the nearest seafood restaurant.

Or maybe a space monster.

But my money’s on the lobster.

Final Thoughts

I was a bit surprised to be seeing the Cybermen again so soon, but I’m not complaining. This serial doesn’t really expand on them much or explore their worldview in greater detail, but hopefully we might see some of that in the future.

It's also a little surprising that the Cybermen have been redesigned already, given other recurring enemies like the Daleks have been very consistent in their design. Then again I suppose it does make narrative sense. As their own technology improves, it follows that they would repair or replace outdated components. Still, I hope that the design won't end up completely inhuman. The real horror of the Cybermen is that you can very much recognise that there is a person under all the machinery, so it would be a real shame to lose that.

So, that was the Moonbase! Some jolly exciting stuff, I’m sure you’ll agree. Admittedly the minor characters aren’t very interesting (they’re basically interchangeable, apart from their accents) and there’s a definite lull in the second episode. Still, on the whole it’s very well plotted and tense.

Here's hoping the Cybermen will be back again before too long, and that this streak of fun stories continues!

My rating: 4 out of 5 stars

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Science Fiction/Fantasy, TV

[February 6, 1967] Nothing In The World Can Stop Me Now! (Doctor Who: The Underwater Menace)

February 6, 2022 Jessica Holmes 1 Comment

By Jessica Holmes

Geoffrey Orme’s ‘The Underwater Menace’ is technically not very good. The plot is very silly, the costumes are sillier, and the acting has to be seen to be believed.

And yet, I was grinning all the way through.

EPISODE ONE

With new companion Jamie, the TARDIS arrives on an island south of the Azores, and the crew soon run into trouble. Captured and whisked underground by a load of weirdos with conch shells on their heads, they soon find themselves about to be offered up to the sea goddess Amdo. Things are going about as well as they usually do, in short.

It turns out that they’ve stumbled upon the long-lost city of Atlantis. Yes, really.

Oh, and there’s a Russian scientist living down beneath the waves. Not sure how he got down there, but he’s been feeding the Atlanteans with…plankton. Tasty, tasty plankton. Mmm.

I’m not sure how they were eating before he arrived. They’ve supposedly been down there for thousands of years but are relying on plankton farmed by fish-people with surgically implanted plastic gills, all thanks to Professor Zaroff (Joseph Furst).

This serial is a lot more fun if you don’t mind the inconsistencies.

Luckily for the Doctor and his chums, Zaroff arrives in time to save them from becoming shark food. Zaroff and the Doctor hit it off, and the younger folks go off to make themselves useful (not that they get a choice in the matter). Ben and Jamie are off to the mines, and Polly soon ends up being prepared for surgery–They’re going to turn her into a fish!

“Polly, you speak foreign, go talk to him and ask him where we are.” Ah yes, the two languages: English and Foreign.

EPISODE TWO

Fortunately for Polly, a servant girl called Ara (Catherine Howe) comes along just as all the lights go off (thanks to the Doctor’s inability to leave electrical equipment alone) and whisks her to safety.

The Doctor flatters Zaroff as the scientist of dubious mental stability explains just what he’s doing here in Atlantis. The priesthood has come to think of him as some sort of messiah, since Zaroff has promised to raise the city from beneath the waves. Tiny little problem: he can’t actually do that. What he can do, however, is dig through the Earth’s crust and drain the Atlantic ocean until the sea level is lower than the city.

This triggers a fear in the Doctor that by digging a hundred miles down to the Earth’s core, he’ll flash-boil the ocean to steam and crack the crust of the Earth, blowing the planet apart.

“Just one small question. Why do you want to blow up the world?”

There is so much wrong here I’m not sure it's worth debunking it point by point.

Let’s just say: The crust is thinner than that, but even so you still can’t dig through it, and you’d still be nowhere near the inner core of the Earth even if you did. As to Earth blowing up? No. Just…no.

But let’s pretend that this is how the Earth works, because a mad scientist hell-bent on blowing up the world just because he can is a lot of fun. I guess he got tired of waiting for certain nations to stop playing nuclear chicken.

Down in the mines, the boys make the acquaintance of sailors-turned-miners Sean (P.G. Stephens) and Jacko (Paul Anil), who have a compass and a plan to escape.

Meanwhile, Polly hides in the temple, and the Doctor slips away from the lab by doing what he does best: messing around with stuff until he causes enough chaos that nobody notices him leave.

While snooping around the place, the Doctor learns that the priest who almost threw him to the sharks earlier, Ramo (Tom Watson), has no great fondness for Zaroff. He steals a moment to talk to him in the temple, and tells him about the coming destruction of Atlantis. Naturally horrified, Ramo asks the Doctor if there’s anything that can be done to stop Zaroff.

Perhaps there is, but they’ll need the help of the ruler of Atlantis, Thous (Noel Johnson). The priest agrees to help the Doctor, lending him a disguise so they can sneak through the city.

Jamie, Sean and Jacko escape the mines through the tunnel network, emerging in the temple, where they reunite with Polly.

The Doctor and Ramo bring their case before King Thous, but don’t get to explain much before he makes his decision:

Zaroff can do with them as he will.

EPISODE THREE

Zaroff gets a solid eight out of ten on the dramatic entrance as he waltzes into the episode, and he’s not best pleased with the Doctor. The pair are sent to the temple for sacrifice, and instead of the shark tank, they’re to be beheaded. Perhaps the sharks had already eaten.

However, before they get the chop, the voice of Amdo rings throughout the temple, commanding her followers to avert their eyes. I think you can see where this is going.

The Doctor and the priest slip out of the temple and into the tunnel behind the statue of the goddess, where Ben is hiding.

The other priests delightedly tell Zaroff and Thous of the miraculous disapparition, but Zaroff is no fool. He knows there was nothing miraculous about it. Thous, on the other hand…

Meanwhile, the Doctor fills the others in on what’s been going on, and comes up with a plan: starting a union. No, really. He sends Sean and Jacko to go and encourage the fish people to go on strike. The Atlanteans have no food stores, given how quickly their seafood spoils, so it won’t take long at all for them to cave into whatever demands the fish people make of them.

As for him and his companions, they’re going to kidnap Zaroff.

In disguise, the Doctor and his pals attract Zaroff’s attention at the market, leading him on a merry chase to the temple, where the gang corner and subdue him.

While they’re doing that, Sean and Jacko rile up the fish people, and there’s a long, long, LONG sequence of them slowly ‘swimming’ about (you can see the wires) and spreading the word about the strike. I think perhaps the script came up a little too short, and boy does it drag.

There’s also something deeply creepy about the fish people. I think it’s the way their mouths gape underwater. They look like they’re screaming all the time!

Zaroff claims that the Doctor is too late to stop his plans, but of course the Doctor won’t take his word for it. Things take a turn when Zaroff suddenly collapses. The Doctor can’t risk Zaroff’s plan coming to fruition, so he takes off with Ben and Jamie, leaving Polly and Ramo to watch over Zaroff–a fatal mistake.

No sooner has the Doctor left than does Zaroff stab the poor priest and abduct Polly. He can’t get far however, as the Doctor realises he needs the priest to help him navigate the city, and doubles back–just in time for Ramo to shuffle off this mortal coil. The lads are quick to act, catching up to Zaroff and forcing him to flee without Polly. She doesn’t have much to do in this serial, so being briefly kidnapped will have to do.

With the fish people now in revolt and the ruler willing to listen to their demands, it looks like it’s all coming undone for Zaroff–or is it?

When Thous finally sees Zaroff for the madman he really is and tries to arrest him, Zaroff whips out a pistol and guns him down, with his minions dispatching the royal guards.

And then this serial truly embraces its B-movie sensibilities with a line so hammy, so cheesy, that it would make a delicious toastie.

“NOTHING IN THE WORLD CAN STOP ME NOW!!!”

EPISODE FOUR

The Doctor and Ben find Thous moments after Zaroff leaves, hurt but still alive. They bring him to the rest of the group, and the Doctor decides on a last-ditch plan of action: destroy the sea wall, flood the lower levels of Atlantis, and destroy the lab.

He sneaks down to the lab with Ben, and with no real idea what they’re doing they get to work on sabotaging the reactor.

Meanwhile, Polly and Jamie, separated from the rest of the group, soon find themselves hopelessly lost–and the walls are starting to glow.

Drowning or radiation sickness, which will get them first, do you reckon?

The sea wall crumbles (because… oh, I don’t know, and I’m pretty sure nobody in the story does either. Magic radiation?) and everyone starts heading for higher ground, with Jamie and Polly beginning to doubt they’ll ever find a way out. Fortunately, Polly is a champion for women everywhere–by which I mean she pouts and whines and needs Jamie to help her walk along a corridor.

I can excuse all the B-Movie shoddiness in the world as long as it’s fun, but the sidelining of Polly does actually irk me.

I can’t help but think that this plan has an awful lot of collateral damage given that all they really needed to do was keep Zaroff away from the great big plunger that blows the Earth’s crust open. How many people were down there, and how many made it out? Nobody thinks twice about anyone outside the little group, but I have to wonder.

The Doctor and Ben manage to trick Zaroff into leaving the lab, and then lock him out and flee from the rising water. Zaroff is not wise enough to follow them, and the water overwhelms him, still reaching for the plunger.

Everyone makes it to the surface, but not all together. Thinking that the Doctor has perished, the Atlanteans swear to build a new temple and raise a stone in his honour–prompting an odd rant from a minor character about religion being the source of all their problems in the first place. Well sure, but their society was extremely reliant on Zaroff in other ways too. He’d have had enormous influence with or without the support of the temple.

Then again they were feeding people to sharks with regularity, so maybe the new Atlantis would be better off without them.

And without the fish people, too. It’s not clear what happened to them. Presumably they’re fine, given they breathe underwater.

The Doctor and his companions reunite, with Jamie having settled into the gang quite nicely. He needs a bit more time to shine on his own, but I like him so far. Once back inside the TARDIS, the kids tease the Doctor that he can’t actually steer the ship–to which the Doctor strongly protests. Of course he CAN steer the ship, it’s just a lot less fun that way.

Nobody let the Doctor get behind the wheel of a car. He’d drive blindfolded the wrong way down the M6 just to have a laugh.

To prove his point, the Doctor decides to take everyone to Mars.

And to prove him wrong, the TARDIS veers wildly out of control.

I wonder where they’ll end up next?

Final Thoughts

So, this serial is stupid, and bonkers, and absolutely has the soul of a B-Movie…and it’s great!

There have been plenty of higher-quality serials that I haven’t enjoyed half as much as this one, because the greatest sin Doctor Who can commit isn’t badness; it’s dullness. Bad can be good. Bad can be bizarre, fun, entertaining to poke fun at and talk about. The costumes may be shoddy, acting hammy and the script an outright disaster, but it succeeds in the way that matters most. It entertains. Boring is just boring. Trying to wring entertainment out of a dull serial is like drawing blood from a stone.

This is technically bad…but that’s why it’s good.

I am a simple woman; I enjoy a mad scientist and a silly end-the-world plot. Did the plot entirely make sense? Well, no. Look at any one element too hard and the whole thing dissolves like wet tissue paper.

The acting’s pretty much par for the course. Troughton continues to delight, as expected, and our lead villain doesn’t disappoint when it comes to chewing the scenery. I was surprised there was any left by the time he was finished. A serial this silly hinges on the villain, and Zaroff is just plain fun to watch–and “NOTHING IN THE WORLD CAN STOP ME NOW!” has become a household phrase. Well, it has in my household. Well, it has for me, personally. Everyone else is begging me to stop.

This is not hard, serious science fiction, and I don’t think it was ever meant to be.

And that’s just the way I like it.

My rating: 4 out of 5 stars.

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Science Fiction/Fantasy, TV

[January 8, 1967] So-So Historical, Delightful Doctor (Doctor Who: The Highlanders)

January 8, 2022 Jessica Holmes 1 Comment

By Jessica Holmes

Happy new year, everyone! The last year of Doctor Who brought us some pretty big changes. Companions came and went, there was a musical episode (please tell me I didn’t hallucinate that), and we even saw a change of Doctor. Where shall we go next, I wonder?

The first story of the year (and the last of last year) is The Highlanders (written by Elwyn Jones and Gerry Davis), a historical tale set in… well, the Highlands of Scotland, funnily enough. Lovely place, though perhaps not so lovely in the time period of the story, 1746, at the tail end of the Jacobite rebellion.

SOME HALF-REMEMBERED HISTORY

How to quickly sum up the Jacobite uprising? Once upon a time, there was a king of England and Scotland called James. James II/VII if we’re being precise. James wasn’t very popular for complicated religious and political reasons, so he lost his job. He did at least get to keep his head, which is more than a lot of deposed monarchs can say. A few years down the line, his grandson Charles Edward Stuart, a.k.a. ‘Bonnie Prince Charlie’ started an uprising to reclaim the throne for his father, with the support of the Highland clans of Scotland. It did not go well. The British crushed Bonnie Prince Charlie’s army at the Battle of Culloden, and that was the end of that.

Here we pick up just after that fateful battle, when the dust is still settling…

EPISODE ONE

The Doctor and his companions arrive amidst the aftermath of the Battle of Culloden, where they almost immediately get themselves captured by a couple of Highlanders. The Highlanders bring them to a cottage, where they’re hiding with their wounded Laird (the Scottish equivalent of a Lord, played by Donald Bisset). These are Jamie McCrimmon (Frazer Hines), the Laird’s piper, and Alexander, the Laird’s son, who dies about five minutes in so we don’t need to waste any more words on him.

The Highlanders, believing the Doctor and company to be English spies, are about to kill them all when the Laird’s daughter Kirsty (Hannah Gordon) intervenes, hoping that the Doctor can help heal her father. The men are reluctant, until Ben snatches up a gun and threatens to finish the old man off if they won’t let the Doctor help.

Interesting bedside manner.

Polly disarms the Scots and goes off with Kirsty to fetch water, and then Ben proves himself to be absolutely rubbish at gun safety. This being the period where guns were just as likely to blow up in your face as they were to actually shoot your target, he accidentally makes it go off, attracting the attention of some nearby Redcoats, led by Lieutenant Algernon Ffinch (Michael Elwyn). Yes, two Fs.

The Redcoats burst in, killing the Laird’s son, and the Doctor has a brief panic over what nationality to fake to maximise his chances of survival, eventually settling on a terrible German accent. He introduces himself as Doktor Von Wer. Doctor Who? Yes, exactly.

Unfortunately, the Redcoats are going to kill them all anyway.

Elsewhere, a well-dressed figure surveys the battleground. This is solicitor Grey (David Garth), and his part in all this is his scheme to ship the survivors off to the colonies and sell them into slavery.

Charming chap.

On their way back from fetching water, the women spot the Redcoats preparing the gallows for their prisoners. Polly lobs a stone at them, attracting their attention. Rumour has it that the Prince has escaped in the guise of a woman, so Ffinch decides to pursue them.

Luckily for the prisoners, Grey soon arrives to put a halt to the hanging. In addition to being very dodgy, he’s also the commissioner of prisons, and has the paperwork to give him charge over all rebel prisoners.

And also money. Money helps.

Still pursued by Ffinch, Polly and Kirsty hide in a cave Kirsty’s clan uses for cattle-raiding. While deciding what to do, there’s a bit of tension when Kirsty balks at the idea of selling her father’s ring in order to buy supplies. Polly turns a little nasty, and Kirsty responds by pulling a knife on her. Have they checked that this ring isn’t holding the essence of some ancient evil that corrupts all who attempt to possess it? Just a thought.

Calling her a stupid peasant (manners, that’s the daughter of a Laird you’re talking to!), Polly goes off in a huff, and promptly falls into an animal trap. Serves her right for being rude if you ask me.

EPISODE TWO

In trying to help Polly out of the pit, Kirsty falls in too, and it’s not long before Ffinch catches up to them. After Kirsty gets a bit of sulking out of her system, she and Polly manage to lure Ffinch into the pit and rob him of his pistol and his money.

Polly and Kirsty blackmail Ffinch into helping them, given that it would be a bit of a setback for his career if his commanding officer was to find out that he got captured and robbed by a couple of girls.

Meanwhile in Inverness, the Doctor and company are languishing in a rather wet gaol. Everyone’s thoroughly miserable, except for the Doctor, who is starting to enjoy himself. The Doctor treats the Laird’s injury, though he has to invent some quackery to prevent the Scots calling his credentials as a physician into question. While doing so, he discovers that the Laird is carrying the Prince’s personal standard, and he holds on to it for safekeeping.

And then something truly horrible happens.

I can hardly bear to write it.

…He pulls out the recorder.

The rebels start singing along to the Doctor’s tune, attracting the attention of the guard. The Doctor, claiming to be a loyal subject of the King, demands to be taken to Grey.

Grey is a little busy at the moment, conspiring with an unsavoury fellow by the name of Trask (Dallas Cavell) to smuggle the prisoners aboard his vessel, there to be delivered to the Caribbean. Once Trask leaves, the Doctor baits the greedy Grey with the Prince’s standard, claiming he can help him track the rogue royal down and claim the bounty. Grey lets his guard down, and the Doctor wastes no time in relieving him of his weapon, and using the flag to gag him for good measure.

People are very careless in this story—always losing their guns.

Grey’s clerk, Perkins (Sydney Arnold), arrives a short time later, but the Doctor is able to distract and pacify him with some free medical care. He’s very attentive, asking the poor chap—between slamming the man’s head against the desk—if he happens to suffer from headaches.

On the one hand, I want to complain at this feeling grossly out of character for the typically non-violent Doctor. The days of trying to bash in people’s heads with rocks are long behind him.

On the other hand… it’s funny.

It’s really, really funny.

After committing assault and battery, the Doctor moves on to nick some food from the scullery, and then (as one does) dresses like an old woman. While in disguise, he spots the prisoners being escorted out and down to the jetty. There’s not much he can do about it yet, so poor Ben and Jamie have no choice but to board the waiting ship…and the only way off is in a shroud.

EPISODE THREE

Down in the hold of the ship, the other prisoners don’t take too kindly to Ben’s English accent, until the Laird intervenes on his behalf.

Meanwhile, Polly and Kirsty get themselves some new clothes and oranges so that they can pose as orange sellers. The Doctor spots them at the inn, but before he can make contact with them, the Sergeant from the earlier group of Redcoats also recognises them, and it’s only with Ffinch’s begrudging assistance that they manage to get away.

Ffinch points them in the direction of Grey, but as it turns out he’s busy giving the prisoners a choice about how they’d like to spend the rest of their lives: as a snitch, a slave, or at the end of a rope.

Ben tears up the contract, forcing Grey to go and get a new one, and earning him a nasty bang on the head.

At the inn, the girls are about ready to leave, but Grey’s clerk has found them, and he’s proving hard to shake. It seems that there’s more to this fool than meets the eye.

Luckily, there’s a friendly old wench nearby with a stolen gun.

The Doctor leaves with the girls, warning Perkins not to follow.

Don’t worry—the gun isn’t actually loaded. I think that would be a step too far. The Doctor and the girls discuss how to go ahead with rescuing their friends, but first things first, the Doctor wants a nap.

I think he’d better make it a quick one. Grey and Trask are almost ready to leave, but there’s a troublesome Englishman to be dealt with first.

One quick nap later, the Doctor’s gone and robbed the arsenal, and also realises something about that probably evil ring of Kirsty’s. It’s actually the Prince’s ring! Better than that, it’s bait.

The Doctor had best make haste, because Trask has just tied Ben up and chucked him into the sea. Ben had better be good at holding his breath.

EPISODE FOUR

Trask throws Ben overboard, but when the time comes to haul him back up, there’s nobody on the end of the rope. Ben’s a regular Houdini!

As he catches his breath on the shore, he gets accosted by an English sentry…or so he thinks. Yes, it’s the Doctor in yet another disguise. I think he’s really enjoying himself.

The group come up with a plan to rescue the Highlanders—though the women have to fight to be included.

On a stolen boat, Ben delivers the Doctor to the ship, where he adopts his Doktor von Wer ruse again. He shows Grey the Prince’s ring, and tells him he’s discovered the Prince is hidden among the Highlanders on the ship. Apparently Grey’s brain turns off when he sees something potentially valuable and shiny. He takes the bait, allowing the Doctor to lead him down into the hold…

Where the prisoners are all pretending to be asleep, Polly and Kirsty having handed them weapons through the porthole.

A lengthy fight ensues, with Jamie throwing Trask overboard in the ruckus. Trask’s crew surrender following the loss of their captain, and Grey and Perkins give themselves up.

Perkins is most certainly not a fool, and his desire not to go to prison outweighs any loyalty to (or fear of) Grey. As he happens to speak the language, he offers to join the Highlanders as they escape to France (a long-time ally of Scotland, and a supporter of the Jacobite cause).

Grey doesn’t take it well.

As the Highlanders sail off into the fog, Jamie accompanies the Doctor and company as they begin making their way back to the TARDIS (with Grey as a hostage). Unfortunately Grey escapes on the way, and the group needs another hostage to get past the English guards.

Poor Ffinch. This really isn’t his day, is it?

On their merry way once again, the group inform Ffinch of Grey’s nefarious dealings. However, they arrive back at the Laird’s home to find that Grey has beaten them to it, and he’s got some soldiers with him.

Grey claims that the whole business with transporting the prisoners was perfectly legal, but surprise, surprise, he can’t produce the appropriate paperwork. An outraged Ffinch orders him arrested, and it seems all’s well that ends well.

But what happened to the contracts Grey made the prisoners sign? That’s easy. The Doctor nicked them.

Having nowhere else to go, Jamie joins the TARDIS crew, and off they go, on to the next adventure.

Final Thoughts

Something that struck me about this serial is how violent it is for Doctor Who. We’ve got Ben holding people at gunpoint, Polly committing armed robbery, the Doctor himself getting his hands dirty, plus all the inherent violence of the setting. I am in two minds about all this. I had always liked how the Doctor and company usually solve their problems with their wits rather than with their fists. It’s a much better example to set for the children.

Oh, dear. I must be getting old.

On the other hand, I cannot stress enough how funny Troughton is. I can’t very well wag my finger when I’m too busy rolling on the floor.

Take the scene where the Doctor ‘examines’ Perkins’ head. Played straight, it would be a horrible act of violence, but the thing to bear in mind is that Troughton doesn’t drop the absurd faux-German accent throughout the entire spectacle. The dialogue and comic timing are impeccable, though they feel like they came from a different script altogether. It’s like the Doctor is in a different serial to everyone else. To be clear, I like the Doctor’s side of things a lot better. The rest of the serial is mostly just stuff I have to watch to get back to whatever funny thing the Doctor is doing.

The humour in itself is a problem, however. Don’t get me wrong, I like it and I wish more of the serial was this funny– but it creates a real tone problem. It’s something we’ve seen before, and the historical stories tend to be particularly prone to this tonal issue. On the one hand, they contain some of the most sinister subject matter in Doctor Who (slavery, civil war, murder), but on the other they’re often dotted with moments of incongruous humour. Or just plain WEIRD stuff like musical narration.

Still, it’s an enjoyable enough serial, and it’s fairly interesting, plot-wise. It’s rather light on the educational content and historical context, but as I think I probably said the last time we had a historical story, this programme has long since given up any pretense of trying to teach children anything. Jamie seems like a nice chap, and he’s certainly very capable, so I’m sure he’ll do well in the TARDIS. Hopefully we won’t have another Katarina situation. I wonder where they’ll end up next?

My rating: 3 out of 5 stars

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Science Fiction/Fantasy, TV

[December 12, 1966] An Explosive Ending (Doctor Who: The Power Of The Daleks [Part 2])

December 12, 2021 Jessica Holmes 1 Comment

By Jessica Holmes

Welcome back, everyone! We last left the Doctor in pretty dire straits: Polly’s been kidnapped, he’s found himself embroiled in a murder mystery, and there are Daleks running about the place! Is there any hope for the Doctor, or indeed humanity itself? Let’s find out, as our second Doctor’s first story comes to an explosive conclusion.

EPISODE FOUR

What with all the chanting about their evilness, Lesterson starts to wonder if maybe, just maybe, the Daleks might be bad news. Better late than never, old chap. Unfortunately, stopping the Daleks is not quite as simple as turning off their generator. There are other factors to consider, such as Janley.

Janley still needs the Daleks for the rebellion, more than happy to keep aiding them while Lesterson slides into a nervous breakdown over their growing power.

The Doctor and Ben listen in on a rebel meeting, where Janley demonstrates the Daleks’ firepower. Understandably, the others are a bit hesitant to trust what are essentially guns with minds of their own.

Bragen’s happy with them, though, revealing himself to the Doctor’s surprise. Ben’s too unconscious to notice, having had the bright idea to try taking on a roomful of rebels single-handedly. It didn’t go well.

Bragen has the Doctor locked up with Quinn, able to blame the real Examiner’s death on him. It looks like things are pretty dire for the Doctor and company, but it’s about to get much, much worse.

Lesterson discovers that the Daleks are conspiring with each other, and upon investigating their capsule, he learns the true severity of the situation. They’re not just building a couple more Daleks… they’re churning them out on an assembly line!

This episode is a bit of a slow point in the serial. It’s not intolerably dull, but it’s markedly less exciting than the episodes preceding and following it. It’s a ‘setting up dominoes’ sort of episode; one that’s not as much fun on its own, but is vital if you want to bring everything crashing down in the future.

EPISODE FIVE

Horrified, Lesterson attempts to deactivate the Daleks, but learns that simply turning off their power won’t work any more; they’ve learned how to store it. This sends him into what I think is meant to be a fit of terror, but really he constantly seems on the verge of laughing. I doubt there will be any scenery left by the time he’s done chewing it. Unfortunately this is all he does for the rest of the story, and it does get rather grating.

He bursts into the prison, blissfully interrupting the Doctor, who was making a really annoying noise with a glass of water. You see, the Doctor’s prison cell is apparently unlocked by a specific audible tone, and he’s trying to reproduce it. At least, I think he is. He might just be messing around. It’s impossible to tell.

Bragen comes to the prison before Lesterson and the Doctor have much of a chance to talk, and Lesterson can’t convince him that the Dalek threat needs to be dealt with.

Too bad, because the Daleks are preparing the next stage of their takeover. In order to freely move about the base without needing to recharge, they begin laying down power cables.

The Doctor manages to unlock Quinn’s cell door with that confounded recorder of his, so I suppose it came in handy after all. I still want to shove it up his nose all the same. However, he doesn’t get out of prison fast enough to save the poor Governor…

The Governor arrives back in his office to find there’s been a change in management, and that his guards no longer answer to him. Bragen offers to allow the Governor to retain his title, in exchange for all the power that accompanies said title, but the Governor refuses. A principled move, but perhaps not a smart one, given the armed Dalek in the room. It doesn’t hesitate to dispatch him.

Fascinatingly, the Dalek is curious as to why humans kill other humans. Daleks are after all omnicidal maniacs, but I don’t believe we’ve seen one Dalek kill another Dalek. I’m still not sure they have the moral high ground on us, but I suppose they’re at least ethically consistent.

Quinn and the Doctor rescue Polly from the lab, immediately making a run for it as a Dalek comes out to accost them.

And then comes the single funniest thing I have ever seen in Doctor Who. It’s so audacious I can only admire its brilliance.

Pay close attention to the Daleks in the background of the group shot pictured above. Is it me, or do they look a little…flat?

Yep. They’re cardboard cutouts. And they’re not even trying to hide it! Well, you have to stretch the budget somehow, I suppose. It's been done before but never quite so blatantly.

Anyway.

Quinn and the Doctor find the Governor dead at his desk, and the killer isn’t far away. Bragen promptly throws the Daleks under the bus, blaming them solely for the death of the Governor. Until the threat is dealt with, he’s declaring martial law.

If he wants a fight with the Daleks, they’ll be only too happy to oblige…

You can see the cutouts in this shot, too– they look even dodgier from this angle!

EPISODE SIX

The revolution might be over and done with, but that won’t bring an end to the bloodshed. Aware that his rebel allies could turn against him just as easily, Bragen plans to have them killed– all except Janley, who is uneasy about the idea.

So too is one of said rebels, Valmar, who overhears the discussion.

The Doctor, Quinn and Polly find Ben, but don’t get much time to catch up as the Doctor rushes off again, not explaining himself as usual.

Fighting breaks out between the humans and the Daleks, but as you’d expect it’s rather one-sided. Valmar has the bright idea to try and turn the Daleks against Bragen with a control wire, and he’s joined by Janley, who has also changed her mind about Bragen.

Seeing the carnage, the Doctor hurries back to his friends, and they’re left with no choice but to flee out the window from the encroaching Daleks.

You’ll be shocked, SHOCKED, I say, to know that Valmar and Janley’s bright idea of using the Daleks against Bragen doesn’t go anywhere, with their Dalek ‘allies’ happily firing on anything human shaped.

It doesn’t take long for this foolishness to get Janley killed.

Bragen begins to panic as he loses contact with the other sections of the colony– it’s a massacre out there. Quinn confronts him in his office, ordering him to summon his guards from the interior. They’ll draw the Daleks away so that the Doctor can carry out his plan– assuming that he has one.

Pretending (I think) to join the Daleks, Lesterson distracts them long enough for the Doctor to do some of his technological wizardry. Unfortunately for him, Daleks have no sense of gratitude to the man who gave them life, so they kill him. His sacrifice (whether deliberate or not) enables the Doctor to do what he does best: pull levers and push buttons at random in the hopes of it doing something useful. Luckily for him, it does.

The colony’s electrical circuit overloads, flooding the Daleks with more voltage than their little tin bodies can handle. They blow up! Rather spectacularly, I might add. I think all the money saved by the cardboard Daleks went into the pyrotechnics. A fair trade, in my opinion.

Though I’m not convinced the Doctor did it entirely on purpose.

In the Governor’s office, things come to a head when Bragen attempts to murder Quinn, but Valmar arrives in the nick of time, slaying his former ally where he stands. Serves him jolly well right, too!

So, with that all done and dusted, it’s time for celebration, right? Ah, no. Besides the innumerable dead, the Doctor completely destroyed the colony’s power grid. Without getting so much as a ‘thanks for saving our lives’ the Doctor and friends beat a hasty retreat before anyone tries to hand them the bill for damages.

It’s not as if he didn’t try to warn them. Then again, as Ben says, the Doctor does not exactly have the same commanding aura he once did. He’s not a man who seems to have the slightest idea what he’s doing. Perhaps he never did– he’s just not as good at hiding it as he used to be.

Final Thoughts

There’s a lot going on in this serial, isn’t there? The Doctor’s renewal (and subsequent question of ‘Is this really the Doctor?’), the murder of the Examiner, the rebellion, the discovery of the Daleks, the Daleks’ subterfuge, and probably something else I’ve forgotten to note. It’s all at once a political thriller, a murder mystery, a cautionary tale about unchecked curiosity, and a science fiction romp. You’d think it’d be too much, and yet it works.

I had been a bit worried that the rebellion subplot might have been getting a bit too complicated for kids to really follow, but I think there’s more than enough Dalek action to keep them happy. I appreciated the slightly more mature storyline, with everyone having their own agenda. It made things more interesting, and gave the Daleks a chance to do something other than run around screaming and shooting people. They had the opportunity to show off their intelligence and cunning, which they never seemed to have much of in previous appearances.

There’s a lot of characters running around, and admittedly there were none I particularly liked, but their intricate dynamics made them more interesting to watch, Janley probably being the most interesting of the bunch as she balanced her scheming with the rebels with her alliance to Bragen.

I have most certainly warmed to our new Doctor (not that I was ever really cold to him in the first place), who I think still has the brilliance of the old one, if buried a little deeper. Or he’s a tremendously lucky clown. One of the two.

All in all, a jolly good first outing, I think. Exciting, suspenseful, and all around fully entertaining. I look forward to seeing where our new Doctor ends up next!

4 out of 5 stars

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Science Fiction/Fantasy, TV

[November 20 1966] Doctor…Who? (Doctor Who: The Power Of The Daleks [Part 1])

November 20, 2021 Jessica Holmes 1 Comment

By Jessica Holmes

It was with a mix of curiosity and trepidation that I tuned into Doctor Who this month. The character we know and love has vanished forever, and in his place is a stranger– A stranger who calls himself the Doctor. But is it really the same man? Once again, we have to ask the essential question that the programme was founded on. Doctor…who?

EPISODE ONE

The first episode begins with a great deal of confusion as the strange man in the place of the Doctor comes to his senses. Polly takes him to be the same old Doctor, but Ben’s not so sure– and neither am I. For one thing, he looks completely different. Even his clothes have changed. So it’s not as if he’s been ‘de-aged’ or something like that. By the way the stranger himself reacts, testing out his muscles and joints, it’s a wholly new body.

And yet, a familiar face peers back at him in his reflection.

He himself doesn’t seem certain of his identity, referring to the Doctor in the third person despite apparently sharing the Doctor’s memories.

Well, if there’s any quintessentially Doctorish trait, it’s being clear as mud.

Oh, and he plays the recorder now, and has absolutely terrible taste in hats. At any given moment in the episode, I think Ben might be about to snatch the recorder from him and use it as a deadly weapon, and to be honest, I can’t blame him. The recorder is not a musical instrument, it is a torture method designed to torment parents of young children.

The group leave the TARDIS to have a look around, finding themselves in the mercury swamps of the planet Vulcan. The swamps are a dangerous place to be, as the Doctor(?) learns when he runs into a bloke who gets shot halfway through introducing himself as an Examiner from Earth. Ben and Polly run afoul of the mercury fumes, and the Doctor himself gets a nasty crack over the head, courtesy of the other man’s killer. The mystery man plants a button in the Doctor’s hand before dragging the corpse away.

Fortunately for the group, they’re found by a couple of men from the nearby colony: Bragen, Head of Security, and Quinn, Deputy Governor. They’re dressed identically to the assassin, but it’s impossible to tell if one of them did the deed.

Believing him to be the Examiner (the Doctor doesn’t bother to correct them), the pair bring the Doctor and company back to the colony, where there’s trouble afoot. A rebellion quietly simmers beneath the surface, and a mysterious capsule has been found in the swamps.

Investigating further, it soon turns out that the capsule perhaps ought to have stayed there. There are Daleks inside! Dead Daleks, but they could still be terribly dangerous.

And there’s something in there that doesn’t seem entirely dead, but it scuttles away before they can get a good look at it. Whatever it is, it can't be good.

Things get off to a mysterious start in this episode, taking its time to introduce our new leading actor before launching into the intriguing mysteries of the Vulcan colony. Why was the Examiner summoned? Who killed him? What are the Daleks up to this time? I'm having a lot of fun.

EPISODE TWO

The group soon discover something even worse– not only does it appear that there are Daleks in here, one of them seems to be missing. The Doctor suspects that Lesterson, the head scientist, has been experimenting. One Dalek, a colony in strife… it’s a recipe for disaster.

He confronts Lesterson on the missing Dalek, urging him to destroy it. With Lesterson refusing to yield to his authority, the Doctor goes in search of a meeting with the Governor.

Which he doesn’t get. But he does get some fruit! Sure, there are listening devices hidden inside, but an apple is an apple and reincarnation/renewal is presumably hungry work. Unable to meet with the Governor, the Doctor decides to send a radio message back to Earth. Hopefully there’s some higher authority who will listen to him.

The Doctor finds the radio engineer unconscious and the equipment broken, and a rather suspicious-looking Quinn holding a pair of shears.

Bragen arrives, and when the Doctor shows him the button from his attacker, he recognises it as one of Quinn’s and arrests him on the spot.

In true B-movie fashion, Lesterson and his team try to wake up the Dalek by pumping it full of electricity. It works a little too well, shooting one of his lab assistants. What did they expect?

Quinn’s hauled before the Governor for an inquiry, and the evidence doesn’t look too good for him. Lesterson interrupts proceedings, bursting in to tell them about his new breakthrough. The Dalek is awake, active, and apparently ready to serve.

And it recognises the Doctor. Somehow. Maybe it can see something we can't?

The new Doctor continues to grow on me in this episode, his more serious side beginning to peep through the clownish exterior. The plot’s coming along nicely, and I’m none too sure what to make of the characters. I don’t feel like there’s anyone we can trust here, except perhaps Ben and Polly.

EPISODE THREE

Despite the Doctor’s protestations, the Governor gives Lesterson permission to continue his work on the Daleks. Continuing Quinn’s inquiry, Bragen accuses him of being in league with the rebels. Quinn protests that he was the one who sent for the Examiner in the first place, so why would he attack him? Unconvinced, the Governor strips him of his position and promotes Bragen in his place.

It’s all coming together for Bragen, who it turns out is in league with Lesterson’s lab assistant Janley to take over the colony. Janley’s in league with the rebels, but she’s planning on betraying them as soon as they cease to be useful. She also reveals that Lesterson’s other assistant died of his injuries, but she hasn’t told him that.

So many twists and turns!

Seeing Polly and her inquisitiveness as a potential threat, Janley lures Polly to the communications room where an accomplice knocks her out. She rewards him with the Dalek’s gun-stick.

The Dalek’s curiosity and intelligence continues to impress Lesterson, and he’s especially intrigued when it offers to build him a perfect computer. However, when he leaves the room it immediately increases the power supply to the capsule. Gee, a Dalek being up to no good, who’d have guessed?

The Doctor and Ben arrive to find two more Daleks emerging from the capsule, and wisely decide to run away. Lesterson still doesn’t believe that the Daleks are dangerous, and asks Bragen (who the Governor has left in charge while he’s away) to give him a guard.

Ben reports Polly’s disappearance to Bragen, but the Deputy Governor has bad news for the Doctor: they’ve found the real examiner’s body out in the swamps.

But how would he know that? The only people to have seen the real examiner were the Doctor and the assassin.

With the Doctor having leverage over him, Bragen backs off on arresting him, but orders him to leave Lesterson alone.

In case the Doctor needs any more incentive, somebody slips a note under the door. Polly’s safe…. As long as the Doctor stops interfering with the Dalek experiments.

Final Thoughts

So far, this is an excellent story that moves along at a good pace, delivering some fun twists and turns without becoming too convoluted. I’m looking forward to seeing where it’s all headed.

I’ll save the further ruminations on the plot for next time. The real point of interest in this story is our new leading actor. Patrick Troughton is credited as Dr. Who, but is he truly the same character?

Let’s look at the facts: He has the same memories, and we saw the original Doctor turn into this second Doctor on-screen. With all the strange things that happen in Doctor Who, a change of appearance isn’t too far out of the ordinary.

What makes it more complicated is the change in personality. Troughton’s a younger man, and he acts like it. His Doctor is quite unpredictable, often somewhat childish and playful, undercut with moments of sudden seriousness. The cadence of his speech is also his own, when he does deign to talk instead of tootling away on that blasted recorder.

He’s a different person…and yet, somehow, he still feels like the Doctor to me. There’s a sort of je-ne-sais-quoi, a vague idea of the Doctor, a spirit of mischief and genius that feels in a way like the soul of the character. I think I still recognise that in him.

It’s all a bit philosophical, isn’t it? After all, my personality when I was a child is different in many ways to my personality as an adult, but I’m still the same person. These changes happen gradually to all of us. Perhaps they just happened all at once to the Doctor.

After all, if he has a whole new body, his brain is different too, so who knows what effect his altered brain physiology has had?

In conclusion, I have no idea.

Perhaps the more important question is: do I like this new Doctor?

That’s a lot easier. Yes. I like him very, very much. He is enormous fun to watch. He’s genuinely funny, and utterly compelling when he turns serious.

This is not Hartnell’s Doctor, but it’s not trying to be, either. I think that’s a good thing. I’ll miss him, but I do feel the new chap has breathed new life into the programme. We’ve just opened the door to a whole new world of character development, and opened a can of unpredictability.

I can’t wait to see what’s in store for our second Doctor.

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Science Fiction/Fantasy, TV

[November 2, 1966] An Ending? (Doctor Who: The Tenth Planet)

November 2, 2021 Jessica Holmes 1 Comment

By Jessica Holmes

Where do I begin? The latest serial of Doctor Who, penned by Kit Pedler for the first two episodes and Gerry Davis for the latter two, delivers some exciting twists and turns and real surprises, one of which may change the programme forever– or spell its doom.

EPISODE ONE

The Doctor arrives at the Antarctic base of International Space Command in the year 1986. The men inside (and yes, even in 1986 it seems rocket science is a bit of a boys’ club) take notice of the new arrivals, but there’s no time to worry about them. The latest launch has run into trouble, reporting the sudden appearance of a new planet in the sky. Worse still, their ship is losing power.

I rather liked the presentation of future space exploration as an international affair. There’s men from all over the world among the staff of International Space Command, and one of the astronauts is played by Bermudian actor Earl Cameron. Nobody can do a good fake accent to save their lives, but they tried!

The new planet looks just like Earth, but upside down. It takes a weirdly long time for people to realise that. The Doctor explains that the Earth once had a twin planet, and it has now returned. How this happened is unclear. Maybe it went on its holidays.

Things really kick off when a ship from this strange planet lands just outside the base. From it emerge men with faces made of taut fabric, bodies made of machinery, and curiously human hands.

A chill runs down the spine as one looks directly into the camera. There is something about the design of this entity that feels deeply… not just unnerving, but wrong. There’s a coldness in its gaze that penetrates the very soul.

EPISODE TWO

Here we get a name for these newcomers to Earth: Cybermen, from the planet Mondas. They were like us, once. But their race was dying, so they had to augment their bodies with cybernetics in order to survive. They kept going, upgrading every inefficiency in the human body, until there is almost nothing left but the brain– and even that hasn’t been spared some tinkering. Considering emotion and empathy to be inefficiencies, they have removed them.

The result is one of the few truly nightmarish monsters to come from Doctor Who. I think they're scarier than the Daleks. They should be naff, with their cobbled-together costumes that leave the hands visible. It’s as rough a costume as I’ve ever seen on the programme. However, every bit of it works to their advantage, visually telling the story of their cobbled-together cybernetic enhancements– you can imagine them transforming piece by piece into the horrors they are today. With their fabric ‘skin’ drawn taut over their faces, leaving them only with the suggestion of a nose, and wide, blank eyes, their visage is genuinely frightening. It’s even worse when they open their mouths, as an unnatural, almost sing-song approximation of human speech emerges from their gaping jaws.

The Cybermen tell the ground crew that it’s impossible to get the astronauts out of orbit, as the pull of Mondas is too strong. The crew don’t listen, and continue to try to no avail, as the ship explodes…for some reason.

Ben, along with Polly, a recent companion of the Doctor, has the bright idea to try nicking a gun and making a break for the TARDIS. One of the Cybermen takes the gun away and bends it in half before locking Ben in another room. Surprisingly merciful, considering they killed a couple of blokes on their way in.

The Cybermen say Earth is in danger, and to save them, they must send a message to their leaders. The energy of Mondas is almost expended, so now it’s draining the energy from Earth. Let’s not think too hard about that. It’s more magic than science.

All life on Earth will stop, but the people don’t have to die! They can go to Mondas. The implications are clear. Well, nice of them to offer, I suppose, but while I wouldn’t say no to a stronger robotic body, I draw the line at having my brain tampered with. I wonder why they bothered telling the humans, given that they have no reason to. They say themselves that everyone on Earth dying wouldn’t affect the Cybermen in any way. So why extend the invitation? Politeness?

This shot zooming out through the Cyberman's nether regions might be the weirdest I've seen in all of television.

Ben starts trying to escape, managing to kill one of the Cybermen with their own weapon. He succeeds in sneaking this weapon to the General in charge of the base. General Cutler (Robert Beatty) promptly dispatches the Cybermen holding everyone hostage. This comes as a bit of an annoyance to the Doctor, given that the Cybermen were helpfully explaining their intentions.

Still, it’s bought them some time to radio their commander in Geneva and fill him in on what happened. It’s then that they learn another astronaut was sent into orbit to try and rescue the others. It's the General’s son.

The whole team starts scrambling to get him down, but there’s something else on the radar. Hundreds of spaceships in formation, heading right for Earth!

EPISODE THREE

The whole planetary energy-draining thing hits the Doctor first, with him collapsing mere moments into the episode. He spends the following twenty minutes having a nice nap.

Desperate to save his son, General Cutler decides that the only way to save Earth is to ensure the destruction of Mondas. He will have to use Earth’s greatest weapon… the Z-bomb. A planet-destroying bomb doesn’t sound that useful to me, but I can think of a couple of countries who would probably want one.

He can’t actually get express permission to use the bomb, but apparently there are no safeguards against him using it anyway. Ben and Polly urge him to wait, as the Doctor has a hypothesis that eventually Mondas will absorb too much energy from Earth and disintegrate. However, the General is unwilling to leave it to chance, even if the blast from the bomb would also kill everyone on the side of the Earth facing Mondas. Of course, he’ll be careful to ensure his son’s spacecraft isn’t on that side.

With the General beyond reason, Ben and Polly turn to the only other authority figure on the base, the head scientist Barclay (David Dodimead). Barclay clearly has doubts about the General’s plan, and it doesn’t take long for Polly to convince him to help her. Having designed the base, Barclay is able to show Ben and Polly a convenient ventilation shaft that leads right to the missile silo. With instructions from Barclay, Ben slips into the silo and tampers with the bomb. However, the General catches him red-handed, and gives the order to launch the missile.

EPISODE FOUR

It turns out that Ben was successful in sabotaging the missile as it fails to launch. Oh, and the Doctor’s feeling better now. Goody!

The General, rather put out, pulls a gun on a defiant Barclay, but his son gets in contact before he can bark any more orders. However, when the base loses the capsule’s radio signal, the General immediately assumes the worst. Convinced that his son is dead, the General threatens to kill the Doctor for causing the delay in the launch. I suppose he missed that the Doctor was napping through that whole incident.

Luckily for the Doctor, more Cybermen burst in before the General can do him any harm, and shoot General Cutler dead.

The Doctor thanks them for saving his life, and offers them a chance to save their own. Mondas is doomed, but the Cybermen don’t have to die with it. If they ask nicely and agree not to go around shooting people, they could all come and live on Earth in peace.

Well. I think various governments might have a thing or two to say about that, but it’s an idea. The Cybermen agree to think about it, but they’d like the missile to be disarmed first, which is a fair enough request. What feels less fair is their insistence that they take Polly as a hostage, but the Doctor agrees to that too, in the interests of keeping the situation under control.

Nobody bothers to ask Polly what she thinks.

However, it soon turns out that the Cybermen have not been honest about their intentions. They’ve landed all over the world, and they’ve decided they’d rather keep their own planet. They’ll save it by destroying Earth with the Z-bomb.

Gee, who would have thought having a planet-destroying weapon could possibly be dangerous to the survival of the planet we live on?

The idea is that with Earth gone, Mondas will stop absorbing its energy, and it won’t disintegrate. I don’t suppose they’ve thought about the colossal release of energy involved in a planet-destroying explosion. The Doctor manages to warn Ben and the others, who are currently disarming the bomb, against helping the Cybermen. It’s then that Ben realises that there must be a reason that the Cybermen are using humans to handle the bomb. What if the Cybermen are vulnerable to radiation?

Aren’t we all?

Having had enough of the Doctor’s meddling, the Cybermen take him on board their ship, where his health immediately takes a turn for the worse.

Ben, meanwhile, comes up with the bright idea to use the fuel rods from the on-site nuclear reactor as a weapon against the Cybermen. And these men of science go along with it.

I’m starting to get the feeling that science wasn’t the writer’s best subject at school.

The radioactive death-stick does the job nicely, and Ben somehow gets back to the control room without coming down with a nasty case of acute radiation poisoning, managing to get rid of all the Cybermen on the base in the process.

They’re about to start luring in other Cybermen with their own communication devices, but Mondas chooses that moment to conveniently melt. With it the Cybermen also disintegrate, having been reliant on energy from Mondas.

Oh, and it turns out that the General’s son is alive after all. With the Cyberman menace gone for good, he can come back home.

Ben rushes to the cybership to rescue Polly and the Doctor, and finds the old fellow unconscious. He manages to rouse the Doctor, who seems in a bad way. Agitated, the Doctor hurries back to the TARDIS.

And then something happens.

Something weird.

The Doctor collapses to the floor as the TARDIS takes off, and the screen brightens until the Doctor’s face is completely obscured. As the light fades away, the Doctor is gone.

No, not gone.

Replaced.

There’s a man lying in the exact same spot– but it’s definitely not the Doctor.

Final Thoughts

It’s safe to say I liked this serial well enough. The Cybermen are a great enemy, but the plot doesn’t do much for me. It’s fine, I just don’t think it really uses the Cybermen to their full advantage. They feel almost tangential to the whole plot, and ultimately the Doctor defeats them by…wasting time. Not a terribly interesting resolution.

What I really want to talk about is what in the world just happened to the Doctor? I’m sure I made half the neighbourhood jump with my sudden outburst of ‘WHAT?!’ at the end of the final episode.

Where did he go? Did he go anywhere, or is that man in fact our same dear old Doc? I don’t know what to make of this development.

It’s no secret that Mr. Hartnell’s health has been rather up-and-down of late (in fact, his absence in Episode Three was due to ill health), and I had wondered how much longer he’d be up to continuing with the programme. Certainly I’d rather that he takes care of his health than continue to force himself through an intensive filming schedule. A friend of mine did find a tiny notice in the Manchester Guardian that mentioned that Mr. Hartnell was to be replaced by Patrick Troughton, and there have been rumours flying around, so I suppose the departure isn’t that much of a surprise.

I think what really flabbergasts me is the suddenness of the changeover. We’ve barely even started the new series, and the lead’s gone and vanished! If we are to assume this new man is in fact the Doctor (which seems more likely, what with the name of the programme), what does that mean for him as a character? Is he more-or-less a new person, having nothing in common but a name? I hope not.

I’ve grown attached to the Doctor as portrayed by Mr. Hartnell, and I don’t think I like the idea of him being effectively replaced and all of his character development wiped away. He’s just done such a good job! Even when the Doctor was a grumpy so-and-so, he was still fun to watch, and I loved his ability to balance the Doctor’s mischievous side with his more serious moments. There’s a warmth and wit to his portrayal that reminds me of my grandpa. It might sound childish, but I don’t want them to get rid of my TV-grandpa!

At the same time, having another actor do an impression of Mr. Hartnell’s Doctor seems sure to invite comparison, and I can’t imagine it would be favourable. I’m familiar with Patrick Troughton, having seen him on television a fair bit, but he’s a rather different kind of actor from Mr. Hartnell. A different temperament altogether. He’s younger for one thing, so will he have the same gravitas? Still, I’m not going to judge the new chap until I’ve seen him in action. I’m sure he knows he’s got some big shoes to fill.

There’s little point in speculating much about how exactly this process works within the actual story. It’ll be a weird vaguely-scientific thing I’m sure, probably to do with the TARDIS.

What does this mean for the programme, though? Will people still want to watch without the real Doctor? The new fellow doesn’t look anything like Mr. Hartnell, so the kids are surely going to notice.

Honestly, I’m at a loss. I don’t know if this is a good thing, or a bad thing. Will this open up new avenues for the Doctor’s story, or is it doomed to failure?

I’m sad to see William Hartnell go, most certainly, and I wish him the very best. Thank you, Mr. Hartnell, for three years of being our Doctor.

Still, I must admit…. I’m incredibly curious to see what comes next.

5 out of 5 stars

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Science Fiction/Fantasy, TV

[October 4, 1966] The Real Treasure Was The Friends We Made Along The Way (Doctor Who: The Smugglers)

October 4, 2021 Jessica Holmes 1 Comment

By Jessica Holmes

It’s been a long couple of months, but Doctor Who is back, and so am I! Did you miss me?

I had heard rumours that William Hartnell was thinking about hanging up the TARDIS keys, but with a new series I think we can safely say those rumours are a load of tosh. I for one am very pleased– both because I enjoy the show, and because I'd be out of a job!

Though I do appreciate them, a pure historical story is an odd choice to start off a new series. Let’s be honest. Kids are not watching Doctor Who for the often fairly dry historicals. They’re watching for the bug-eyed monsters. Still, this story by Brian Hayles has pirates in it, and what kind of kid doesn’t like pirates? What's more, for the first time ever we have a woman in the director's chair, Julia Smith. Well, the kids might not care much about that, but I do.

Last time we saw the Doctor, we said a rather abrupt goodbye to companion Dodo, and said hello to Ben (Michael Craze) and Polly (Anneke Wills). Let’s see how they got along on their first adventure: The Smugglers.

EPISODE ONE

For heaven’s sake, I thought to myself when sitting down to watch this episode. My first story back, and the flipping telly’s on the fritz. Again.

Following the Doctor’s discovery of his two stowaways (he has a bit of a temper tantrum) and the obligatory expositional rundown of what the TARDIS is, the Doctor and company arrive in a cave in Cornwall in the 17th century. The BBC has seen fit to allow the cast and crew some fresh air and sunlight, filming much of the serial on location on the Cornish coast.

Exiting the cave, the trio make their way up to a nearby church, where they meet the warden, a suspicious fellow by the name of Longfoot (Terence De Marney). Longfoot is wary of the three. He's guarding a secret: the true location of Captain Henry Avery’s buried treasure. The Doctor soon earns his trust with a little free medical aid. With the tide coming in, the trio intend to find a nearby inn. Before they depart, Longfoot warns them to be on their guard. He then says something quite peculiar to the Doctor: “This is Dead Man’s secret key: Smallwood, Ringwood, Gurney.”

Unseen by anyone, a bald man watches them from the bushes. After the Doctor and friends depart, the man emerges and follows Longfoot into the church, taking out a large knife.

The Doctor and company get a room at the inn, finding that the patrons are as rough as Lightfoot warned them. For Polly’s own safety, she pretends to be a young man. I suppose there weren’t many opticians in the 17th century, as nobody calls her paper-thin disguise into question. Maybe men were just prettier back then.

Back at the church the bald bloke, Cherub (George A. Cooper), confronts Longfoot. He demands to know where Avery’s gold is hidden. Longfoot refuses to talk, and in anger Cherub buries a knife in his back. You’d think a pirate would know that dead men tell no tales. Nor do they give you tips on where to look for buried treasure.

Longfoot’s body is discovered some time later, and the innkeeper, Kewper (David Blake Kelly), sends for the local Squire to come and act as magistrate. Cherub then arrives at the inn with a bunch of ruffians and demands to speak to the Doctor, having witnessed him talking to Longfoot. Though Ben and Polly try to defend him, Cherub and his ruffians manage to knock the Doctor unconscious and cart him off (literally).

Cherub’s long gone by the time the Squire (Paul Whitsun-Jones) and his stupid wig arrive. With no other likely suspects around, and Ben and Polly refusing to tell him who they are, he has the pair arrested for the murder of Longfoot.

Meanwhile, Cherub brings the Doctor aboard a ship, where he makes the acquaintance of one Captain Samuel Pike (Michael Godfrey) — a real pirate! He's got a hook for a hand and everything.

So far, the story is a perfectly decent but by-the-numbers pirate story. I keep expecting Long John Silver to limp in at any moment.

EPISODE TWO

The Doctor’s gift of the gab gets him out of a pickle when Pike and Cherub threaten to torture the secret of Avery’s treasure out of him. Laying the flattery on thick, he bargains for a share of the treasure in return for information.

Meanwhile, Polly comes up with a plan to get out of jail, but Ben has to help because there’s a rat between her and the hay she needs for the plan, and she’s scared of rats. We can’t have the womenfolk appearing to be too competent, can we? They might start getting ideas. To be fair, there’s a non-zero chance that it might be carrying the plague, so maybe she’s just being smart.

Ben and Polly trick their guard Tom (Mike Lucas) into believing they’re apprentices of the powerful wizard, the Doctor. Unless he lets them go, they’ll use a magical effigy to do some rather unpleasant things to him. It’s a superstitious time, so he actually falls for it.

The pair return to the church, where they subdue an intruder emerging from a secret tunnel in the crypt. Thinking this is the true murderer, Polly runs off to inform the Squire. It turns out that this man, Blake (John Ringham, who also played Tlotoxl back in The Aztecs), is actually a revenue officer investigating the local smuggling ring.

Kewper gets himself captured by Pike while trying to make a business deal with him, which gives Pike an idea. Donning his best Captain Hook costume, he and Cherub go to meet with the Squire. Their intention is to learn all they can about the smuggling operation, and rob them for everything they've got.

However, Polly arrives at the Squire’s house and immediately identifies Cherub as the man who kidnapped the Doctor. The Squire doubts her story, blinded by the magnificence of Pike’s luscious wig.

Still, the revenue officer might pose a real problem. The men head off to the church, dragging Polly with them.

This episode was a rather dull affair, I’m sorry to say. I often found my concentration slipping, though I did get a good laugh out of Pike’s ridiculous outfit.

EPISODE THREE

The group arrive at the crypt only for Ben to also point out that these are the pirates who abducted the Doctor, but the Squire still won’t have it. He has Cherub release the revenue officer, and orders Blake to arrest Ben and Polly.

Blake complies, only to immediately release Ben and Polly once they’re away from the rogues. Unlike the Squire, Blake has two brain cells to rub together. He makes plans to summon a militia so that he can intercept and detain the smugglers.

Meanwhile on the ship, the Doctor and Kewper realise they have to escape and warn the village of the impending pirate raid. The Doctor comes up with a cunning plan. It involves deception, reading ominous fortunes in a pack of cards, and Kewper hitting their guard Jamaica on the back of the head when he’s not looking. It's not subtle, but if it works, it works.

I think it's worth mentioning that Jamaica, played by Elroy Josephs, is the first black actor to appear on Doctor Who in a speaking role. It’s not a big part, but perhaps it is a sign of progress given the programme’s previous habit of slathering white actors in dodgy makeup.

He’s not around for long though, as once Pike finds out the prisoners are gone, he slays Jamaica in a fit of rage.

The Squire shows his pirate friends a little surprise at the church: he has a cache of valuable goods hidden in one of the tombs. Why he chooses to show this to the pirates I don’t know, because he wants them to drop their goods down on the beach. Methinks this chap is too trusting for his own good.

Having made his way back to the shore, the Doctor reunites with his friends, with Kewper accompanying him. However, upon seeing Blake he thinks the Doctor has led him into a trap. He flees, heading to the Squire’s house, where he is finally able to convince him that his new associates are untrustworthy pirates. They also realise that the pirates are after Avery’s treasure. Perhaps there’s an opportunity for profit?

Though Ben wants to go back to the TARDIS, the Doctor decides to stay, having a sense of obligation to prevent the pirates raiding the village. The group head up to the graveyard, reasoning that the smugglers will be coming through there. Ben and Polly start examining the old graves. Hearing some of the odd names scattered throughout the graveyard, the Doctor has a sudden realisation: ‘Dead Man’s Secret’… the treasure must be somewhere in the crypt!

Before they can make much progress in finding the treasure, the Squire arrives with Kewper. Kewper threatens the lives of Ben and Polly in an effort to force the Doctor to help him. The Squire intervenes, aghast at the idea of cold-blooded murder. While they’re bickering, Cherub arrives unseen and flings a knife into Kewper’s back.

The schemes are really starting to pile up at this point, and the serial is finally getting fun to watch. Shame it’s almost over.

EPISODE FOUR

A shot rings out. The Squire falls back, clutching his shoulder, injured but not dead, and very much regretting his involvement in the treasure hunt. Holding Polly at gunpoint, Cherub orders the Doctor to tell him where the treasure is.

The Doctor repeats the riddle for him, but there’s a discrepancy. Rather than Smallwood, one of the names they need to find is actually Smallbeer. The riddle we heard in the first episode was actually flubbed. I am surprised that nobody apparently caught this mistake earlier on. Perhaps there was no time or budget for a reshoot or over-dubbing the line.

Cherub recognises the names, and informs the Doctor that there’s another name hidden in the riddle, Deadman. The names belonged to members of Avery’s crew, and are hidden around the crypt.

Pike arrives with his band of pirates and shows them the cache hidden in the tomb. I couldn't think of when else to mention this note of trivia, so I'll put it here: one of the pirates, the Spaniard, is played by Doctor Who's stuntman and fight coordinator, Derek Ware.

While the crew are plundering the cache, Pike goes to the church to find Cherub. Discovering him in the crypt with the others, Pike thinks Cherub means to double-cross him– and he’s right. Cherub attempts to shoot his captain, but misses, leading the pair to start fighting. Meanwhile, Blake and his militia hurry to the village. Everything’s kicking off now.

The Doctor urges Ben and Polly to make a break down the tunnel to the TARDIS. Pike wins his duel with Cherub, dealing him a slow and apparently very painful death. The deaths in this serial, of which there are a lot, do seem rather more drawn out than is typical for Doctor Who. I can’t imagine being run through tickles, but it’s a bit grim for teatime television.

The Doctor makes Pike a new offer. He’ll give up his share of the gold and tell him where to look for it, as long as Pike keeps his crew away from the village.

Ben and Polly run into some trouble as they head back to the TARDIS, with Ben knocking out one pirate and the two struggling to subdue another, until Blake arrives to shoot the blaggard dead.

Following the clues, the Doctor and Pike find the treasure! Shame Pike will never get a chance to enjoy it. Blake’s militia has arrived. They begin to clash with the pirates, the crash of steel echoing off the stone walls of the crypt.

Pike tries to escape, only to find his egress cut off by Blake and Ben. The Squire finds his backbone and grapples Pike, holding him in place long enough for Blake to finish him off.

The Doctor and Ben slip back to the TARDIS. There’s quite a lot of bodies to clean up, and who can be bothered with all that? With the group back together, they note that everyone who sought after the treasure is now dead. All except for the Squire, who renounced his greed for the gold. Perhaps there really was something to that curse after all… or perhaps it’s more of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The TARDIS departs, and it doesn’t look like they’ll be back in London any time soon. As the temperature begins to plummet, the Doctor checks his scanner. They’ve landed in the coldest place in the world! I assume he means Antarctica.

Final Thoughts

Though the final episode was actually rather good and exciting, this serial suffers from something I’ve noticed in a lot of Doctor Who serials: a rather dull second act. It happens again and again. There’s one interesting episode followed by a bunch of rather dull ones. These sluggish episodes do a fine job of setting up the final episode, but fail to offer entertaining television in their own right. As adults, we can push through, but four weeks is an eternity to a child. I don’t think serials like this are able to hold their attention for that long.

As suspected from the first episode, the plot is a perfectly serviceable pirate story. There’s nothing wrong with it, per se. But I think even those with only a passing knowledge of pirate-related literature will find it all too familiar. There's a distinctive whiff of Treasure Island hanging over the whole thing.

On the bright side, I have taken a bit of a shine to the Doctor’s new companions Ben and Polly. Polly’s bright and resourceful, and Ben seems sweet, if a little rough around the edges. The important thing is that he’s got a good, brave heart. I think I’ll enjoy having these two around.

3 out of 5 stars

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Movies, Science Fiction/Fantasy

[August 12, 1966] Dr. Who And The Slightly Better Sequel (Daleks’ Invasion Earth: 2150 AD)

August 12, 2021 Jessica Holmes 4 Comments

By Jessica Holmes

We’re between series of Doctor Who on the television, but you aren’t escaping my rambles that easily. 'Dr. Who' is back on the big screen, so I ventured to the cinema to see if Daleks’ Invasion Earth: 2150 AD is any good. Directed by Gordon Flemyng and written by Milton Subotsky, this film is a follow-up to last year’s Dr. Who And The Daleks. Like the first film, this is also based on a Doctor Who serial, that being The Dalek Invasion of Earth.

To spare us all a lot of waffling, I’ll skip the play-by-play rundown. In broad strokes, it’s the same story. Dr. Who (Peter Cushing) in his Tardis goes to future London, finding it overrun by Daleks. He joins up with the human resistance, everyone goes to Bedford, the Daleks try to turn Earth into a spaceship by blowing up the core. Dr. Who hatches a plan to stop them doing that by deflecting the bomb, then boom! A volcano blows up, Daleks all die, Earth is free, Bedford gets a new tourist attraction, yada yada yada.

The plot is almost identical to the original serial. I did think for a moment about just copying my previous article and changing a few names, but it does have a few differences.

The Black Dalek no longer makes an appearance in the story, and nor does its pet, the slightly rubbish Slyther, but I didn’t particularly miss them. Most of the rebels have been condensed into one single character, Wyler (Andrew Keir), and many smaller, less important scenes have been removed to streamline the plot.

Most significant among these differences is that with Susan in this continuity being much younger than her television counterpart (with Roberta Tovey reprising her role), there is no romantic subplot.

Instead of Ian and Barbara we have a bumbling policeman called Tom (Bernard Cribbins) and the Doctor’s niece Louise (Jill Curzon). They do not have personalities. You can look at the plot outline of the original serial, scribble out each instance of ‘Ian’ and replace it with ‘Tom’, then do the same for Barbara/Louise, and you’ll get an impression of the impact these character changes have on the plot.

Actually, now I come to think of it, you also have to replace all of the cool things Barbara does in the original (like running over a Dalek with a truck) with blank space, and give all those cool deeds to whichever male character happens to be nearby at the time.

I think it would have strengthened the emotional core of the story to give Louise the romance plot (though I would also have issues with her only being in the plot for the purposes of providing a love interest). At least it would have given her something to do instead of being shunted about from one location to another in a state of total passivity. In the original, the romance subplot was a major component of giving the story emotional depth.

This film, however, is empty.

The characters might as well be cardboard cutouts, and though the film follows the plot of the serial, it’s devoid of the sense of horror and despair that the original had. In the original, it felt very much that the resistance was fighting a losing battle, one grounded in reality. They were tired, they had very little hope left.

Here? It’s all just set dressing. With characters so flat they vanish if you look at them sideways, I just don’t care what happens to them. Nobody forms any real bonds, so there’s no sense that anyone has anything personally to lose. None of the deaths land with an impact. I don’t feel like the characters care all that much, so why should I? The Daleks might as well just kill them all.

The Daleks don’t even feel particularly Nazi-like as they did before. In the original, the resemblance was strong enough that it made the Daleks feel grounded in reality, and that much more threatening. This film feels a lot more light-hearted, so I suppose there is the silver lining that the plot to turn the planet into a (groan) spaceship doesn’t feel quite as silly compared to the rest of the story.

It’s just really hard to find things all that grim when every fight scene is accompanied by jaunty jazz numbers. There are some attempts at comedy, mostly revolving around Tom, particularly when he’s hiding on the Dalek ship. It might make a child laugh, but I wouldn’t count on it.

The acting is decent enough, nothing glaringly bad, but nothing great either. Cushing is entirely wasted, having been given no real chance to show Dr. Who’s character. He exists purely to poke the plot with a stick from time to time to keep it moving. It’s all quite mechanical. Everyone’s competent, but nobody feels like a real person. In streamlining the plot, the writer has jettisoned a lot of scenes that gave the characters room to breathe.

In the end, there’s a load of pointlessly complicated nonsense about deflecting the core-destroying bomb to make a big explosion of magnetic energy that will pull the Daleks into Earth’s core. Apparently the confluence between the north and south magnetic poles is under Bedford. I am not going to even bother picking that apart. It makes no material difference. Honestly, I think it just confuses things. Stick with the volcano!

Still, it’s quite funny when the Daleks go flying through walls like something off Looney Tunes. I’ll give it that.

With all this being said, would you believe me if I told you it’s better than Dr. Who And The Daleks? It’s perfectly watchable, if you’re looking for something to do for a little over an hour and have a handful of shillings to spare. I think kids would probably enjoy the adventure. There are plenty of exciting bits such as the chase out of London, and the art team did a great job on the special effects. I particularly liked the Daleks’ flying saucer, which is a wonderful model with moving parts. The eruption at the end isn’t bad, either.

So, what’s the verdict? Well, I wouldn’t rush back to the cinema to watch it again, but I don’t consider my afternoon entirely wasted. It’s a relatively decent but unremarkable science fiction adventure that in my opinion could have been so much more.

2.5 out of 5 stars

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Science Fiction/Fantasy, TV

[July 18, 1966] Arrivals and Departures (Doctor Who: The War Machines)

July 18, 2021 Jessica Holmes 2 Comments

By Jessica Holmes

The third series of Doctor Who comes to a close, and it ends on a high note! Ian Stuart Black returns as a writer to bring us a high-concept sci-fi thriller set in modern London: The War Machines.

EPISODE ONE

The first thing that strikes you when watching this serial are the high-tech and creative title cards. It’s fitting to the theme of the serial, and I hope more serials will do the same. It’s a nice touch.

Arriving in contemporary London, the Doctor and Dodo take notice of the recently completed Post Office Tower. Here, it’s a front for a top-secret science project. In real life, as we all know, it’s where all the pigeons of London go to roost in between delivering the post. You can look it up if you like.

The Doctor, curious about the tower and following his gut instinct, heads up for a tour. The pair meet a computer scientist, Professor Brett (John Harvey). He eagerly shows them his life’s work: the thinking computer, WOTAN (Will Operating Thought ANalogue). Wotan also happens to be another spelling of Wōdan, a name for the Norse god Odin. Odin was associated with both wisdom and war. Additionally (and if this is deliberate, it’s absolutely brilliant), the name stems from the proto-Germanic *Wōđanaz, which has the meaning ‘leader of the possessed’. This is incredibly apt, as you’ll soon see.

The computer soon shows itself to be as smart as Brett claims, even correctly guessing what the acronym TARDIS means. But how did it know?

Prof. Brett introduces him to his secretary, Polly (Anneke Wills). We’ll be getting to know a lot more of Polly. While the Doctor continues to poke around the machine, Polly invites Dodo to the hottest nightspot in town – the Inferno.

At the bar, the pair meet Ben (Michael Craze), a down-in-the-dumps seaman stuck on shore duty. After Polly tries and fails to cheer him up with a bit of a flirt, she finds herself accosted by an impertinent idiot who doesn’t understand the word ‘no’. Ben comes to the rescue. That's all good. I was impressed with him for standing up to the creep. And then he had to go and RUIN it. How? By scolding Polly and telling her she ought to be careful who she encourages. The cheek!

I would have handled it a lot less gracefully than Polly does, and with language that would even make sailor-boy blush.

The Doctor attends a scientific club meeting led by Sir Charles Summer (William Mervyn), whose role in all this I’m not entirely clear on. He is extraordinarily posh. At the meeting, Sir Charles explains that WOTAN is going to be connected to an international network of computers. It will act as a central, impartial controller for all these computers – including those used for military applications. What could go wrong?

Prof. Brett is late for the meeting, having become suspicious that there’s an intruder in the building. He can’t shake the feeling that someone or someTHING is watching him. Then a discordant buzzing sound comes from the supercomputer. It turns almost melodic as it takes control of him, pulling him towards the machine…

The press conference is about to wrap up when Brett suddenly bursts in and asks to speak to another scientist, Krimpton (John Cater), and they both head back to the tower.

There, Major Green (Alan Curtis), the representative from the Ministry of Defence on the project, is the next to be ensnared by the machine’s siren song. He makes a call to the Inferno Club and asks to talk to Dodo. She answers, and the Major connects the phone to the computer, transmitting the hypnotic tone, and bringing Dodo under WOTAN’s control.

Brett drags Krimpton before WOTAN. The machine has thought it over, and come to the conclusion that the world can’t progress further with mankind running things. It’s time for WOTAN to take over.

The Doctor comes to the Inferno club to find Dodo missing, but where could she be?

Where else, but with WOTAN?

In a genuinely unsettling moment, the machine laughs as its plans begin to come together. It’s an unearthly, warped sound, but definitely a laugh. The machine instructs Dodo that Doctor ‘Who’ is required, and commands her to bring him to the tower.

This is a very good start to the serial. It’s all rather sinister so far, and things are moving along at a good pace, but not so fast that it feels rushed.

EPISODE TWO

For WOTAN’s plans to take over London, Washington and Moscow to come to fruition, it must have an army. An army of machines. Considering it’s about to link up to all the military computers, couldn't it just nuke the world into submission?

Then again, that’s not as much fun. While it is tempting (and fun) to point out logical holes in fiction, or smarter ways for characters to achieve their goals, sometimes it’s just more fun if the characters do things the hard way. On the other hand, it is meant to be a hyper-intelligent supercomputer, so you'd think it'd do things the smart way.

For another thing, if this machine was really all that smart, it’d know that the Doctor is not literally called 'Doctor Who'. Yes, it’s the name of the programme, and yes, that's his name in the credits. That much is true. But nobody calls him that, including himself. That, and it just sounds weird.

At the club, Polly is about to start phoning round the hospitals when Dodo shows up, claiming to have been visiting some old friends. Nobody notices how odd she’s acting, and Dodo almost succeeds in leading the Doctor into an ambush while waiting for a taxi – which then shows up, scuppering her plans.

In a nearby warehouse, WOTAN has made short work of mind-controlling a bunch of workers, who are beginning to build a War Machine. An unwitting homeless bloke finds himself in the wrong place at the wrong time, and WOTAN sets the workers on him.

Then the first of the War Machines emerges in all its tin-can glory. It’s like the offspring of one of NASA’s big computers and a Dalek.

The next morning, the Doctor is at the home of Sir Charles when he sees the homeless man’s face in the paper, and recognises him, having seen him the previous night. To Sir Charles’ surprise, Polly shows up, having been sent by Major Green (most likely to keep her out of the way).

Dodo is still acting strangely, and she suggests that she and the Doctor go and call on Brett. To be polite, the Doctor decides to call his office first. Krimpton can’t believe his luck, and puts him through to WOTAN.

The result is more funny than scary, if I’m honest. It’s like a scene from a rubbish B-movie: Attack Of The Living Telephones! He eventually gets the phone away from his ear and collapses into a chair. The mind control doesn’t appear to have taken, but Dodo gives herself away before realising this. Deducing that WOTAN has hypnotised Dodo, the Doctor takes advantage of her trance and puts her to sleep. Sir Charles offers to have his wife look after her at their country residence, so off she goes.

And she was never seen again.

No, really. But I’ll get to that later.

Polly returns to the Post Office Tower, but gets a nasty surprise, immediately realising that something is very wrong with the Professor.

Ben turns up at Sir Charles’ house (the neighbours must think there’s a party with all these people coming and going), having arranged to meet Polly for lunch. She’s not here, and the Doctor lets Ben know of the goings-on with regards to WOTAN, and Ben offers his assistance.

The Doctor asks him to look into the area where that homeless chap got murdered last night. Off Ben goes, soon finding the War Machine factory – and a War Machine being tested.

EPISODE THREE

Ben makes a narrow escape from the War Machine, soon running into a mind-controlled Polly, who locks him inside the warehouse. The workers capture him, and poor Ben faces death at the hands of the Machine when Polly intercedes, saying that WOTAN needs more workers to complete the War Machines on schedule.

They get to work, and while they toil Polly tells Ben about the coming attack. Ben notices that the workers haven’t even bothered to guard the door. I’m no omniscient supercomputer hell-bent on taking over the world, but if I were, I’d make sure ALL my underlings were mind-controlled. After all, we know WOTAN has the ability to hypnotise people remotely. It would have only taken one phone call and Ben wouldn’t even be able to think about escaping!

At the first opportunity, Ben slips away. Polly sees him go, but for some reason she doesn’t raise the alarm. Perhaps because deep down, she remembers that he’s her friend. On learning this, the Major sends her back to WOTAN for punishment.

Ben makes it back to Sir Charles and the Doctor and tells them what he saw. Realising they must act quickly, Sir Charles calls the army in to deal with the factory. The Doctor thinks it’d be a better idea to strike at the heart of the problem and shut down WOTAN, but for some reason Sir Charles won’t believe that Prof. Brett and WOTAN have anything to do with all this. The Watsonian explanation would be that he’s…I don’t know, stubborn? The Doylist way of looking at it would be that it would cut the serial an episode short. I think we have to cycle back to my point that sometimes it’s just more fun if characters aren’t 100% logical all the time.

The army arrives (with an array of quite obviously recycled shots to make it appear that there are more of them) and send in an advance squad.

It does not go well for them.

I thought initially there was a failure in the sound department as I couldn't hear any shots, but it seems that the War Machine has the ability to jam conventional weapons.

The Doctor and Ben arrive as the few survivors emerge from the warehouse, pursued by the Machine.

Everyone at the site flees, but the Doctor stands his ground…

EPISODE FOUR

…And we start off with a bit of a cop-out as the War Machine rolls right past the Doctor and then shuts down. Why? The workers hadn't finished programming it, so it didn’t know what to do with itself. Seems a little convenient if you ask me.

The news of the War Machine begins to spread over the airwaves. The Ministry of Defence warn the public that more attacks are expected, and to be on guard. It has a bit of a wartime feel to it that will surely strike a chill in all of us old enough to remember.

The other War Machines are ready for launch. One machine while receiving orders destroys the transceiver and then kills one of the men who built it, to the puzzlement of Brett back at the tower…and me, come to think of it. This plot detail doesn’t really seem to go anywhere? It seems as if this machine might have developed its own sense of self-awareness independent from WOTAN, but nothing more really comes of it. Perhaps WOTAN is issuing its own orders without human intermediaries.

At the warehouse, the Doctor talks to the Major, who seems to have come around from his hypnosis with no memory of his actions. I don’t really understand what made him come around. After all, WOTAN is still active.

Meanwhile, some poor bloke gets killed while trying to raise the alarm about having seen one of the War Machines.

Ben continues to worry about Polly, but the Doctor keeps fobbing him off. This is weird, and I had initially thought that the Doctor had some sort of plan to make use of Polly’s hypnotic state or something to that effect, but it seems that he just doesn’t care all that much. In fairness to him, he’s trying to save the world and Polly is just some woman he barely knows, but it does seem out of character.

The second War Machine is heading for the Battersea power station. The Doctor thinks they should capture it. He devises a trap to capture the War Machine within an electromagnetic field.

The War Machine rolls right into the trap, and the Doctor strolls up to have a look at it, knowing it can’t hurt him. Not that it doesn’t threaten to, for which the Doctor scolds it, which is pretty funny as it impotently waves its hammer about. The Doctor reprograms the War Machine to make it an ally, and sends it off to the Post Office Tower to destroy WOTAN.

The Doctor still doesn’t seem to care about Polly, so Ben runs off ahead to get her out of there. With some gentle persuasion (read: physically picking her up and carrying her out the door) he gets her out of the way before the War Machine shows up.

Krimpton dies trying to protect WOTAN, but the War Machine manages to finish the supercomputer off. Now that I think about it, the War Machines were nigh-indestructible, but WOTAN was just like any other computer. I think one guy would have done the job just as well with a sledgehammer. Or a really big magnet. Or a cup of coffee.

With WOTAN deactivated, all the other War Machines freeze in place, waiting for orders that will never come. Everyone who was mind-controlled returns to normal. All’s well that ends well…mostly.

The Doctor slips away to avoid dealing with the aftermath, and waits by the TARDIS for his faithful companion…who doesn’t show up. Ben and Polly arrive with a message from Dodo. She's feeling much better and has decided to stay in London. Oh, and she sends her love.

Gee.

The Doctor takes her through time and space and she doesn’t even come along to say ta-ta in person? If there was a contest for Worst Companion Exit, Dodo’s departure would win. From what I can gather, Jackie Lane’s contract expired mid-filming, but could they not have found a more elegant solution? Why not have the farewell mid-serial, and do it properly? If they wanted to be really bold, they could have killed her off a la Katarina.

Rather put out, the Doctor retreats into the TARDIS, with Ben and Polly following him. The doors shut behind them, and the ship departs into time and space.

Final Thoughts

So, that was The War Machines. Personally, I really enjoyed it. The serial has a very cinematic feeling to it. There's lots of interesting shots and location shooting, making it one of the most dynamic serials we've seen. I enjoyed the technological thriller aspect, minor quibbles with the plot aside. Though it definitely dropped the ball when it came to giving Dodo a proper sendoff, this is however a very strong companion introduction. Ben and Polly were worked into the story in an organic way, and I like them already (despite Ben’s shaming of Polly at their first encounter).

Polly is the sort of cool modern woman we’d all like to be. It’s a shame that she was mind-controlled for much of her appearance. All we really know is that she’s cool and she’s nice. Ben, though definitely a bit condescending, especially towards Polly, seems like a good soul at heart. He’s very brave, which is an important trait to have.

I’m a little surprised at the brevity of Dodo’s tenure as the Doctor’s companion. It feels like she’s barely even arrived and already she’s out the door. I liked her, but she didn’t really get a chance to distinguish herself much as anything other than Replacement Susan.

Polly’s already more distinct, and she’s only been around five minutes.

I look forward to seeing how this new TARDIS team work together– I think the rotating cast helps to keep the programme from getting stale.

Let’s see where things go from here, shall we?

4 out of 5 stars

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[July 18, 1966] Arrivals and Departures (Doctor Who: The War Machines)

55 years ago: Science Fact and Fiction